Then this question popped into my mind:
Does grief REALLY change a person at their core or does it just take time for them to return?
I randomly picked a new scripture card for my stand in the kitchen. I have not changed it in months. On top of the above question this scripture appeared on the new card:
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him...."
Lamentations 3:25
I have spent the better part of four months seeking him. Redeveloping my homebody status.....I feel like shouting from the rooftops, "It's ME! I'm still here! I'm still her! I'm not lost!" It feels so right.
And just as I feel a bit like the contented homebody I used to be, my Fall calendar begins to fill up with new opportunities to serve the kingdom (more on that another time). Does God have a sense of humor or does he simply say, "Don't get too comfortable?" I think it's the latter.
I'm reminded of Watchmen Nee's book Sit Walk Stand. In it he gives a wonderful example of each of the three:
He says of sitting, "When we walk or stand we bear on our legs all the way of our own body, but when we sit down our entire weight rests upon the chair or couch on which we sit. We grow weary when we walk or stand, but we feel rested when we have sat down for a while. So also in the spiritual realm, to sit down is simply to rest our whole weight -----our load, ourselves, our future, everything ----- upon the lord. We let him bear the responsibility and cease to carry it ourselves."
As I sit here this morning, after a week of outside work, in the physical sense I see this analogy very clearly. In the spiritual realm, I'm learning to allow him to bear my responsibility and to stop trying to carry everything myself.
So his analogy proceeds that as you learn to SIT only then can you WALK.
"Though the Christian Life begins with sitting, sitting is always followed by walking. When once we have been well and truly seated and have found our strength in sitting down, then we do in fact begin to walk. Sitting describes our position with Christ in the heavenlies. Walking is the practical outworking of that heavenly position here on earth. As a heavenly people we are required to bear the stamp of that heavenliness upon us in our earthly conduct..."
Walking the walk....only by first sitting am I equipped to stand. This is the time right now ..when I am learning to sit. To be content in quietness, to fill myself with him, to rest in him, to follow closely beside him.
Nee says, "Unless we bring heavenliness into our dwellings and offices, our shops and kitchens, and practice it there, it will be without meaning."
I've been a believer for 36 years....I love the Lord.....but I have never known him better than these last few months. And, as I sit with him, that relationship will deepen and I will grow in my understanding. The walking will look different. Sitting with the Lord this summer is equipping me to walk in new ways. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. Excited to be used for his glory and just nervous enough to desire to be prepared.
Nee continues, "Christian experience begins with sitting and leads to walking, but it does not end with these. Every Christian must learn also to stand. Each one of us is meant to be prepared for the conflict. We must know how to sit with Christ in the heavenly places and we must know how to walk worthy of him down here, but we must also know how to stand before the the foe."
And I think this is the biggest and hardest part for me. There is a lot of "stuff" to work out of me if I am to be productive in ministry. I've been told by "veteran" ministry leaders that ministry is hard. There's conflict. What? Everyone loves Jesus! Can't we all just get along?
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes."
Ephesians 6:11
"Stand against" means, "hold your ground".
Nee explains, "Armies march into other countries to occupy and to subdue. God has not told us to do this. We are not to march but to stand. The word stand implies that the ground disputed by the enemy is really God's, and therefore ours. We need not struggle to gain a foothold on it."
We need not struggle for that which is already ours!
And in conclusion....
"No work is worthy to be called a work of God if God is not, in this sense, committing himself to it. It is the authorization to use his name that counts. We must be able to stand up and speak IN HIS NAME. If not, our work lacks spiritual impact. But let me tell you, this is not something that can be worked up at a time of crisis. It is a fruit of obedience to God and of a resulting spiritual position known and maintained. It is something we must have already if it is to be available in a time of need."
The date written in the front of my book is June 1, 2010 yet God brought it to mind this morning 12 years after having read it. I remember it's impact then and now.
Perhaps a hot cup of tea and a reread is in order for a day that has a clear calender.
Watchmen Nee was a very wise man. Sit Walk Stand is an excellent quick read. Not to be compared and never replacing God nor his word....but as an instrument to dig deeper. That's what I'm going to do as I sit today.... on this glorious morning.
Have a beautiful day.
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