“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you."
Luke 6:27-28
As I was writing this passage that came up in my scripture writing plan on Friendship, I thought, "Being hurt is no joke!!" Second thought, "The last thing I WANT to do is LOVE them!" If you're an "all in" type of gal like I am, you give your best, love with all you've got, lay your heart bare.....and.....it really hurts to be hurt. The tendency is to hold back love. Guard feelings. Be cautious. "Next time, I'll be stronger! I won't let them so close! I'll protect myself!"
I've spent a good bit of time praying, reading and being alone with the Lord, trying to resolve hurt feelings and to love like Jesus loves, unconditionally.
Reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman who baked beautiful loaves of banana bread and then delivered warm slices to other residents in her community. I was excited for her and for her kind heart. I tried to convince her what a blessing she was to other's and how this could be her ministry! Her response may not surprise others but it shocked me, "Well...nobody ever does anything for me." Before I could collect my thoughts and shut my lips I said, "Maybe you're doing it with the wrong motive. If you're expecting something in return is it really a gift?" 😳 I'm glad we're related and she's still speaking to me. Though truthful and not easy for her to hear she responded, "You're right".
In examining my own motives these questions came to mind:
1. What if I give and I receive nothing in return?
2. Should I even expect something in return?
3. Are my expectations unrealistic?
4. How should I rightfully view friendship?
And with that last question I went on a journey to search what friendships, grounded in Christ, should look like.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
I Thessalonians 5:22
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Colossians 3:13
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."
John 15:12-13
If, I truthfully and painfully examine myself, I find that in my upbringing and even in my early marriage; reveals me to be a very needy person. 😳 I am actually no different than the woman with the banana bread!! And my advice to her came back to slap me in the face....hard. Are my friendships "rated" on the quality of return or at least equal to that which I've invested?
I began to see how past life experiences have skewed my perception. And I certainly understand how, my perspective was leaning.
When I'm leaning.....I'm hurt.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths (make your paths straight)."
Proverbs 3:5-6
When I trust, my paths are directed and true; and hurt is vanquished (defeated thoroughly).
In light of this:
"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19
There's this:
"Without this knowledge, or sometimes even in spite of it, we exchange God's love for people's love and look to them for what only God can give --- unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision and soul security."
(Christine Hoover - Table Talk Magazine)
I read a great article on Christian Friendship written by Kelly Needham. She helped me see that when I am hurt by friendships I simply have wrong thinking. When they don't measure up to MY understanding and my expectations of what I think they should look like, MY thinking actually LEADS to my being hurt. It's not about them at all!
Take a look at her Five Marks of Christian Friendship:
1. True friends heighten our joy in God.
2. True friends expose sin in us that keeps us from God.
3. True friends encourage us to obey God.
4. True friends bring us to God in our weaknesses.
5. True friends love us for the glory of God.
"The essence of Christian friendship is companionship forged in the fire of two convictions: 1) Jesus alone can satisfy the soul and 2) his kingdom alone is worth living for."
"Therefore, the best gift a friend can give is a commitment to fight for our joy in and our communion with Christ. Conversely, the worst distortion of friendship arises when a friend encourages us, consciously or unconsciously, to place our affections elsewhere."
"Without this knowledge, or sometimes even in spite of it, we exchange God's love for people's love and look to them for what only God can give --- unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision and soul security."
(Christine Hoover - Table Talk Magazine)
I read a great article on Christian Friendship written by Kelly Needham. She helped me see that when I am hurt by friendships I simply have wrong thinking. When they don't measure up to MY understanding and my expectations of what I think they should look like, MY thinking actually LEADS to my being hurt. It's not about them at all!
Take a look at her Five Marks of Christian Friendship:
1. True friends heighten our joy in God.
2. True friends expose sin in us that keeps us from God.
3. True friends encourage us to obey God.
4. True friends bring us to God in our weaknesses.
5. True friends love us for the glory of God.
"The essence of Christian friendship is companionship forged in the fire of two convictions: 1) Jesus alone can satisfy the soul and 2) his kingdom alone is worth living for."
"Therefore, the best gift a friend can give is a commitment to fight for our joy in and our communion with Christ. Conversely, the worst distortion of friendship arises when a friend encourages us, consciously or unconsciously, to place our affections elsewhere."
You can read her entire article here:
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/true-friends-are-hard-to-find
Ya know, honestly, growth, while in the process, truly is painful. But digging deep and asking and allowing God to reveal and resolve those hurt feelings into understanding has SET ME FREE. Free from the hurt, free from expectations, free from disappointment, free to be who God created me to be! Free to love. Free to be ALL IN!
I confess, I can't believe I sit here and write about my upbringing affecting how I view friendships without acknowledging that others are also affected by theirs. Two people becoming acquainted, bringing their own unique experiences can produce ineffective, dysfunctional friendships if not grounded in Christ.
When we know Christ as friend (The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Exodus 33:11) and Christ becomes the very foundation of our friendships, when we love like Christ, forgive like Christ, listen like Christ, when we are present, kind and compassionate like Christ, ALL of those expectations, all of those perceived thoughts, all of those hurt feelings, vanish.
Relationships with misguided expectations, where confusion and hurt rear their ugly heads, are now in their proper place.
God, I am so thankful....and I am humbled. Thank you for your faithfulness in walking with me and directing my path. Forgive me when I wallow in hurt and my own understanding and don't come to you. Why I don't and why I lean, I now understand is the sin in me. Amen.
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/true-friends-are-hard-to-find
Ya know, honestly, growth, while in the process, truly is painful. But digging deep and asking and allowing God to reveal and resolve those hurt feelings into understanding has SET ME FREE. Free from the hurt, free from expectations, free from disappointment, free to be who God created me to be! Free to love. Free to be ALL IN!
I confess, I can't believe I sit here and write about my upbringing affecting how I view friendships without acknowledging that others are also affected by theirs. Two people becoming acquainted, bringing their own unique experiences can produce ineffective, dysfunctional friendships if not grounded in Christ.
When we know Christ as friend (The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Exodus 33:11) and Christ becomes the very foundation of our friendships, when we love like Christ, forgive like Christ, listen like Christ, when we are present, kind and compassionate like Christ, ALL of those expectations, all of those perceived thoughts, all of those hurt feelings, vanish.
Relationships with misguided expectations, where confusion and hurt rear their ugly heads, are now in their proper place.
God, I am so thankful....and I am humbled. Thank you for your faithfulness in walking with me and directing my path. Forgive me when I wallow in hurt and my own understanding and don't come to you. Why I don't and why I lean, I now understand is the sin in me. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment