"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2
I woke up early this morning praying today would not be like yesterday. Before I crawled out of bed, grudgingly, I thought of the above scripture. Notice it says, "WHEN you pass through the waters" and WHEN you pass through the rivers" and "WHEN you walk through the fire". There are no "ifs"......clearly it WILL happen. I can't avoid it, I can't wish it away, there is no secret spell or potion.....it's as exhausting to try to find a resolution as it is to live in it.
So I got up, turned around and looked at my bed and realized that it had not been made in a week. At my house that is unheard of. My standard operating procedure is get up, make the bed. Now you might say it's not big deal.....but, to me, making my bed is normal. Sure you could call it mundane, a chore, unnecessary....I mean life hasn't changed because my bed isn't made. So what? But my unmade bed is just the beginning of my shaken routine. Nothing is normal. Life upended. No routine, no rhythm. If you get up everyday and profess to "flying by the seat of your pants" I would argue that is just not true. Life has rhythm....so entreached we don't even think about it until it's not there. For me this means dishes in the sink, piles of laundry, unswept floors, dust you can write in.....all daily tasks that are usually done without even thinking about it. It's not the tasks that aren't done that bothers me. It's my very life turned upside down and inside out.
I've been shook before.....so deeply crushed that I didn't care if anything got done ever again...but slowly I realized that routine is a good thing.....and this time I CRAVE it. Sometimes I wonder how God came up with this plan for my life and how he thinks it will grow and mature me in him. Did my husband have to die....did my dad have to die....did my brother have to move away all those years ago to set in motion that I would be alone to take care of my mother and her needs and all totaled, be who he saw in my unformed body? I'm guessing the answer is yes. My mom asks, "why?" every time I see her. I don't ask that question anymore....there is no answer for me but knowing Christ, so surely there is zero rhyme or reason to someone who does not know him.
John 16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
In this world I WILL have trouble...but look at the promises in God's word:
I HAVE overcome the world!! I WILL be with you! The rivers WILL NOT sweep over you! You WILL NOT be burned! I did a bit of research and found many sources agreeing that there are over 7,000 promises in God's Word. There are 31,173 verses in the Bible. A promise nearly every 4 to 5 verses. I found that to be an amazing statistic.
Walking with God does not promise a perfect, pain free life. We live in a fallen world....a world full of bad choices at best and devastating, life changing decisions at worst. Life IS hard. Life IS sad. Life IS uncertain. Life IS painful. Life IS unpredictable. Life WILL shake routine. Life WILL destroy our rhythm. Amidst MUCH joy there WILL be much sorrow.
ONE thing I can count on 100% of the time is this: God is on the throne!! And he promises I will not drown...even when it feels like it. Even when life is upside down. Even when routine is shattered. Even when the rhythm of life is interrupted.
I've read that one of the hardest things for a child when taking care of an elderly parent is self-care. This is true in all parts of life. If you're a mother you know how hard it is to take care of your own needs once you have a child. Taking care of oneself seems selfish. We must sacrifice ourselves on the alter of wonder woman. The sooner we learn that that is a lie of the enemy the better able we become in taking care of self.
How do you do it? I'm not sure. I know how NOT to do it......make yourself so sick with worry that you are gagging to the point of vomiting....live in panic of all the "what ifs" and projecting all the things you think will happen when you really have no idea. And the consistent thought that will not leave your mind, if my beloved was here he would rescue me.....pull me down from the ceiling. Yesterday was a hard day. Today is a new day. The waters DID rush over me but I did not drown. The fire DID lap at my heals but I did not get burnt.
My mom keeps thinking she will get better. She cries when it still hurts and I have to gently remind her it's not going to. See, she passed that on to me. I, too, want it all to go away miraculously! This trial may end tomorrow or next year or five years from now....I don't know. I either learn to live in God's promises or by my own doing, I WILL drown.
As I sit here this morning, I'm already a tad nervous. I feel like the last couple of years I've been in one uncomfortable circumstance after another.....actually that IS true...not just something I'm feeling.....I HATE it but I cannot argue that I AM growing and changing. As I begin to teach and lead this Fall, there is no doubt God is equipping me. Why? Why this way? No sense in even asking the question. There is no answer I would understand. And it is not for me to understand...it is my opportunity to take it all in and learn from it. God, what are you trying to teach me? How are you trying to grow me? How does this trial make me more like you? And here's a really big question that I'm asking today......how can I do what I need to do AND take care of myself? How do I restore the "normal" rhythms of my life while taking care of the current circumstances?
"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2) David may start this way, pouring his heart out to God....where are you? When will I see You? Is this forever? What I love about God is his broad shoulders. He desires to hear our broken hearts. He can handle our anger and sadness. He wants that kind of relationship with us. And when we are ready, he speaks...and we hear him....and in ways I'll never understand we begin to praise him IN the storm. David ends his lament this way: "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."
My time with Jesus each morning is so precious to me. I always, always feel better, more equipped and ready to start my day.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24
Today, I'm going to rest in knowing that God's got it even if it doesn't all look like I think it should. I've already made my bed....maybe I'll tackle that sink full of dishes. Normal is good. Rhythm CAN happen even in uncertainty.
Be blessed today.
No comments:
Post a Comment