"Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. BUT JESUS WAS SLEEPING. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
Matthew 8:24-26
It's 4:03 a.m. and I'm wide awake. A very typical occurrence.....I have not slept through the night but maybe a handful of times, in nearly seven years I've been a widow. Before "that day" I swear I could have slept through a hurricane. Now, I have become an early riser and an afternoon napper. Though I often long for the days when I was out like a light and the well rested body that has alluded me these last years, I also know that my God will waste nothing.
The Lord brought to mind Jesus sleeping in the boat. One commentary said of his sleeping it was, "a “dramatic contrast”; the storm raged, the disciples panicked, but He was asleep." (Bruce)
Bruce went on to say:
"We are impressed by the fact that He needed to sleep, showing His true humanity. He became tired and would sometimes need to catch sleep wherever He was able to, even in unlikely places. “It was the sleep of one worn by an intense life, involving constant strain on body and mind.”
And this precious conclusion:
"We are impressed by the fact that He could sleep. His mind and heart were peaceful enough, trusting in the love and care of His Father in heaven, that He could sleep in the storm."
He could sleep in the storm....
Did you catch this, "It was the sleep of one worn by an intense life, involving constant strain on body and mind.”
Worn by an intense life.
Worn - damaged and shabby as a result of much use.
Intense - of extreme force, degree, or strength.
I am not making comparisons of my life to the life of Jesus. What I can acknowledge, yet again, is that he has experienced ALL that I have, am or will experience in this earthly life. I've talked before about quantifying grief. I wouldn't say my grief is less because I lost a husband but someone else lost a child. I wouldn't say my grief is greater because I lost a husband but someone else "just" got divorced. I wouldn't say someone else is able to handle their grief better because they had time and knew their loss was inevitable but mine was in an instant, unexpected.
Grief takes a toll on the body, mind and spirit. At least it has for me. I am not the same. That is not to conjure up feelings of sympathy, it's simply stating a fact....I am forever changed.
Beyond the physical (issues with weight, pain, energy, motivation) and the mental (fatigue, brain fog, emotional rollercoaster)....
Hang on!! It's not all doom and gloom!
Jesus would never leave me in a state of disrepair! He would not set me on a path of ineffectiveness. He wouldn't leave me in the wilderness alone without provision. He didn't wash his hands of me when I couldn't feel his presence and he's not giving up on me any time soon. Actually, he NEVER will. My spiritual well being is his top priority now, in the past and in the future.
Spiritual well-being - the human need for meaning, purpose and connection to something greater than ourselves; relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical.
That "something" is SOMEONE who is and always will be greater than myself, Jesus Christ.
When I am worn, when life is intense, when I can't move, when I feel stuck, when I'm confused, when I feel unworthy, unusable Jesus says, "Come and I WILL give you rest."
The disciples were angry and frustrated.
"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him."
Matthew 8:23
They followed him now this? AND Jesus was SLEEPING! What?
Here's where my mind goes:
1. You told us to pick up our cross and follow you.
2. You told us if we do not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
3. We're here! We're ALL in!
4. Now you're SLEEPING!
I had all of those thoughts though a different time and different circumstances but what really touches me here is Jesus' ability to sleep in a storm. We read many times in scripture that Jesus withdrew to a quiet place. A time he could rest, renew, refresh, refuel and commune with his Father.
For me, these last six months have been intense. I am worn. I've been a bit discouraged and disappointed. On the outside (physical) and in life (mentally) everything is actually relatively good.
It's in the spiritual well-being where God is working on my heart that is a bit tattered. When Jesus says, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” it breaks my heart because that is me. I am in faith building mode and that can be a really hard place to "sit". Unlike the disciples, I'm not afraid, I'm just uncertain. I want to KNOW! I want to PLAN! I want to get things on the books! And yet God says, "Be still and know ME!" He's calling me to rest IN him. Much needed rest. Rest for my soul.
It's okay for me to say, "I don't understand." Even if I go kicking and screaming, it's okay. Even when I think I know the answers, it's okay. Even when I want to argue my point, it's okay. See, I AM having conversation with my Creator. In the quiet he's very gently showing me that HE has the answers and HE has the plans and HE knows what's best for my worn and tired soul.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will give rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
"Let ME teach you..." THAT is a promise.
So, it was very dark when he woke me and prompted me to write (for it never works out if it's me and not him)....and now hours later, he is finished.
Though I shouldn't be surprised I'm always am when God shows up in really cool ways. He woke me, gave me words, taught me and now I'm worshipping! Praising him for his continued care and concern for my heart. A heart that has been shattered and repaired. A heart whose void has been filled to overflowing with a Savior who loves me unconditionally.
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