Spiritual House

 

Power washing  - the act of using pressurized water to clean dirt, and other contaminants.

So you're probably wondering where this is going....hang with me.

The last two days found me  power washing my house. It had been six years since it was last done. The build up of dirt, grime, mold, mildew, bird poop, spider webs....well let's just say it was long overdue.....and on a side note, for those who hate spiders as much as I do.....I had to get very close to get rid of those egg sacks....what kind of glue do they use anyways? 😱

I disgress....

I was really impacted by the amount of dirt that had built up over time. As the wheels of my mind began to turn, I thought, "Lord, is there a lesson here? "

Long ago I realized my need of a Savior. I was "dirty" though I didn't know it and his promise to wash me clean was appealing even though I didn't actually know what it all meant nor how to acquire it.  I only know that now from looking back. But there was a day when I heard him call my name. I will never forget.  In a most remarkable way God chose to call me while I was on I-76 on my way home from work. How was I "primed" to hear? I don't know..... I was married by then and had two children.....a tragic circumstance (my cousin lost her husband and left her with three children under the age of four) had set me on a "that could have been me" journey that was very dark and very scary. But on that day in 1986..... I knew with 100% certainty that God was the only one who could help me out of that dark time.  And the very next Sunday and each Sunday thereafter  I went to church.... 

So it began....I was "power washed" that day by THE greatest power washer ever, Jesus Christ. He cleansed me from the inside out. And since that day, 36 years ago, he has been faithful.

So here's where it gets really interesting .....

If I neglect my house (which I have) the dirt builds and builds and builds. It seeps into every crack and crevice. It's invasive, insidious, unrelenting......I've been careless and neglectful in taking care of my house. 

I began to ponder my spiritual house .....

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
1 Corinthians 6:19‭-‬20

Do I care for it? Diligently? Daily?Do I nurture it? Do I keep it clean?  Do I feed it? Or do I neglect it? Pass it off for something more appealing?

Just like my physical house.....dirt seeps in. Sin is insidious. Insidious is defined as proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. On a day to day basis I gave my house a  passing glance....not really looking at it closely. When I got close it was filthy. Do I do that with my spiritual dwelling? Allowing sin to creep in, not noticing, not looking closely enough to see it? See, it's not like I didn't know my house needed attention.....I simply chose to ignore it....to put it on the back burner.....I'll get to it.... eventually. I've chosen to make the task at hand exponentially more difficult and time consuming because of my "I don't care" attitude.

Though neglecting my spiritual house does not mean I lose my salvation it does take me further from God. Maintaining a clean spiritual dwelling is hard work. It's a daily accounting.  A good friend called it, taking inventory. And the further I stray, the longer I let it go...the longer and harder it is to pick up the pieces and return.

I got up this morning to begin day two...the front was easier....but as I was working two powerful thoughts came to mind

First thought:

•Some of the dirt and grime came off easily, some not so much.

Isn't that just like sin!? It's easy to cast off that which doesn't necessarily entangle, right? I can proclaim I'm never going to use foul language again. Well ...I don't actually use a whole lot of foul language anyways....so that would be a fairly easy "wash", right? What about jealousy, pride, excessive spending??? Now we're talking about the stuck on dirt! 😳 Not so easy to wash away. And if I don't wash often it creeps back in.

Second thought:

•Next year I think I'll just do the front. It's easier and it's all people really see anyways.

How easy is it to clean up the outside, maintain a tidy appearance but not address the inside....the hard parts?

Each morning as I sit in His presence, with His Word I am reminded that this world isn't all there is and that my spiritual dwelling is forever. It needs constant attention, constant care, constant renewing, constant feeding. I'm thankful for that reminder. 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
2 Corinthians 4:16

Each day that I take my everyday circumstances to God and see him working through them is another day I've chosen to keep my spiritual house in order. Another day to get to know God better and more intimately. A daily washing by the power of Christ allows no opportunity for sin to seep in. I'm given another day to be clean. Oh what a Savior!

Have a beautiful day!

The Least of These....

A couple of days ago I went to the dentist. Those who know me know how much I hate going to the dentist. Everytime I go I remind my dentist that I love him and his staff and if I could stop in and visit occasionally that would be great. We laugh, I pull up my big girl pants and do what I have to do. I adult....even when adulting is not fun. 🙄

I needed a filling and a repair. The dentist numbed me up, I survived and an hour later I was on my way home.....but not without numbness that presented like Bell's Palsy. I know about Bell's Palsy because recently my grandson struggled with it as a result of Lyme's Disease from a tic bite. For six hours the entire right side of my face was numb. I could not blink and it was incredibly difficult to eat or drink. Suffice it to say, talking, while I could do it, well.... there was a lot of sputtering and yes, some saliva action, it was very uncomfortable and I was very self-conscious.🤦🏻‍♀️

Since it was the same day I was spending time with my granddaughters (who had a fully planned agenda) I couldn't just come home and wait for the novacaine to wear off. I found myself being unusually quiet, covering my face or explaining the "why". I'm not gonna lie, as the hours ticked on I thought (perhaps with some panic mixed in), "What if this doesn't get better? What if I have permanent damage to the nerve? What if I'm like this the rest of my life?" 😳

I began to think about people in the Bible that, by the way they looked or by what they'd done, by some deficiency they had or by some lack, were categorized as unlovely....the least of these if you will. As I dug deeper I was again and again reminded of Jesus' tender loving care of those society labeled as less than.

After having studied Exodus for two years I've been profoundly impacted by Moses. At one point he told God to pick someone else because he was so insecure about his ability to speak. Some research shows he had some kind of speech impediment...perhaps he stuttered. Yet, he was chosen by God. Though God did relent and appoint Aaron to speak on Moses's behalf, it's clear that God did not look upon Mose's speech issue as a deterent to his plan.

In 1 Samuel we are clearly told that God does not look at appearance.

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

And what about the church in Corinth? What did the Apostle Paul say to them?

"God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."
1 Corinthians 1:28‭-‬29

I love this explanation:

God isn’t saying that it is better to be foolish or uneducated. Rather, He is saying that the world’s wisdom and education does not bring us salvation in Jesus Christ. “In putting the strong and wise and great to shame, God does not exalt the weak and uneducated and worthless, but brings all of them down to one common level.” (Calvin)

Was Paul saying:

“you aren’t wise according to the world, you aren’t mighty, you aren’t noble - but you are among the foolish things of the world.” (EWC)

The commentary ended with this comment:

"No doubt, many of the Corinthian Christians were beginning to think of themselves in high terms because of God’s work in them. Paul will not allow this. They have not been chosen because they are so great, but because God is so great." (EWC)

Because GOD is SO great.....

It doesn't matter how you look, your status, your education, your wealth, or lack of, your possessions, or lack of....NONE of it makes you more or less useful to God!!

Jesus speaks of "the least of these" in Matthew 25. The "least of these" are described as those who are in need of basics for living ---- food, clothing and shelter. Have you ever heard the testimony of one of these who has been loved and cared for regardless of their appearance or social standing?

Years ago I saw a man sitting in church. I had not seen him before. His appearance was very unlike others. He stood out. Shorts and a tank top style t-shirt, tattoos from head to toe, disheveled hair....head hanging down as he sat there. God said, "Go talk to him". I had a bit of a conversation with God. "Are you sure? Me?" It was clear, God asked me to....and I AM greatly drawn to the artistry of a good tattoo 😉 ......The conversation, should I say his testimony, still blesses me to this day. I never saw him again but I will not forget him. I wonder if he felt out of place and uncomfortable......

One more story....I'm not always obedient 🙄....I was driving to church one Sunday morning. It was pouring rain. God said, "Give away your umbrella." I had a lot to say about that! I was coming closer to church and I saw a man walking in the rain ....he had shorts and a t-shirt on......I thought for a quick second, "Is this to whom I should give my umbrella?" I reasoned that he was already wet...what good would it do him now? I didn't think much more of it until I was dry and comfortable in my seat in church and turned and saw this very wet man sitting in the back. My heart was broken at my disobedience. He walked IN THE RAIN to worship the Lord and I wouldn't give my umbrella for not wanting to be a bit wet from my car to the front door. Recounting it now still makes my heart sad.

Jesus gave his LIFE for me. I didn't earn it, I don't deserve it but he freely gave it so that I am presented pure and blameless before the Father.

We each have a story.....a personal testimony....unique to us. God isn't looking at our appearance, our status, our wealth, our abilities.....he simply says come unto me and I will supply everything you need.

I love how God teaches through everyday circumstances. Sometimes it's joyful and sometimes it stings with correction but it's ALWAYS useful and ALWAYS causes growth.....if we're listening and have the "want to" to be changed. I can't wait to see what he has for me tomorrow.

Have a beautiful day!

Be still and KNOW me....

Yesterday I spent the day with my granddaughters. The youngest of which is quite taken with herself. I snicker inside, okay so sometimes I laugh out loud when she declares she's the smartest and prettiest in her family and of all. Then I respond, "And so humble!!" It's a thing....a kid thing...perhaps a very confident kid thing..... hopefully it's a kid thing. 🤭

Since I've been thinking a lot about thinking less of myself this verse came to mind:

"He (God) must become greater; I must become less.”
John 3:30

It's so easy to get caught up in self. I absolutely love C. S. Lewis's quote:

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less,”

Often translated:

"Don't think of yourself MORE, don't think of yourself LESS, just don't think of yourself AT ALL."

There are many verses about pride and boasting.

1 Corinthians 1:31 comes to mind AND it's instructional. “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” I love that! Turn from self promoting thoughts and boasts, to the Lord. Boast about what he HAS done or IS doing or just WHO he is!

As the storms of life come, because they will come, the Christ follower will, as time goes on, learn to rely on God for their strength, courage and ability to move forward. The one who doesn't know the Lord will lean on their own understanding and boast in their own abilities. And to some of us it looks like it works. You may know someone that looks like they've got it made in the shade. Life has been good, no traumatic events, money is abundant.....and we may wonder why this life of faith is what we choose.

Last night I had the blessed opportunity to run into a beautiful, 93 years young, woman. She has faced the death of her husband and two of her children. Absolutely horrific. How is she still standing? Because of her grit and determination or because Christ has sustained her? I actually don't know....that's not true.....I DO know.... Christ HAS sustained her....but I don't know if she knows. I'm pretty sure she does..... I'm merely using this as an example. What I do know is that if God grants me 93+ years I want to know that this life, a life where I've suffered tragedy is not all there is. It's not the end of my story. I want that ultimate family reunion!!

As I began to search and study God revealed so much more to me. He is such a faithful God.

This beautiful passage in Jeremiah really spoke to me.

"This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: THAT THEY HAVE THE UNDERSTANDING TO KNOW ME, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 9:23‭-‬24

THAT THEY HAVE THE UNDERSTANDING TO KNOW ME


Twenty years ago I had a daycare mom who was looking for care for one of her children. She told me she had asked a woman and the woman said, "I'll pray about it." I remember my response like it was yesterday, "I just don't get that, I said. How does that help?" The mom responded, "Me either."

As I look back now I SO get it and my response would have been SO different today. I love that that woman boldly said it AND boldly stood firm on her need to do it. She understood the need to know her God.


"Understand to know" is explained in one commentary three ways:


• “There is a nuance of practical good sense in the Hebrew here for understand, while to ‘know’ God means life itself, even to eternity.” (Kidner)

•The false things men take glory in – wisdom, might, riches, fame – are not only misguided, they are lower. The greatest glory, the highest aspirations, the greatest exultation are fulfilled in God and our true understanding and knowledge of Him. (EWC)

•God says, “Direct your desire to glory in something in the right place – toward Me.” We can take true glory, even the greatest glory in the understanding and knowledge of God. (EWC)

This earthly life is really, really hard. If you are a believer one's eyes are opened and so incredibly sensitive to so much. Sometimes the most faithful have such tracgic lives. Their testimonies are often incredible. Knowing God has saved their life. They simply cannot hold back their boasting in the Lord and his magnificent provision.

As I sit here this morning I ask myself these questions:

•What if I'm given 30 more years to know God?
•What if I wake up every morning and ask God to reveal himself that I may KNOW him?
•What if, regardless of my circumstances, I could REST in who he is BECAUSE I KNOW HIM?
•What if my goal each day was to boast about HIM?
•What if the daily silence is filled with his glory? His provision?

Begs the question, how would my life be different? I can't look into the future but their are a few things I know for sure:

•I WILL find rest for my soul.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him."
Psalms 62:5

•I WILL have all that I need.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19

•He WILL complete in me what he started.

".....being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6

•He will NEVER leave me or forsakes me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6

•My name is written on the palm of his hand.

"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."
Isaiah 49:16

Life's circumstances are hard. They are right in your face. Often it's hard to look around them. I take a great deal of comfort in knowing that God wastes nothing. He doesn't waste our pain and sorrow, nor our joys and triumphs. He teaches us who HE is. But we can also, regardless of our circumstances, rest in him by knowing who he is, by understanding who he is. By, daily, seeking him....not just when hard times come or they linger. Some hardships may never resolve in this lifetime.....we can be paralyzed by them or we can aspire to understand to know God in them.

I'm so grateful, that in the solitude of my life, God says, "Come, KNOW me." I've said it before and I believe it and feel it today.....knowing Him is my greatest joy.....
ND 
Have a beautiful day.

Confidence

Confidence - the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.

I woke with so many questions this morning:

•Am I walking life with confidence?

•What does it look like?

•Is confidence freely given, learned or earned?

•Do I allow my circumstances to dictate my level of confidence?

•Who/what is that "someone" or "something"?

•If I lack confidence, how do I develop it? Can I? Do I need it?

As I began to think about myself...doing a self-assessment, if you will, I began by first looking at what being confident does not mean. Perhaps by looking at what it's not, I could determine where I land.

When one lacks confidence they are:

Hesitant, indesisive, vacillating, wavering, diffident (modest, shy), unassuming, doubtful, uncertain, unsure.

It's always easier to critic ourselves rather than boast about ourselves. It's more comfortable to tear ourselves down rather than build ourselves up. When I look at the above antonyms I'm surprised my name isn't there...for they describe me...they fit my inner personality. They are who I am. I walk closely with them.

On the other side is confidence. Described by these words:

Collected, composed, cool-headed, poised, tranquil, serene, unshaken, hopefully, optimistic, rosy, upbeat, desisive, resolute.

I went to two graduation parties this past weekend and what I saw were three confident young adults ready to take the world by storm. They had plans, dreams and desires. All three were resolute, cool-headed, unshaken and hopeful. I was genuinely happy for them. Them having a confidence that I've always desired but never possessed.

As I was writing I began to go down a road, that I realized, could make me very sad. I don't get a redo. None of us do.

But God....
This life isn't all there is!! There's more So.much.more! And with confidence I went to the Word of God.

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."
2 Corinthians 5:1

My earthly tent is temporary! All the earthly confidence in the world will not secure my eternal house.

"Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked."
2 Corinthians 5:3

We groan..... true....this earthly life can often be hard, sad, tragic, unfair....we can lack confidence, direction and purpose. We feel vulnerable and naked. We often long for something more. Whether we know God or not there is a deep desire to know this heavenly dwelling.

"For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life."
2 Corinthians 5:4

We were created for Eden. Think about that. Eden was perfection! Every need met. Nothing else could be desired. And because of Jesus we will have that perfection again!

Isaiah's prophecy of that day is so beautiful:

"The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the cobra’s den, and the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea."
Isaiah 11:6‭-‬9

And so we know this:

"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord."
2 Corinthians 5:6

My struggle with confidence is because I struggle against the world. I'm placing my confidence in the world. My confidence is misplaced. This world is never going to give me the level of confidence that I already have in the absolute surity of eternal life.

"For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."
2 Corinthians 5:7‭-‬9

Which brings a different definition:

Confident - Certainty and assurance of one's relationship with God, a sense of boldness that is dependent on a realization of one's acceptance by God, and a conviction that one's destiny is secure in God.




"So we make it our goal to PLEASE HIM, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."
2 Corinthians 5:9

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

I am a servant of Christ. My confidence is in HIM not the circumstances of this world. That changes EVERYTHING!

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."
Colossians 3:1‭-‬3

This life is not easy. Especially when we put so much of our energy into pleasing others. As a Christ follower we are commanded:

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2

It does not mean it's an easy journey. I am called to live IN the world not OF the world. When we are asked to go against the grain...to turn from what is popular, attractive, enticing...what looks fun, seems okay...well it's hard. Sometimes we might even feel left out, feel like we're missing out..."but we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2

He did it FOR me and for everyone who calls him Lord. And we can have confidence with great conviction, that what he began he will finish!

Have a beautiful day!

The Hurt and the Healer

As I was doing the trivial, mundane task of changing my sheets and making up my bed, I was listening to music.

The song The Hurt and the Healer came on. I know it well ...I know all the words, I sing it....loud....yikes, what a picture.... 😳 

These words:

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I'll fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide.....

They are truly a profound mystery, to me. How? How does God breathe life back into a broken heart? How does he give life back? Honestly, I'm amazed at where I stand today.

Of course I can say because God has sustained me. And he has.....but how? Knowing the "how" or the "why" are questions I think are perfectly natural in our humaness but actually very little help if, any at all, in the grieving process. One must, with great faith, hold tightly to God's promises. To the mystery of the working of the Healer.

Mystery is defined as something that is difficult or impossible to understand or explain.

Who likes a good mystery? 

I once encountered a woman holding a book, a popular novel, that I had read and loved. I excitedly asked her, "Did you love it?" I'll never forget her response, "It was okay. I figured it out about half way through." To this day I can't figure out how she figured it out. I rolled the details over and over in my mind and I simply could not see what she saw that I so obviously missed. But I came to the conclusion that, other than a Hallmark ending which is so incredibly obvious, I don't really watch a movie or read a book to figure out the storyline before it's over. Nor do I want to. I'm not saying she did or didn't, I don't know that but what I realized about myself is that the surprise or shock of not figuring it out is very satisfying. I even have friends who actually read the ending FIRST to determine if the book is worth reading. What???

And, in some ways I feel the same way about my life circumstances and even God's Word. Sometimes I want to know, sometimes I don't, sometimes I'm content with the mystery of it all and sometimes I wait with great anticipation for the end of the story. Though God reveals much to those who have the power of Christ through the Holy Spirit....in the whole scope of things we must live and accept the mystery of walking a life of faith.

The Word of God speaks of his mysteries handed down to the saints, those who call him Savior.

The Apostle Paul wrote to the church on Colossae:

"My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ..."
Colossians 2:2

One commentary explains the mystery contained in that verse and two others:

1. The Biblical Use of Mystery: Something Revealed That Was Previously Hidden.

The secret that was hidden during the Old Testament period is revealed in the New Testament. This is the biblical use of the term, “mystery.” Mystery is used in this sense a number of times in Scripture.

2. A Mystery Can Be Something about God That Humans Cannot Completely Comprehend.

Believers can comprehend God’s love for us; but only to a certain degree. The depth of His love is an unfathomable mystery. While we know some things about the love of God, we certainly do not appreciate everything about it. It is truly a mystery.

3. Mystery May Refer to Something about God That Cannot Logically Be Understood.

An example of this type of mystery would be the Trinity; God is both three and one at the same time. While the Bible teaches the doctrine of the Trinity, it is beyond our understanding. This type of mystery would come under the category of a paradox; two truths that are seemingly contradictory, but in reality are not.

This type of mystery is something that we cannot logically understand. Thus, we accept it by faith because of the nature of God. God is a God of truth; He cannot lie. Therefore, we humbly believe certain truths that we cannot completely understand because of who God is.

Thus, when we encounter the word, “mystery” used in a Christian context, it can mean one of three things.

(Blueletterbible.org)

While I can't quite comprehend why I'm still standing I do know that this journey was ordained just for me. All my days were written before one of them came to be (Psalm 139)....so my story's not over.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight."
Ephesians 1:4

I was chosen before the creation of the world, he knit me together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139).....it's a mystery.....I don't understand it...I can't comprehend it....I can't explain it but I can't stay away from it, I crave it, I love it, my heart is changed by it. It is a great mystery which I already know will have an amazing ending!!

I've often commented that if we could actually grasp the depth of love our Savior has for us, our lives would be exponentially different. Of course if we knew it, would we strive daily to know him deeper, more intimately? A child rarely stops trying to please their parents...to somehow grasp that immense love. If Jesus loves me half as much as I love my children.....well ...that would be incredible yet, he loves me more than that! I don't actually have the capacity to understand THAT great of love. It's a mystery! 

There's not a single person that can't feel the deep joy of this mystery. Seek Jesus. He will reveal himself to youhttps://youtu.be/SqBMNSuDf7g and you'll never be the same.

Happy Celebration Sunday!

Bold prayer - Bold faith.....

"Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We are filled with the good things of your house, of your holy temple."

Psalms 65:4

I talked a lot about my husband yesterday. This happens when I meet with someone who doesn't know the circumstances behind his death. The question I'm asked most often.....Was he sick?......No.....😭. It's not that I don't talk about him often but certain conversations bring back "stuff"...... hard thoughts and feelings....... really hard , though some, long ago reconciled, still give me pause..... specifically, I'm reminded of how, in the years leading up to his death, I faithfully prayed for God to draw me closer to Him. "After" I was sure that God chose to take my husband as a means to do just that. I dealt with heavy guilt.....Was it my fault? Didn't I pray enough or "right". Didn't I study enough....wasn't I faithful enough? Did God need to get my attention! WAKE UP DIANNA! Is this how he was going to draw me closer to him?

I came home from my meet up and again pondered...I no longer ask God why he chose this for me. I realize there is no answer....none that would satisfy my craving for relief from grief.....I've already bartered and begged enough for a lifetime....I wouldn't say I've resigned myself to this life of widowhood...nor would I say I've experienced great joy in this earthly life since his death...but I'm no longer wrestling with God about the "why".

In my email yesterday I received an article that said this:

"God gives us what we pray for but often it isn't in the package we expect."

Why I'm always amazed at God's timing I do not know. What are the odds I would be dredging up old pain and an email with great insight would be waiting to be read. More profound is that I actually saw it AND opened it.

So what about bold prayers? I'll confess right here, right now I rarely, if ever, pray boldly. I want to... I love the Lord.....I desire to serve him, honor him, submit to him....but there is a part of my heart that tucks away that which is most precious to me. And all of the verses that show me clearly that he wants my whole heart coming flooding in.....

I realize now my prayer was a bold prayer...I didn't think about it being bold then...I just innocently loved God so much....

"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Mark 10:15

Makes me think about raising my children. I watched with a heavy heart as little by little their innocence and trust was chipped away. When I had to explain that things weren't always fair. When they wouldn't always feel loved and accepted by their peers. When they learned that not everyone has their best interest at heart. When the world can be very cruel.

As I get older I find myself mourning the lost innocence I had.....even knowing that I had lived in a broken world for a very long time.....I still didn't think "it" would happen to me.

Bold prayers are abundant in God's Word. Prayers prayed with boldness and faith.....and the "packages" the answers were delivered in? Well ..... often times not with a pretty little bow. I think of Hannah. She prayed boldly for a son.

"In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
1 Samuel 1:10‭-‬11

And the promise she made....she honored:

She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.”
1 Samuel 1:22

"As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.
1 Samuel 1:26‭-‬28

God answered her prayer for a son..which she surrendered to him at a very young age.....

When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego proclaimed they would not bow down to idols, surely they knew they were on their way to certain death in the firey furnace but they boldly said,

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But EVEN IF he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Daniel 3:17‭-‬18

BOLD prayer.... BOLD faith.....

The article is so good I'll post the link below but here's one more portion for the sake of wrapping up here:

Expect the Unexpected

When God begins to answer our prayers, we often find his answers disorienting. Circumstances might take unexpected courses, health might deteriorate, painful relational dynamics might develop, financial difficulties might occur, and spiritual and emotional struggles might emerge that seem unconnected. We can feel like we’re going backward because we are not clearly moving forward. We cry out in painful confusion and exasperation (Psalm 13:1; Job 30:20) when what’s really happening is that God is answering our prayers. We just expected the answer to look and feel different.

This being true, we might be tempted to not even ask God for such things. I mean, who wants unpleasant answers to prayers for joy?

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-unexpected-answers-of-god

And that last part is the journey I'm on....casting out the fear of praying with boldness and faith. Scripture tells me that God knows my heart, he knows what I'm holding back, he knows the fears my lips refuse to speak....he already knows....nothing is hidden from him...however, in the heart of the believer, one who loves the Lord, there is a desire to pray with boldness. I want to! Knowing full well that the package most likely won't look how I want it to. Such an odd juxtaposition isn't it?

I have a friend that prays for transformation "whatever it takes" and I tell her with great certainty, "I will NOT be praying THAT!" Doesn't mean my heart doesn't desire that boldness, that confidence, that "all in" attitude. I'm just not there yet.

Dont judge.....

"He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem."

Isaiah 53:2‭-‬3

I like one commentary that said Jesus wasn't necessarily ugly but he was perhaps not one who would turn your head.

I think of all of the movies that I've watched about Jesus. He's always cast as a very attractive man with dark flowing hair, tall, thin, not at all how these verses describe Jesus.

Then it occurred to me that attractiveness is subjective. It's personal. Would I recognize Jesus? Do I have a preconceived idea of what I think he should look like? And I began to ponder how often one's worth is determined by outward appearances.

When we look at others what do we see? Too tall. Too short. Too skinny. Too fat. Tattooed. Pierced. Unkempt. What do we see that sways our thoughts and our opinions about a person? Are we concerned about the color of somebody's skin? Their ethnicity? Their customs? Their beliefs? Their jobs? Do we think less of people who have a high school education as opposed to a college degree? Do we think less of someone who drives a beater versus a brand new expensive car? What about how somebody dresses? Do we consider them "less than" if their appearance is disheveled? Do we level the judgment, "boy they must not care about themselves much!" Do we look at someone differently who hands the cashier a government food card? Do we look in their cart to see what they are buying? Do we determine who they are by what they eat? Appearance is such a big deal! It is the first impression. Of course someone can have every hair in place, dressed to the nines, and have the heart of a cold fish. The opposite is true as well ...those who have really hard lives can be the kindness, most gracious people.

When I read God's word and I see how Jesus was treated, how he was beaten, how he was spit on, how he was despised, rejected, laughed at, ridiculed, it reminds me that people did not desire a relationship with him FIRST before they determined who he was, what he wanted and why he came. They judged him by their own circumstances, what THEY wanted, what THEY had predetermined this Savior would look like, how he should act and what he should give them.

Do we not do the same? We want to be in the popular crowd. We have FOMO (fear of missing out) like it's our job!

But that's not at all what God's Word, our "instruction manual" for living, tells us. Look at just a few passages:

Leviticus 25:35
"Now in case a countryman of yours becomes poor and his means with regard to you falter, then you are to sustain him, like a stranger or a sojourner, that he may live with you."

Ruth 2:10
"Then she fell on her face, bowing to the ground and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your sight that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?”

Job 31:32
“The alien has not lodged outside, For I have opened my doors to the traveler.

This precious passage in Matthew puts it all in perspective.

Matthew 25:34-30
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I used to think kids were cruel because they lacked knowledge and life experience. I thought mean girls had a chip on their shoulder from past or present hurts and they weren't going to let anyone else hurt them so they hurt first. But the older I get the more I realize that the sinful nature is inherent. And it's evident in children very young right through adulthood. I am so convicted, where I used to be in denial. I used to think I was a victim. Too weak to defend myself. But the deeper I dig into God's Word, the more I realize the insidious ways sin creeps in...in the tiniest moments.....but I'm also very encouraged...because I can change in those tiny moments, one by one and become more like Christ. We don't have to have major changes for all to see. We can have tiny heart changes that only God sees.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

It IS a heart issue! I feel ignored. I feel less than. I'm not favored. I'm not pretty enough. Smart enough. NO!!!

Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."

I think of a prisoner who is where he/she is because of the things they've done. Though there are consequences for their actions, God doesn't love them less. God doesn't love less the girl who made a bad choice that morning that resulted in my husband's death. Oh and believe me I've judged her.....harshly. I've judged her family, her upbringing, her appearance.....the circumstances, her attorneys.... you're probably thinking I was justified, right? Truth is, she is no different than me before the Lord. If she, like me and every other follower of Christ, repents before the Lord she will be sitting with me in glory at the Lord's supper. I can either be outraged and declare, "How dare you!!" Or I can be grateful, that in my bad choices, he forgives me too.

There are times when truth must be spoken in love. "In love" implies there is a relationship to whom you're speaking truth. That is not the everyday eye rolling that I often employ. Yikes ..I'm actually rolling my eyes at myself right now at the truth of that last sentence.

Jesus IS my perfect example. Bit by bit... circumstance by circumstance...I can become more like Him. Today I'm going to look at the tiny thoughts and actions that keep me from being Christlike. Want to join me?

Have a beautiful day!

I am the vine....

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

John 15:5‭-‬6

It is a beautiful morning. The air is crisp and cool...reminds of the waning days of summer....I almost expect leaves to be fluttering through the air to the ground. The thought to grab a sweatshirt has crossed my mind. Learning (no, not natural....and add a lot of struggling) to get away with God has been my greatest joy in this season of my life. Each morning God has been so faithful to bring beauty out of his Word to my heart. This morning is no different. I love the anticipation and then the surprise I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I am surprised at all. As I sit here this morning I'm really happy I don't quite understand it all. That the excitement of what God's going to show me will never be mundane...known...anticipated... it's new every morning! Praise God! I feel like a kid in a candy store...that 64 year old "kid" that, last week, visited Sugar Kingdom and filled her box to the brim with Salt Water Taffy!! 😳

Anyways 🙄

I love these passages in John. I find it hard not to post the entire passage. John 15:1-17 is packed with spectacular metaphors. So deep and rich in beauty. If you are someone who sometimes struggles to retain information (me), metaphorical writing or speaking provides a picture for learning and remembering.

When we become Christ followers we are grafted in. We become part of the vine.

Grafting - to attach a twig or bud from one plant to another plant so they are joined and grow together.

If you're curious here's a short video. ....there are many on YouTube.

https://youtube.com/shorts/39c2vN43vJM?feature=share

Romans 11:11-24 talks about being grafted in...I love these passages as well:

"If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you."
Romans 11:17‭-‬18

I think often about the three very large dead trees I have along my fence line. They are completely barren. There is no life in them. Then I look at the trees on either side of them that are flourishing, nourished, full of beautiful greenery. Those trees were and are me! Once I was dead...now I am alive. Once I was barren...now I am flourishing. Once I was ignorant...now I am without excuse. Once I was a branch tossed into the fire, useless...now I am part of the vine.

I don't believe I was saved until I was nearly 30. I did have an identifying moment when I knew I needed Jesus but not what some might call a spectacular, life defining moment. As I look back now it actually was....but I just didn't know it. I didn't start walking seriously with the Lord until I was 42.

"Do not consider yourself to be superior..."

I fall easily into the comparison trap. Especially in the company of who I would call "seasoned" Christians. They know more simply because they have walked longer. But, in God's eyes we are all equal at the foot of the cross. It's not about what I look like in the eyes of others...NO....it's about my personal relationship with Christ! Him and I, period!

HE is the gardener! HE is the Root! HE keeps the vine healthy! HE planted ME! HE sustains me! HE gives me life! And what is my responsibility? REMAIN IN HIM! And the result? I WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT!

As I sit here this morning, alone, I wonder about my worth. What fruit am I bearing? Is it enough? I'm reminded of Brother Lawrence.....a monk...whose job in the monestary was dishwasher. His book, Practicing the Presence of God, shows how he did just that in the everyday mundane task of washing dishes. I watched a documentary on how a cruise ship runs it's day to day operations. One woman's job was to run the laundry department. To make sure that all sheets and towels were washed and ready..... thousands of towels and sheets to turn every Saturday. She said, "I do it for the glory of God."

So, as I sit here this morning, in God's presence, I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing:

"Glorify God and enjoy his presence forever."

No pressure to be seen. No pressure to perform. No pressure to prove myself worthy. No pressure to conquer the world. No pressure to collect accolades. Just me and my Savior enjoying time together.

Have a beautiful day!

Work out your salvation....

I'm usually a pretty earlier riser so when I say I woke in the wee hours this morning....well ...it was early, even for me. Sometimes I roll my eyes in disgust.....why, on mornings I'm able, can I not sleep? This morning, instead of the eye roll, I asked God, "Do you have something for me?" Surely there is a purpose, right? Clearly, I heard Philippians 2:12. Curious, as I had no idea what this passage was, I reached for my phone.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."

Philippians 2:12‭-‬13

Such a great verse and so complimentary to our Bible study conversation last night. Only God....so I dug in to see what God might be trying to teach me and, ever faithful, this is what I learned .....

"as you have always obeyed" got me right off and running.....who was Paul talking to and how has it happened that they always obeyed and how does this apply to me in my life today?

The book of Philippians was written by Paul to Timothy, all the saints at Philippi to include the overseers and deacons.

If you are a Christian, you are a saint in Jesus Christ.

It is pointed out in Philippians 2:8:

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!"
Philippians 2:8

By being obedient he was humbled....

I am a rule follower. I was raised in a way that obedience was not an option. I'd love to say the fear of God was placed in me really early in life but now that I know what that actually means....well it wasn't the fear of God....it was fear, no question, but not of God. I'm not a rebel...I was never a rebellious child....often called goody two shoes, naive, passive....the older I get the more I fight against those "labels" however, the closer I walk with Jesus the more those so called labels or perhaps more fitting, attributes, have actually become helpful in walking in obedience to Christ. I am reminded of this verse:

"Then Pilate said to him, “Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?” But he gave him no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed."
Matthew 27:13‭-‬14

Perhaps I am to say nothing. Maybe silence is required. Could it be that I need not be heard? I'm always blown away at the fact that Jesus was quiet when he had every right to defend himself against those wrongly accusing him. But who was he pleasing? His Father!! Am I not to do the same? Isn't Christ my perfect example?

I have often said I only have one story to tell. That is MY story. The one I've been provided wholely and personal to me. No one can tell my story better than I. Sure, someone can tell that my husband was tragically killed...but they can never tell the profound changes in me that occurred because of that tragedy. It's mine. It belongs to me. Same applies to working out my salvation. No one can do it for me.

But how do I do it?

Have you ever really admired someone? Loved how they dressed? Their hairstyle? Maybe you love how someone parents their children. Or how someone landscapes their yard. You love how someone decorates their house. Simple things like noticing a nail color or a purse or a car.....

Perhaps you've heard "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

We are called to be like Jesus! Imitators of Christ!

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children."
Ephesians 5:1

I would be in a very different place if I imitated my earthly Father. But my heavenly father? He has every character trait for which I should strive.

Since I am a rule follower I feel quite comfortable with a rules check list. I asked a friend for just that in relation to a ministry I'm involved in. I want to do what the church wants me to do. Her reply was simple but surprising to me, "What does the Word of God say? If you're right with God's Word you'll be right with the church." In other words, whether I'm working in a ministry or working out my salvation, my "instructions" my "check list" IS the Word of God!

It's prudent to point out that we don't work out our salvation as if we have something to contribute to make it sure....I like how this commentary explains it:

"This is not to work their salvation in the sense of accomplishing it, but to work out their salvation - to see it evident in every area of their lives, to activate this salvation God freely gave them. There is a sense in which our salvation is complete, in the sense that Jesus has done a complete work FOR us. Still there is also a sense in which our salvation is incomplete, in that it is not yet a complete work IN us." (EWC)

Lastly, if you tend to operate out of fear like I do...the fear and trembling part of this passage might bother you a bit....I liked this explanation:

"Paul’s idea was not that we should live our Christian lives with a constant sense of fear and terror, but that we should live with a fear of failing to work out your own salvation."

The closer I walk with Christ I see this point. I am more and more aware of my choices....whether they align or are contrary to what God's Word says. And when I fail, which I do, I am grieved....and when I'm not grieved and think my words and actions are justified (which does happen) there is a working out until I can see it His way...not my own. My prayer of late has been that the "working out" would have me turning to Him with greater understanding, sooner, quicker.....

So I ask these questions this morning:

•What does it look like to be obedient? Am I? Always? If not, why not? What are my strongholds that prevent me from being obedient? Am I looking to Christ's example? Am I going to THE resource, God's Word, for instructions before going in my own strength?

•What does my daily working out of my salvation look like? How am I doing it right? How could I do better?

And now that I've been up for several hours...I understand why. God is gracious to fill the hours and I'm thankful.

Have a beautiful day. 🥰

Being a disciple....

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

2 Timothy 4:7

The apostle Paul wrote this to Timothy at the end of his ministry....at the end of his life.

I woke with the thought of running a race. I've pondered, actually grieved, about how my beloved and I would go for a run outside or run side by side on the treadmills at the rec center. I think about the perseverance it took...the stamina, the endurance....the work, the want to, the desire to be fit and healthy....our main goal was to be healthy and available to our children and grandchildren.

I'm not surprised that's God's Word talks about our walk with Him being a race....one that takes training, endurance, perseverance, stamina but even before that a desire and a "want to" attitude.....with the goal of serving the kingdom in a manner worthy to Him. To be the best we can be....to win... "the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day --- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." (2 Timothy 4:8)

In Matthew, Jesus lays out The Great Commission. He tells the Apostles:

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:18‭-‬20

My question: What does that look like for me?

And wow....where my study went from there (from MY original thought) in typical God style, He showed me, not what I was curious about, not what I thought I wanted to know, not what information I thought I wanted to share, but what HE wanted to TEACH ME.

And that's why, what I write and what I share is not from me. I'm really so happy about that....truly I am.

I'm sitting at an odd time in my life ...it's fairly quiet right now....I'm spending a ton of time in the Word of God. Filling myself, learning, submitting, embracing the quiet, the aloneness....but a beautiful albeit scary opportunity is peaking through a small crack in the door which makes, what life looks like now, very, very essential.

So what exactly does The Great Commission mean to me? I surely don't feel called to the ends of the earth. What actually does "go and make disciples" look like for the average Christ follower?

Google the definition of "disciple" and you will find many, many responses...across many, many resources. So what is a disciple of Christ? Am I one? And, if so, what am I called to do?

Disciple - In Christianity, disciple primarily refers to a dedicated follower of Jesus. This term is found in the New Testament only in the Gospels and Acts. In the ancient world, a disciple is a follower or adherent of a teacher. Discipleship is not the same as being a student in the modern sense. A disciple in the ancient biblical world actively imitated both the life and teaching of the master. It was a deliberate apprenticeship which made the fully formed disciple a living copy of the master.
(Hebrew meaning)

I'm reminded here that Matthew 28:19 says, "Therefore, go and MAKE disciples" clearly intimating that you aren't, BAM! a disciple. Disciples are MADE! I like the last sentence of the above Hebrew meaning of disciple - A DELIBERATE APPRENTICESHIP WHICH MADE THE FULLY FORMED DISCIPLE A LIVING COPY OF THE MASTER.

Being a disciple of Christ first means I must be a dedicated follower of Jesus. Then I must actively imitate the life and teaching of Christ. Obviously this is where the above mentioned race comes in....where perseverance produces endurance and endurance hope...that I may be filled to the brim....so that, I become a living copy of the Master.

Answering the call of The Great Commission is no joke. Read about the lives of Peter and Paul...it's hard work, unappreciated toil not only by strangers but sometimes your peers and fellow workers. It's grueling work... laborious....In a world where recognition is the name of the game and that extra bonus in your paycheck is the goal....being a disciple for Christ might seem quite harsh.

Jesus brought the good news to us, he died for us....a horrific death... despised and rejected....he came to earth to do the will of his Father not to be recognized in the ways we strive for recognition.

Paul says:

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead."
Philippians 3:10‭-‬11

"The apostle Paul’s singular ambition in life was to know Jesus Christ experientially. More than merely acquiring superficial head-knowledge, Paul wanted to connect with Jesus on the closest possible relational level“
Gotquestions.org

Do I? Is my desire to FIRST KNOW Christ, intimately, relationally, experientially?

And just like God is able to do, creating a seamless circle back to the beginning, I can ask myself these questions:

•Am I willing to run the race set before me?
•Do I want to KNOW Christ and the power of his resurrection?
•Am I willing to fight the good fight
•Am I up for the challenge (for it is a formidable one) to do what it takes to be a dedicated disciple?

What a beautiful morning to ponder on such questions.

Have a beautiful day. 🥰

I am not an island...

Island - a piece of land surrounded by water.

I spent a week on an island....I did not once cross the bridge to the mainland...not a single time. Everything I needed was provided on that island. It was time away from the busyness of the world. It was a time to slow down, to enjoy family, to laugh, to eat unbelievable amounts of food, to just be.... and to remember......and to forget the world for just a time. The memories didn't seem to sting as much this year....there were no tears this trip.....just sweet conversations and precious, precious laughter among the memories.....

As I sit and write this morning I'm reminded of this verse:

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19

And he did last week. I am so incredibly grateful.

I was excited about getting away AND found it hard to leave home all at the same time. I "religiously" put on a beautiful necklace my best friend gifted to me shortly after my husband's death....it feels like I am purposely taking a part of him with me. The necklace reads, "To the world you were just one person but to me you were the world." It has another charm that reads "husband" and two charms representing him and I. It's precious to me...not only because of the kindness and love of the giver but because it represents how I feel each time I leave "our" home.

See, this world, outside my intimate circle, doesn't know my beloved. People look at me and they don't know my story, my heartache, my burdens, my joys nor my sorrows. In my own circumstances I am an island. I can't head back to the "mainland" where all is right again. In fact, the "mainland" IS a myth. Something I create. It's fluffy! All is well! No sorrow, no pain...no heartaches, no death, plenty of what I want and all that I need. And when I am happy that means that my children and grandchildren and family also have all that they need. That existence is neither real or possible.

I look at the island I envision and am immediately reminded of Jesus' words in Revelation:

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:4‭-‬5

Oh my goodness! YES! I desire heaven on earth!

When I try to live IN the world, but not OF the world, disappointment and dissolution seep in and shatter my "beautiful plan" every.single.time. Makes me sad when I put myself on the throne...thinking I know better than the one who created me. Doesn't even make me feel better to know that others do the same thing. Misery loves company? Not so much......

I am NOT the island. I am NOT the one supplying all the needs. I am NOT all-sufficient. I am NOT an island unto myself. GOD is the all-sufficient one. GOD is the supplier of all my needs. GOD is the Alpha and Omega.....the Beginning and the End. GOD is the one who says, "Follow me and you'll never be thirsty again." GOD says, "I am the vine and you are the branches." GOD says, "I will supply ALL of your needs." GOD says, "I'm going away to build a house for you and I'll come back and get you." GOD says, "I will wipe away every tear." GOD says, "MY power is made perfect in weakness." GOD says, "Come to me ALL who are weary and I WILL give you rest." God's Word says so much more.... God IS the island and he bids me, "Come, rest with me. Come, I AM your rest. I AM your peace. I WILL supply ALL of your needs. I AM your island...I am THE island...the place you can escape to find rest for your soul."

As I sit here on my porch on this cool summer morning.... the birds chirping and the gentle breeze soothes my anxious thoughts of what lies ahead today. Re-entry is hard. Leaving the island and the time away from the mainland was good and profitable for me. It was what He knew I needed. But the island isn't really gone. God isn't gone. He is my respite. He is my ever present help in trouble. He never leaves me or forsakes me. I have my own beautiful island, Jesus Christ. All goes "south" when I choose to leave the Island...when I choose to live on the mainland. Everytime I allow my thoughts and actions to move me from the Island to the mainland I lose my promised peace and my sense of direction. And I forget:

".....being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

God's not done with me yet. I am not complete. I am on a journey. Not once, EVER, am I told to leave the Island and go out on my own. Not once, EVER, does God instruct me to do something he has not empowered me to do. Time and time again he stands on the shore and shouts to me, "Dianna, come back!! I've got what you need!" And sometimes, sadly, I keep rowing.

I'm so thankful for God's Word. It fills me, it teaches me, it corrects my wrong thinking, it comforts me and it gives me great joy.

I know there will be times I leave the Island, perhaps even knowing I shouldn't...but....I remain confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day Jesus calls me home for eternity.

Love your neighbor....

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22:36‭-‬39

This verse came to mind as I was standing at the fence talking to my neighbor. I began to ask myself this question:

Who is my neighbor?

Neighbor is often defined as a person living near or next door. But that's not exactly what Jesus meant. The biblical definition of neighbor is the coming alongside someone. Someone, anyone...... EVERYONE......not just next door or across the street. And did you catch the part "love your neighbor AS YOURSELF"? I'm taking a class on the book of James. James 2:8 states,

"If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF ,” you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it."

Quite a few of the students had a bit of trouble interpreting the "love yourself" part. What does that mean? How do we learn to do that? I loved the professor's reply. He stated quite simply that he believed that whether we think it or not we already love ourselves. It's not something you learn, it's inherent (existing in something as a permanent, essential, or characteristic attribute) I really appreciated that statement. It gave me a lot to think about. At some level, I think we all know it to be true.

When we moved into our house after our honeymoon, I was 21 and my husband was 23. Our neighbors next door had kids nearly our age. Up until the time of my husband's death they served well as our surrogate parents for over 30 years. We had many "at the fence" conversations. They were and are still deeply affected by my husband's death. They told me they would watch over me. And they have with great care. Really precious. I love them. So casual are our conversations at times....from baking to fishing...and then sometimes serious like health issues and prodigal children. With each conversation, each kind word, each immense serving of compassion and kindness, I come away loving them more. 67% of my life has been lived as their neighbor.

If I use my relationship with my neighbor to model what it looks like to love your neighbor (the people God puts in your path), what does scripture says it looks like:

Leviticus mentions it first:

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18

•Forgive (Matthew 6-14-15)
•Love one another (John 15:12)
•If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
•Please and build up (Romans 15:1-12)
•Carry each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2)
•Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving (Ephesians 4:29-32)
•Look to other's interests (Philippians 2:4)
•Be compassionate, have humility, meekness, patience (Colossians 3:12-14)
•Respect (1Timothy 5:12)
•Don't be partial (James 2:1-3)
•Honor (1 Peter 2:17)

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:18

If I think about my "mission field" or my "circle of influence"...these would be people I have the opportunity to love everyday. Not just waving as I go to the mailbox but those I cross paths with at Walmart, the eye doctor, the hair salon, dog groomer, friends, family, strangers, acquaintances....it could mean calling someone, sending a text or simply smiling. There's an awareness, a desire, a sense of responsibility. To love others doesn't always mean a grandiose, seen-by-many, outreach. In fact, nobody may see it at all. Have you ever gathered a few grocery carts from a parking lot and returned them to where they belong instead of leaving them go saying, "It's his or her job. They can do it." Can you imagine the blessing to the one who is responsible for gathering them in the pouring rain or in sub zero temperatures? Can you just imagine the impact it would make if everyone did a small act of loving their neighbor each day?

I read what was supposed to be a "joke" but I felt it was really telling of how we often seek to "teach" someone a lesson...

A man was in a drive through and evidently was taking too long to order. The person behind him was obviously angry. So when it came time to pay he paid also for her order. Really nice, right? When she realized that he had paid for her order she was pleasantly surprised and probably a bit embarrassed...but when she got to the next window to pick up her order she had discovered that the man took her order as well. His lesson to her was that since she was so impatient she would have to get back in line and wait again. He sure showed her didn't he? My thought was how much more impactful and convicting might it had been for her the next time she felt impatient when she thought of how kind that man was to pay for her meal. I know, it's just a joke but I was convicted....I've been the impatient one! 😳

We all fall short of the glory of God....none of us is righteous, not one. Hence, why we are in need of a Savior. As I have loved and cultivated a close bond with my next door neighbor, I'm well aware that there is another neighbor that I really struggle with. A long history of battles. It burdens me. Each time I try...I get angry and frustrated....he's not a nice man and has a mouth like a.....well....not.....hmmm....nice. Sometimes loving others is not reciprocal. I don't believe there is a verse in scripture that says love others IF they love you back OR treat others the way you want to be treated IF they treat you the way you treat them. See, these verses, for the Christ follower are commands. DO IT!! We don't get a pass..... nor are we perfect.....nor do we never not struggle.

I think about my "not so nice neighbor" all the time. There is deep conviction. I try, get stung, and with God's courage, I try again....and again....and again.

Being the hands and feet of Jesus can be quite easy if you're simply saying, "Have a nice day." Sometimes it IS that easy. But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes we are called to love the unlovely. The difficult person. Sometimes we simply don't want to. Sometimes we think it makes us look weak if we turn the other cheek. Loving others as we love ourselves? It's definitely a working out.

Lord, you are the perfect example of love and kindness and goodness and compassion. I want to be your hands and feet in a very troubled world. As I go about life today help me see those you place in my path. Help me not to miss blessing others or miss the blessings you have set in place for me to receive. Help me to keep my chin up, to make eye contact...not to be so caught up in my own agenda that I miss it. Lord, I don't want to miss it.

The Son is shining...

 

I was driving to the car dealer to have my car serviced listening to the radio. I heard the song Perfection by Switch. A portion of the lyrics go like this:

"Cause when all I see are the flaws, you see perfection, perfection ...Looking through this mess of a heart, you see perfection, perfection

Show me what's behind your eyes. Don't think I can trust in mine. When all I see are the flaws, you see perfection, perfection...."

I struggle greatly with perfectionism.....I will beat myself up over the smallest imperfections.... those I see in myself....those I determine to be imperfect......I was pondering that thought like I have a million times before, as I listened to that song, and for a crazy few seconds in my mind's eye I saw this visual: Someone (Jesus) was standing there in a white robe.... another person (me) walked right through it.....the robe was dirty but the person (me) came out glowingly white on the other side. In an instant I thought of this verse:

"......he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him....."
Colossians 1:22

Everytime I make a mistake, anytime I make a bad choice, when I'm ugly, unkind....whenever I sin...it is "processed" through that white robe, Jesus Christ himself, not my own grid, and I am completely spotless and blameless on the other side.

Holy, blameless and above reproach (these words show that in Jesus we are pure and can’t even be justly accused of impurity (EWC)......why, when I know these things to be true, is it still so hard to grasp that he loves me THAT much? I am made pure, not by any of my striving, "simply" by Christ's death.

This was such a powerful visual of Jesus taking my impurities and filtering them out, so that, I am not my ugly self before my God. I can't stop thinking about it!! Just maybe God knew it was exactly what I needed on this day in this moment. This, again, is such a powerful example of head knowledge becoming heart knowing. All of us who accept Christ as our personal Savior know that Jesus took our sins to the cross. But there's a working out over time, through the sludge of life's circumstances... individual, no two the same. And when the lightbulb goes off it's sweet....light given in a way you don't expect, personally for you, and you can't ever forget it....even if you try.

That said, I am not without responsibility. Just because I'm saved and sealed doesn't mean I can live a life that is in opposition to God.

"....if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister."
Colossians 1:23

I must continue to walk in my salvation......and it's hard...for the believer AND the unbeliever. No one is promised a life without pain, heartache, suffering, hardships.....but without Jesus this life is all there is....I live with the certainty that there IS more...beyond the pain and suffering! I live with great anticipation that I will see again my husband and all those who proclaim Christ as Lord. All will be made new and perfect.

When God called me to be still months ago, though I resisted at first, I surrendered.... finally..... I'm realizing with more clarity than ever before what a gift and privilege it is to be called daughter...to KNOW him, to have his friendship and a close, personal relationship with the One who knows me better than I think I know myself. The time I've been given to know him better is a gift ..though until recently, I didn't realize how precious it was and continues to be.

God shows me something, big or small, every single day. Sometimes in the quiet morning and sometimes when the world or my circumstances are really loud....he's always working....if I don't see it it's not because it's not there....this morning I'm waiting...waiting is hard....and if waiting isn't hard enough it's about my grandchild this time. See, life doesn't stop. You're not just tossed one trial at a time. They can overlap.

"When it rains, it pours, but soon the sun shines again."

How many times I've said that quote...this morning I thought:

"When it rains, it's pours, but the SON is always shining."

True story! When all else is, at least, irritating or at worst, overwhelming, the SON is still shining.

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
Psalms 121:1‭-‬8

God's Word...such beauty....amazing provision....glorious promises....all inclusive to those who call on his name.

Dont cherry pick scripture....

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19

Will he?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

Is it?

No temptation (test) has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted (tested) beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted (tested), he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

True?

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7‭-‬8

Will it?

All of these verses are absolutely true. The problem arises when I think I know what it looks like.

Oh how dangerous it can be to take the Word of God out of context. Oh how tempting it is when trials come and you're "thrown for a loop".

Cherry-picking (the action or practice of choosing and taking only the most beneficial or profitable items, opportunities, etc., from what is available) is ill advised. Finding a verse and slapping it on one's circumstances is often done when one is trying to justify their actions or to find God favorable or responsible in the midst of a trial.

I'm reminded of Moses. He felt ill equipped to do what God was calling him to do.

He began like this:

“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
Exodus 3:11

Insert here a lot of conversation between God and Moses. Important conversation!!God told Moses exactly how he would equip him with exactly what he needed, to do what he was asked to do. Read Exodus 3:11-4:17

His insecurities lead to this argument:

“Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
Exodus 4:10

To which God replied:

“Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
Exodus 4:11‭-‬12

And even after that Moses gave it one more try because he was still insecure with what God was asking him to do:

“Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”
Exodus 4:13

Moses had a lot of questions and doubts about his ability to do what God was asking him to do and he spoke those boldly to the Lord.

After God told Moses all that he would do through him....he still asked why?

Sound familiar? Sure does to me. Can I be blunt? I feel like I am getting hammered right now. I can't even dodge the arrows because I never even see them coming. I, like Moses, want to say, "Please send someone else. I'm not equipped nor do I feel capable to carry, let alone carry out, what you're asking of me. It's TOO much."

Two weeks ago I wrote in a journal, "I don't understand what you're doing." That comment was regarding him clearly telling me to be still and know him. And here I am two weeks later so burdened in life I'm praying for the discontent I felt then.

I cannot tell you how important it is to walk for TODAY. Enjoy quiet if that's what you've been given. Hold fast if the trial is difficult. Don't look to a future you do NOT know. Don't plan further than you can see. Don't assume you can actually see further than the day you've been given. If I can get up and say, "Lord, you promise new mercies each morning", and look to him who is able to do more than I can ask or imagine..... immeasurably more....than I can rest that he is in control, he KNOWS, he's on it....and there is rest for my soul.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

And every single time I fully rely on God's Word...no not out of context....not just plucking for my circumstances....but truly grasping what he is saying...I am resting in the One who KNOWS me better than I know myself.

Matthew 6:34 isn't all there is...in context I am told not to worry about my very life....not just tomorrow....but what I will eat or drink.....what clothes I will wear...whether I'm successful or not...whether I'm prosperous or not .....it's ALL incompassing.

Everyone who hears these words is like a man who builds his house on the Rock. That Rock is Jesus Christ. ...the Way, the Truth and the Life.

I can't be more right when everything else looks so wrong....so unfair ..so skewed....so undeserved....when I sit at the feet of Jesus. There is peace that passes all understanding. Easy? No! Necessary? Yes! Commanded? Absolutely!

His will not mine....

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

My mom is going home today having been denied rehab by her insurance. This is a hard pill to swallow. She is not ready. I have zero idea what the immediate future holds. I don't know if she'll do well for a day, a week, a month or a year. I don't actually know if she can live independently for a few hours or if she can even be mobile enough to care for her basic needs. There really is no good ending....only time will sort it all out.

I feel myself, like slow motion, falling into caregiver mode, of which I resist with my whole being. Do I sound like a rotten daughter? Do I appear selfish and unloving? I don't think so. I "think" I know full well my capacity to be a caregiver. Am I questioning God's Sovereignty? I don't think so. I just don't see what God sees and he knows far more about my calling and capabilities than I do. Am I asking him why circumstances are as they are? You betcha! And once again I think about my friend Job.....he just may be becoming my best friend.

I will say to God, "Do not condemn me; let me know why you contend against me. Does it seem good to you to oppress, to despise the work of your hands and favor the designs of the wicked?"
Job 10:2‭-‬3

Spurgeon states these reasons as to why God might contend against Job (and me):

•It may be that God is contending with you to show you His power to uphold you.
•It may be that God is contending with you to develop your graces.
•It may be that God is contending with you because you have some secret sin that is doing you great damage.
•It may be that God is contending with you because He wants you to enter the fellowship of His sufferings.
•It may be that God is contending with you to humble you.

Can I stand firm with a watchful eye and open heart to see what God desires to work in or out of me? I want to but right now I don't know if I can. 😔

What I know to be true this morning as the sun is rising is that my circumstances are far easier to manage in the light than in the dark of night. Sleep escaped me as I thought of every worst case scenario. Satan was in bed with me whispering and I was silently yelling, "No!! He who began a good work...No! He works all things for good....." Yet, the night was long....sleep was intermittent at best.....

But God....

The dawn of a new day, new hope, new strength, new courage. I'm reminded of when God sent manna in the desert. Strict instructions were given to gather enough just for that day. Over and over I've tried to plan ahead, set things in order and everyday I am clearly shown that I can only look at today. Do what needs or can be done today. If I try my own way I am overwhelmed and very confused. If I go God's way his grace is sufficient, period.

The sovereign God of the universe called me. Though the walk is often difficult it is NEVER without purpose. He works for the good of those who love him and have been called...but here's the stickler... according to HIS purpose and HIS will....not what I think I can do or what I think I need......or what I want.

Please continue to pray for my mom's salvation. Pray she has eyes to see and ears to hear. Pray for me that I would walk moment by moment in his will. Not looking ahead...and not looking back.