Speaking truth....

 

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."
Ephesians 4:15

When you're young you can't wait to get your driver's license.....you can't wait to graduate from high school. College? Is it over yet? I get to start my life as an adult! I'll make my own money, buy a house...get married, have 2.5 children...grow old with my beloved...die holding hands....what a life ! All planned. I had some of those plans...some came to fruition...some did not .....Can I be really bold? Being an adult really sucks sometimes. It's hard! Why do we wish away innocence? As you get older and the things you wished away have passed, you want them back. 😳 Honestly........nope, don't know how to finish that sentence. So here's a question that came to my mind this morning after a very difficult day yesterday....

Is it ever easy to speak truth in love?

My answer is unequivocally, "NO".

Though I never found it particularly hard with my children because I had that responsibility as a parent, it wasn't always easy but, it was, a very necessary part of parenting. "Train up a child in the way they should go", right?

I never thought I'd have to speak truth in love to an elderly parent... certainly not the incredibly hard truths that came out of my mouth yesterday. Necessary? Yes. Painful? Incredibly. Devastating? Absolutely. Doctors speak truth everyday. They can speak with a degree of compassion but sometimes even compassion and kindness cannot smooth the truth they are telling.

I think of Jesus....known as the Great Physician. He had to speak hard truths as well. His compassion did not alleviate the pain in the situation. Truth IS often painful. As my mom continues to shut down any comforting talk about Jesus I realize I am no comfort to her at all. If all I have to give her is the reality of her current situation....it's simply not enough. Not because I'm doing anything wrong but because there is only One who gives peace that passes all understanding, Jesus Christ, period. I am not a failure. I simply have health facts to present nothing else.

If my mom shuts Jesus out...she has two choices.... amputation or death by gangrene. There I stood by her bed listening to yet another doctor try to convince her to have the amputation. I'm guessing he may have seen the alternative play out.....sometimes choices in this life do not have a happy ending. It's not like choosing roses or daisies for your garden. It just might be life or death.... or death and eventual death. Right now my mom is also choosing spiritual death which could also be called final death.

As I remain obedient to the doors of witness God opens I find myself wanting so desperately to be the daughter of a mother who loves Jesus. To talk about his Word. To read scripture to her. To agree he is THE Way, THE Truth, THE Life. To agree that this life isn't all there is. That there IS life beyond this horrific circumstance. A bright, beautiful eternity with our Savior.

The conversation about the hard reality should never be a conversation between a child and their parent. EVER! It's heartbreaking and the exhausting.

I have read and looked at these verses in Romans each morning for a few months now. Every so often I pick a new card from the set. It is no coincidence that this verse is the one I need right now. It is no coincidence that I haven't changed that card out for months.

Suffering produces endurance. Endurance produces character. Character produces hope....

And back to the verse in Ephesians..."we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

I don't like how it feels to be mature, though I can't deny how he's growing me up.....I don't like it. Yep, even at 64....I'm still growing and changing and did I mention I don't like it? Can I just, voila, be mature? Actually no. Maturity is born out of suffering. It's no less painful just because I realize it.

Please continue to pray for my mom's salvation. This is the beginning of the end and it's not going to be good by any definition but so much worse if she never knows Christ. If she never knows comfort. If she never knows the peace that passes understanding. Breaks my heart as I watch her struggling with the question of, "Why is this happening to me."