Dream - a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.
I had a dream last night.....dreams aren't always good....they aren't always bad...some you remember vividly and others bits and pieces.....this dream was about as real as you could get...except it wasn't real...we were at our beach vacation, sitting at the table in the kitchen of our beautiful condo. I look up and there he was, sitting at the table across from me....He asked me "how much did this place cost?" I told him....truthfully....because money was always a worry to him but I had made a promise not to "cut any corners" or "try to sugar coat the situation" something I had struggled with for a very long time.....then he replied...not with words but his signature facial expression of surprise and like always, I explained that that is how much condo rental is and could we please just enjoy our family for a week and not worry about money......
and then....
because our discussions about finances always put me in a place I didn't want to be (because of bad choices I had made in the past) I looked up, looked at him and I'm crying, not because of the money issue....because reality hit me like a brick....
I said "Oh my God.. you are here?!?! HOW ARE YOU HERE?"
See, even in my dreams, I now know that he is gone.....but it felt so real...the conversation was so real...one we'd had SOOO many times....and even though money was a bone of contention for us I would welcome those conversations again...all of them....
*the MOSTLY good
*the infrequent bad
*the nearly non-existent ugly
I've said it so many times to so many people, "we were in such a good place"....a beautiful place. A place you get from 41 years of knowing each other, working together, raising children together, sharing grandchildren, talking about retirement...what our golden years might look like....goals...LOTS of goals....and a sweet thought I had the other day while making the bed....
I am SO grateful he was here to raise our children.
He could see them grow into the wonderful adults they are today. That he got to meet four of our five grandchildren and maybe just leave a little bit of him on their hearts. I'm grateful that my good thoughts and memories far out weight the heaviness of sadness these days. That, for me, is movement....it's progress! Thanks be to God!
Sweet Jesus, I believe you send him to me in my dreams for comfort. Comfort that I still know his every move, his every facial expression, his every response....I remember. I am so thankful for those moments though still very, very painful. I miss him Lord, but you already know that too. Help me Lord to keep looking to you when sadness threatens to overtake me. Give me the strength to be an overcomer. Amen
Sweet Jesus, I believe you send him to me in my dreams for comfort. Comfort that I still know his every move, his every facial expression, his every response....I remember. I am so thankful for those moments though still very, very painful. I miss him Lord, but you already know that too. Help me Lord to keep looking to you when sadness threatens to overtake me. Give me the strength to be an overcomer. Amen