Quick to listen...

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
James 1:19‭-‬20

•Quick to listen

•Slow to speak

•Slow to become angry

I thought of this verse yesterday as I was dealing with my mom, her surgery, the hospital staff and the extreme lack of information and communication. 

I'll be transparent here...I was quick to anger, quick to speak and slow to listen. And to explain it all would be more than anyone wants to hear. Suffice it to say God challenged me with those two verses until I sat down last night and took a breath.

All said, mom's surgery was typical, went very well....thank you to everyone who prayed for her. Recovery will be complicated considering her foot issue. I find myself, again, in a position of not being able to plan but simply having to force myself to be still and be in the moment. 

I'm sitting on my porch, this morning, it's a dismal day....yet I wish I could sit here all day. To some it will sound terrible....I don't want to go..that's just that transparency shining through.....still others will completely understand....

There are no more conversations that invoke laughter...or memories....there's pain, resignation, talk about rehab, recovery...talk about complications, the unknown.... there's SO.MUCH.UNCERTAINTY! It's sad and it's exhausting. It's end of life issues while life is still going on. 

If I didn't truly believe that God is trying to teach me something, grow me in understanding or simply help me to feel his presence at all times.... surely I would go crazy. But, as I sit at his feet this morning, I realize all the ways he IS teaching me, he IS growing me and he IS present. He wastes nothing...not even the really hard stuff. He will never leave me. He is my strength, my ever present help in trouble. Because I know this to be true, I can face today with his courage, his strength, his wisdom, his provision.

I can barely fathom how I could walk this journey without my Jesus...yet my mom is. I'm sad for her that she is now trying to do everything in her own strength and her own resolve and her own will. And I'm watching it all fade away....without Christ we can NOT sustain the fight....those who know him know it...but those who don't, fight until the fight is gone. 

Today I'm going to try to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. It's a new day....to be his hands and feet....it's a new day to shine Christ.

I would covet prayers again for God's will for my mom and for me, that I could be strong in decision making, kind in dealing with people and compassionate and understanding with my mom.

Have a blessed day.