Psalm 139

"Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.”
John 12:20‭-‬21

There was a simple curiosity as to who this man Jesus was.

Curiosity is defined as a strong desire to know or learn something.

In the last four days I have said "I'm just curious" to multiple doctors and nurses as I've asked many, many questions about my mom's options......or lack thereof. I've realized, about myself, that I've always been a curious person. I've always had a strong desire to learn new things whether changing oil in my car or how to replace a dryer belt. Many personality tests I've taken have described me as a "learner".

I read a commentary this morning that describes the Greeks in this passage as curious when it came to figuring out who this man Jesus was.

Somehow, I'm not exactly sure how, but I felt a bit of relief in seeing my walk with the Lord, not being the obsessive need to constantly witness, but instead, just laying out a path of curiosity simply by being me! Does that make sense?

I can be so focused on my mom coming to the Lord that I forget to simply show her the peace that passes all understanding. The rest that tramples fear. The promise that we are never alone. The security that we are just passing through this life into the FOREVER.

I could frantically pound her with scripture with the reasoning that I don't want her to live eternity separated from me....I could even try to scare her...make her feel guilty... actually I could use the fact that my dad accepted Christ on his deathbed......but, if I believe God's Word I actually don't have to do any of this.

In my "normal" everyday conversation, effortlessly, I can create curiosity for her to WANT to explore. And this morning, as another day of uncertainty dawns, another day has also been given. Can I create a genuine curiosity about Jesus? Though it's just another way of seed planting somehow it seems more child like, more appealing, more like something a person might not realize is even happening.

My mom has elected not to have surgery. In her mind, things will get better. These decisions have to be hers and hers alone. She understands, at least for now, the ramifications of her decision. I support her choices fully understanding the heartache that eventually will come. But my eyes are focused on the Lord! There is nothing happening that he has not already set in motion.

I've read and reread Psalm 139. I didn't know why God put it on my heart to study it with my small group this summer but now I do.

•O Lord, you know me
•You perceive my thoughts
•You are familiar with all my ways
•You hem (protect) me in
•Where can I flee from your presence?
•For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
•Your eyes saw my unformed body...

ALL THE DAYS ORDAINED FOR ME WERE WRITTEN IN YOUR BOOK BEFORE ONE OF THEM CAME TO BE.

I will continue to pray for my mom's salvation and bravely take hold and respond to the opportunities he gives me to create that curiosity in her. All the while KNOWING that God already knows the result. For me, what a gift!! I'm not responsible for the outcome. That is a gracious and loving God!

This morning, I'm thankful. I have peace in the midst of really hard stuff because I am resting in my Sustainer....the lover of my soul.