I am a puzzle......

Yep, that's what I've decided. I AM a puzzle. A complicated one with many pieces. You know the kind of puzzle that is mostly one color with a difficult design that takes FOREVER to put together? The kind that you start with wonderful enthusiasm and then set aside for long periods of time and then come back to again just sure you can complete this time?

Yesterday I began studying for our Tuesday night Bible Study which begins on July 6th. I found myself a tad uncomfortable with the first lesson as it was all about our fears, of which, I have a lot. As I got into the study it asked questions like "What are some of your own fears?" "In what ways do you see Christ reaching toward you, even during your fears?" "All of us fear death to some degree. What encouragement do you find......" and so on......

When answering the first question "What are some of your own fears?" my first fear was the fear of death. Maybe not the very act of death but of leaving this world and all of those that I love. Then adding the fear of cancer or other serious health issue for me or my children or any member of my family. Beyond those two really huge fears, virtually nothing else of any consequence...nothing that would hinder my everyday living. But I must say I am not preoccupied with death or illness in my everyday life either. But those questions did stir a lot of thought in me. Revealing some of my inadequacies as a Christ follower. That's why I love Bible Study. I can examine, really examine myself and where I need to learn and grow.

Hence, the whole puzzle theory . I thought "hmmm, I'm like this huge spiritual puzzle with many pieces. I'm complicated and difficult. I choose to work on myself until it gets too hard and then I quit until what was too hard becomes a distant memory and then I start again, this time, hoping to finish." Then I realized that I will never be finished until I am with God in heaven! I will only be complete when He calls me home. Okay, so each time I endure a trial or test of some kind, a piece of that puzzle is added. When I have a friend or family member that is hurting and needs compassion, to my heart, a piece of the puzzle is connected. When I experience injustice and am angry, to my wisdom, a piece of the puzzle is connected. When I know someone is in need and I provide, to my goodness, a piece of the puzzle is connected. When I feel the need to say something to someone and instead hold my tongue, to my self-control, a piece of the puzzle is connected. When I want all the answers IN MY TIME and I pray that I can accept answers "IN GOD'S TIME", to my patience, a piece of the puzzle is added. When my test seems to big for me to handle and I trust God instead of myself, to my peace, a piece of the puzzle is added. There are many more pieces, such as, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, joy and love.......I am a BIG puzzle.

I really feel like this is the way God is growing me up. He is teaching me through good times and bad.....adding to me, one piece at a time. It is up to me how I respond to being "built". I can be fearful, I can be angry, I can be resentful, unforgiving, unkind, uncaring, thoughtless....I can deprive myself of the love, compassion, gentleness, kindness, comfort and peace of a loving God....it is my choice. I can take the bad along with the good and as long as I LEARN from those experiences I KNOW that I am doing God's will or better put HE is doing His will in ME!

Praise God!

Test me, O Lord, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth.
Psalm 26:2-3