Monday, May 10, 2021

Hard Days...continued....

My grateful journal lays open this morning....but today it's truly tough...Add two years to my post below and the thoughts and feeling are the same. I can't NOT relive these days over and over. Six years later I remember every word of every conversation. I remember everything we did and everywhere we went. It's not even THAT day...for I had one more day....but it's a hard day... tomorrow is a hard day...the days that follow are hard days BUT God #291 ✔️, the lover of my soul #292✔️ has me firmly in his grip #293✔️  what a blessing. I'm surviving! #294✔️ I'm living! #295✔️ I have a purpose! #296✔️ Thanks be to God! #297✔️


Have a beautiful day!

Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

❤️❤️❤️🖐️🖐️👣

May 10, 2019

Good morning! It's Friday! Four years ago today I was unknowingly spending the last day of my life with my beloved husband. It was a beautiful, sunny Mother's Day. Since that day I have truly grasped the concept of "wasting away". Not in the sense of not living but in the sense that nothing in this world stays the same. I'm not sure I fully understood it until the one I loved most on this Earth was plucked from my life, just like that. One moment I was kissing him goodbye the next I was saying goodbye forever. 


"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

James 4:14


And just like that....he was gone....and the 40 years we had together were but a mist. 


When I remember that time four years ago, it's still surreal. The questions are still the same but so is the reality. He is gone and I am still here. His journey was complete and I still have work to do. What my work is I haven't a clue. For the first time I can ever recall I am completely content for God to roll out his plan for my life. His word says so many things that give me courage to allow him to lead. He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He has given me new birth into a living hope. He tells me to be patient and stand firm. He tells me not to be afraid for he is with me. He tells me to fix my eyes on what is unseen because what is seen is wasting away. He tells me not to merely listen to his word but to do what it says. He has set eternity in my heart. And from these beautiful words I can have confidence that he will place me right where I need to be and because he knows me better than I know myself it will be perfect. I cannot do that on my own.


This week has been dreadfully difficult. I've had to banish awful thoughts from my mind and replace them with God's promises. It is the only way. I am so very thankful for God's word. It sets me on the right path every single time and gives me the assurance that there IS something beautiful beyond this life.


"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11


God sees my future. I can dream, plan, manipulate even pretend but God KNOWS. My life, my purpose, my destiny was complete before I was born. I can try to delay his plans, I suppose I can say "no, I'm not doing that" or "I don't WANT to do that" but if I believe God's word and I do, his plan cannot be thwarted. And why would I want it to be?  I hate pain! I hate trials! But I cannot deny he is with me in the midst of them and that he is growing me despite how incredibly hard they are. He will never leave me nor forsake me and he will walk with me when I can stand and he will carry me when I can't walk. 


God, I don't know why I am now a widow. It doesn't matter because no human answer would ever satisfy and mend my broken heart. So I'm going to trust that you know what is best for me even if it's something I would have never wanted, anticipated or chosen. I'm far from laying all at your feet Lord. I am still a work in progress. I still hold too tightly to that which I think I can protect. Help me to open my hands fully...for there is freedom there I know. 

Have a beautiful day!

❌⭕❌⭕👣👣👣❤️❤️❤️

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