Love Your Neighbor

 

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second is this: "LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF" There is no commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:28‭-‬31

Who is this neighbor?

"Our neighbor is anyone in our proximity with whom we can share God’s love. We are called not only to love those who are similar to us or with whom we are comfortable, but all whom God places in our path."
(Got questions.org)

I.AM.SO.CONVICTED 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have lived in my neighborhood for 43 years. A very difficult neighbor has lived here much longer than I. Suffice it to say we have had many "words" with this neighbor over the years....and when my beloved actually confronted this neighbor... well....THAT was a big deal. I remember that day well... when his Daddy Bear came out. A very rare occurrence indeed. 💔❤️

I'm not going to air all the "dirty laundry". It's not necessary and serves no point....but what I will say is that every time I read or hear, "Love your neighbor as yourself" I cringe a bit....maybe more than a bit. I always think of this neighbor first and then our "run-ins" with them. I shut down almost immediately and put up my protective shield (this neighbor reminds me of my stepfather), a well honed "talent". He (my step father) was a harsh, angry man. And maybe that is what skews my vision and causes my heart to be hardened toward my neighbor.

A few years back a young mom and her daughter became this neighbors next door neighbor. I've watched her minister to him, embrace him and love him. I once wanted to "set her straight" on what kind of person he really was but God clearly said, "NO". I realized I should not put disparaging thoughts about my experiences into someone else's heart. Actually, I realized then and have heard many, many times since, that I should not be harboring those thoughts in my heart either.

Even if said neighbor was my enemy, which they are not, I am called to love them anyways. Didn't I just write about that yesterday? 😳

This wise young woman told me she feels like God put them together. That he challenges her at times but she is called to love. That she is needed and this neighbor provides many lessons for her and he4 daughter.

She is so right. I found myself confessing to her that I just can't do it. I've prayed about it, asking God to help me...I'm either pathetically stubborn and disobedient or he hasn't given the provision yet. I'm thinking the former over the latter. Sign.....

I was deeply saddened when this neighbor's spouse died. I know the pain well. Though we've had our issues I would not wish that pain on anyone. Even one who gets my hackles up. I thought, if I approached him with my sincere regret for his loss I might see a different side. You know what's "funny", this neighbor did not show me a different side but he has revealed a tender, vulnerable side to this young woman. Though I didn't personally see my neighbor in a new light, she has helped me to see this neighbor differently.....and that softens my heart.

Seriously, how amazing is God. I'm learning how to love a tough neighbor through another.

As I sit here this morning, in the dark, I realize I have had very little communication with this neighbor. In fact, the last conversation we had was in the summer of 2019. I boldly admit just looking across the street elicits memories I'd rather forget.

But God......"Love your neighbor Dianna. Not in YOUR strength but with MINE. MY power is made perfect in YOUR weakness. I CAN do, through you, what you cannot do on your own."

I'm so thankful that God placed such a wonderful, caring, obedient woman as his neighbor for two very important reasons:

1. She loves because she knows her neighbor but also because she is called by God to love her neighbor.
2. That, through her, God speaks to me.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalms 73:26

My flesh and my heart have failed...but God...HE is my strength FOREVER.
And when (not if) I continue to struggle with those I deem unlovable I know this to be true:

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13

Friendship

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you."

Luke 6:27‭-‬28

As I was writing this passage that came up in my scripture writing plan on Friendship, I thought, "Being hurt is no joke!!" Second thought, "The last thing I WANT to do is LOVE them!" If you're an "all in" type of gal like I am, you give your best, love with all you've got, lay your heart bare.....and.....it really hurts to be hurt. The tendency is to hold back love. Guard feelings. Be cautious. "Next time, I'll be stronger! I won't let them so close! I'll protect myself!"

I've spent a good bit of time praying, reading and being alone with the Lord, trying to resolve hurt feelings and to love like Jesus loves, unconditionally.

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman who baked beautiful loaves of banana bread and then delivered warm slices to other residents in her community.  I was excited for her and for her kind heart. I tried to convince her what a blessing she was to other's and how this could be her ministry! Her response may not surprise others but it shocked me, "Well...nobody ever does anything for me." Before I could collect my thoughts and shut my lips I said, "Maybe you're doing it with the wrong motive. If you're expecting something in return is it really a gift?" 😳  I'm glad we're related and she's still speaking to me. Though truthful and not easy for her to hear she responded, "You're right".

In examining my own motives these questions came to mind:

1. What if I give and I receive nothing in return?
2. Should I even expect something in return?
3. Are my expectations unrealistic?
4. How should I rightfully view friendship?

And with that last question I went on a journey to search what friendships, grounded in Christ, should look like.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
I Thessalonians 5:22

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Colossians 3:13

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."
John 15:12-13

If, I truthfully and painfully examine myself, I find that in my upbringing and even in my early marriage; reveals me to be a very needy person. 😳 I am actually no different than the woman with the banana bread!! And my advice to her came back to slap me in the face....hard. Are my friendships "rated" on the quality of return or at least equal to that which I've invested? 

I began to see how past life experiences have skewed my perception. And I certainly understand how, my perspective was leaning.

When I'm leaning.....I'm hurt.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths (make your paths straight)."
Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6

When I trust, my paths are directed and true; and hurt is vanquished (defeated thoroughly).

In light of this:

"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19

There's this:

"Without this knowledge, or sometimes even in spite of it, we exchange God's love for people's love and look to them for what only God can give --- unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision and soul security."
(Christine Hoover - Table Talk Magazine)

I read a great article on Christian Friendship written by Kelly Needham. She helped me see that when I am hurt by friendships I simply have wrong thinking. When they don't measure up to MY understanding and my expectations of what I think they should look like, MY thinking actually LEADS to my being hurt. It's not about them at all!

Take a look at her Five Marks of Christian Friendship:

1. True friends heighten our joy in God.
2. True friends expose sin in us that keeps us from God.
3. True friends encourage us to obey God.
4. True friends bring us to God in our weaknesses.
5. True friends love us for the glory of God.

"The essence of Christian friendship is companionship forged in the fire of two convictions: 1) Jesus alone can satisfy the soul and 2) his kingdom alone is worth living for."

"Therefore, the best gift a friend can give is a commitment to fight for our joy in and our communion with Christ. Conversely, the worst distortion of friendship arises when a friend encourages us, consciously or unconsciously, to place our affections elsewhere."

You can read her entire article here:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/true-friends-are-hard-to-find

Ya know, honestly, growth, while in the process, truly is painful. But digging deep and asking and allowing God to reveal and resolve those hurt feelings into understanding has SET ME FREE. Free from the hurt, free from expectations, free from disappointment, free to be who God created me to be! Free to love. Free to be ALL IN!

I confess, I can't believe I sit here and write about my upbringing affecting how I view friendships without acknowledging that others are also affected by theirs. Two people becoming acquainted, bringing their own unique experiences can produce ineffective, dysfunctional friendships if not grounded in Christ.

When we know Christ as friend (The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Exodus 33:11) and Christ becomes the very foundation of our friendships, when we love like Christ, forgive like Christ, listen like Christ, when we are present, kind and compassionate like Christ, ALL of those expectations, all of those perceived thoughts, all of those hurt feelings, vanish.

Relationships with misguided expectations, where confusion and hurt rear their ugly heads, are now in their proper place.

God, I am so thankful....and I am humbled.  Thank you for your faithfulness in walking with me and directing my path. Forgive me when I wallow in hurt and my own understanding and don't come to you. Why I don't and why I lean, I now understand is the sin in me. Amen.

Spiritual Well-being

"Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. BUT JESUS WAS SLEEPING. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

Matthew 8:24‭-‬26

Sleep - a condition of body and mind that typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.

It's 4:03 a.m. and I'm wide awake. A very typical occurrence.....I have not slept through the night but maybe a handful of times, in nearly seven years I've been a widow. Before "that day" I swear I could have slept through a hurricane. Now, I have become an early riser and an afternoon napper. Though I often long for the days when I was out like a light and the well rested body that has alluded me these last years, I also know that my God will waste nothing.

The Lord brought to mind Jesus sleeping in the boat. One commentary said of his sleeping it was, "a “dramatic contrast”; the storm raged, the disciples panicked, but He was asleep." (Bruce)

Bruce went on to say:

"We are impressed by the fact that He needed to sleep, showing His true humanity. He became tired and would sometimes need to catch sleep wherever He was able to, even in unlikely places. “It was the sleep of one worn by an intense life, involving constant strain on body and mind.”

And this precious conclusion:

"We are impressed by the fact that He could sleep. His mind and heart were peaceful enough, trusting in the love and care of His Father in heaven, that He could sleep in the storm."

He could sleep in the storm....

Did you catch this, "It was the sleep of one worn by an intense life, involving constant strain on body and mind.”

Worn by an intense life.

Worn - damaged and shabby as a result of much use.

Intense - of extreme force, degree, or strength.

I am not making comparisons of my life to the life of Jesus. What I can acknowledge, yet again, is that he has experienced ALL that I have, am or will experience in this earthly life. I've talked before about quantifying grief. I wouldn't say my grief is less because I lost a husband but someone else lost a child. I wouldn't say my grief is greater because I lost a husband but someone else "just" got divorced. I wouldn't say someone else is able to handle their grief better because they had time and knew their loss was inevitable but mine was in an instant, unexpected.

Grief takes a toll on the body, mind and spirit. At least it has for me. I am not the same. That is not to conjure up feelings of sympathy, it's simply stating a fact....I am forever changed.
Beyond the physical (issues with weight, pain, energy, motivation) and the mental (fatigue, brain fog, emotional rollercoaster)....

Hang on!! It's not all doom and gloom! 

Jesus would never leave me in a state of disrepair! He would not set me on a path of ineffectiveness. He wouldn't leave me in the wilderness alone without provision. He didn't wash his hands of me when I couldn't feel his presence and he's not giving up on me any time soon. Actually, he NEVER will. My spiritual well being is his top priority now, in the past and in the future.

Spiritual well-being - the human need for meaning, purpose and connection to something greater than ourselves; relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical.

That "something" is SOMEONE who is and always will be greater than myself, Jesus Christ.

When I am worn, when life is intense, when I can't move, when I feel stuck, when I'm confused, when I feel unworthy, unusable Jesus says, "Come and I WILL give you rest."
The disciples were angry and frustrated.

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him."
Matthew 8:23

They followed him now this? AND Jesus was SLEEPING! What?

Here's where my mind goes:

1. You told us to pick up our cross and follow you.
2. You told us if we do not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
3. We're here! We're ALL in!
4. Now you're SLEEPING!

I had all of those thoughts though a different time and different circumstances but what really touches me here is Jesus' ability to sleep in a storm. We read many times in scripture that Jesus withdrew to a quiet place. A time he could rest, renew, refresh, refuel and commune with his Father.

For me, these last six months have been intense. I am worn. I've been a bit discouraged and disappointed. On the outside (physical) and in life (mentally) everything is actually relatively good.

It's in the spiritual well-being where God is working on my heart that is a bit tattered. When Jesus says, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” it breaks my heart because that is me. I am in faith building mode and that can be a really hard place to "sit". Unlike the disciples, I'm not afraid, I'm just uncertain. I want to KNOW! I want to PLAN! I want to get things on the books! And yet God says, "Be still and know ME!" He's calling me to rest IN him. Much needed rest. Rest for my soul.

It's okay for me to say, "I don't understand." Even if I go kicking and screaming, it's okay. Even when I think I know the answers, it's okay. Even when I want to argue my point, it's okay. See, I AM having conversation with my Creator. In the quiet he's very gently showing me that HE has the answers and HE has the plans and HE knows what's best for my worn and tired soul.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will give rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

"Let ME teach you..." THAT is a promise.

So, it was very dark when he woke me and prompted me to write (for it never works out if it's me and not him)....and now hours later, he is finished.

Though I shouldn't be surprised I'm always am when God shows up in really cool ways. He woke me, gave me words, taught me and now I'm worshipping! Praising him for his continued care and concern for my heart. A heart that has been shattered and repaired. A heart whose void has been filled to overflowing with a Savior who loves me unconditionally.

What if....

Living in the "What ifs"

I had a huge epiphany this week. An eye opening realization. A revelation from God. If asked to explain it in 30 words or less I'm not sure I could do it justice. If I gave the bare essentials I'm not sure even I, to whom it was given, could grasp the sheer beauty nor the incredible healing properties of it. Surely I would not see it as a gift. And it definitely WAS a gift....an amazing gift.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Familiar passage, yes? One usually learned early in one's walk with the Lord. One that, when things are going great, is easy to recite and testify to. But what if nothing makes sense? What if his plans look nothing like our plan? What if it feels like God doesn't see us? What if his plan is hard? Painful? Devastating? Disappointing? Confusing? What if?
I retired two years ago and at that time, I proclaimed that I was totally content to wait on the Lord and let HIM roll out HIS plan for my retirement. I prayed and I laid my heart's desires at his feet and boldly declared, "As you will Father, not as I will". And my desires were good desires. I wanted to serve his kingdom.... particularly in my church if that would be his will. I knew that he could send me out to another job or into my community and I was okay with that too. Good, solid, God-centered prayer and the rest and peace that comes from waiting..... or so I thought...

Two years later... serving his kingdom doesn't look at all like I thought it might. And at this point I'm not sure what I think it should look like. Talk about confusion.

"For God is not a God of confusion but of peace."
1 Corinthians 14:33

Because of that confusion and lack of peace, I have literally lived the last six months with so many "what ifs" swirling in my mind...that when God brought it boldly to my attention, I realized that I haven't actually LIVED at all. I've been holding my breath. I've allowed time to stand still IN my waiting. I've been dissatisfied. I'm disappointed. God, how exactly do I live IN the waiting? What if the "waiting" IS living? What if the day to day, quiet, one on one communion with you IS exactly where you want me to be?

For the first time in 43 years my home has been without a pet. It has been the oddest six months....not loneliness, but a sense that something is missing. At first I was relieved. I could come and go as I pleased. I could travel without worry and the extra expenses of dog care...and I did.....while the travel was fine and fun I realized I'm not a traveler. I'm not going to spend my retirement years globe trotting. I like to be home.....but not ALL the time...not too much. And as I continue to place parameters on what retirement should look like, the contentment, I once felt, has been slowly chipped away until I'm where I found myself earlier this week.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. . . . [For] your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” Luke 12:22, 30–31

I've wanted a new puppy for awhile and while this may seem silly or simplistic this is just one of the ways God is showing me that I'm not actually living life but living in the "what ifs".

1.What if I travel?
2. What if I get really busy in ministry?

Number one - God has shown me, what I've always been, a homebody and Number two - it may happen...but it hasn't....

I cannot be content in everything, when I continue to tie my contentment to the "what ifs". And I cannot live in the here and now if I'm constantly thinking about what "might" happen when fact is "it" might not....

In this passage Paul speaks to contentment:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11‭-‬13

He has LEARNED to be content....  I DECLARED that I was content! There is no "was" without having learned...oh silly girl....

Though the learning process is rough, sometimes painful the epiphany is beautiful. The grasping of truth is an ongoing journey. I'm sure my struggle with contentment isn't over but steps forward are healing.

This week I put my application in to adopt a puppy from a local shelter. And even in this simple action I'm going to wait.....if I'm not selected I'm going to be content in knowing the timing wasn't right or it wasn't the right puppy or it is his will that I not have a puppy at all. And I've learned that I can't stop living in the waiting because when I do my testimony is squelched.... dissatisfaction takes hold and "what's if" run the "show".

I don't know what my future holds but I know WHO holds it. I'm grateful that God opened my eyes. Because he has shown me that I actually am serving his kingdom. It just doesn't look like what I had envisioned. It's HIS plan. Honestly, I'm weary. Forcing self desires into an already laid out perfect plan is exhausting. I want off the merry go round of my own mind. THAT'S where contentment exists.

God, where are you?

"The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and POWERFUL WIND tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an EARTHQUAKE, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a FIRE, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a GENTLE WHISPER. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

1 Kings 19:11‭-‬13

How many times these verses have appeared....in a devotion, a scripture writing plan or a study....and each time I am deeply moved... sometimes to tears...
I could not nor do I care to count the numbers of times I've shouted, pleaded, lamented....begged, "GOD, WHERE ARE YOU!!?? I can't see you in this circumstance, I can't feel your presence, I can't hear your voice. Are you there? Do you care?"
I think it's timely to note that prior to this passage, Elijah was on the run and he was afraid. Scripture says he was running for his life. In 1 Kings 19:4 he said, "I have had enough, Lord; take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."

This world......LIFE can be really loud. And, for me, I admit it often is. I know that is why I'm where I'm at...I know that God is teaching me how to be still, to be less distracted and more content. I know that's why I have lots of time...lots of alone time. Knowing and learning to be okay with it are two very different things. It's that head knowledge versus heart knowing.....that he's showing me again and again and again. Am I a slow learner or am I just stubborn? A question I often ask myself.
Elijah knew the, "Lord was about to pass by". What was he looking for? After all, he was weary.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."
Genesis 1:1

Ephesians 6:10 says, "be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."

Matthew 19:26 says, "ALL things are possible with God."

Ephesians 3:21 says, "to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine"

Isaiah 26:4 says, "the Lord is an everlasting rock".

There are hundreds of verses that talk about God's power and strength. The Bible is full of miraculous signs and wonders. All proven....all historically accurate.

"After this I heard what sounded like the roar of a great multitude in heaven shouting: “Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God..."
Revelation 19:1

From Genesis to Revelation, from beginning to end God's power is revealed and recognized. 

What was Elijah looking for?

Was he expecting to see this great, awesome powerful God in the powerful wind that tore the mountains apart and shattered rocks? In the earthquake? In the fire?

Just about ten minutes ago I got a text asking for prayer for a very sick little girl. I sat here in my still, quiet house asking God for two things: miraculous healing for that little girl and that that miracle would be so loud that if her parents don't know Jesus they would, by that miracle, fall to their knees in gratitude. I want a big showing from a powerful God. But is it not true God can reveal himself in a gentle whisper?

I think Elijah might have expected God in a grand display....but what is so beautiful is that after the wind, after the earthquake and after the fire Elijah heard the gentle whisper!!! I'm not so sure I would.

In fact, after my great loss I wondered, for weeks, where God was and if he'd ever come back to me. Of course he never left me but the world, the noise, the grief were so loud I suspect, looking back, his gentle whisper, "I'm here my child" got lost in the chaos.
What a great lesson I can learn from Elijah. He KNEW the Lord was going to pass by so he remained steadfast in the midst of, what must have been, utter chaos and confusion. He stood, he believed, he persevered and when God spoke, he heard.

Life's circumstances are loud. It doesn't matter if the "noise" comes from loss of a loved one, you didn't get into that college, you can't have a child, you lose your job, your house is in foreclosure, you have a prodigal child or you're feeling discouraged and alone....it's ALL loud. There is no measuring stick. So here is the question I ask myself this morning;

Do I allow the noise of this earthly life to drown out the voice of my Savior?

Oh for the days.....

"Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house, when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me, when my path was drenched with cream and the rock poured out for me streams of olive oil."

Job 29:4‭-‬6

One of my scripture writing plans is on Friendship. Today's writing took me to the book of Job. In the beginning Job's friends learned of Job's suffering and immediately went to him and graciously sat with him for seven days and nights....they spoke not a word because they knew his suffering was great. After those seven days there began a lot of conversation and the friends that recognized the suffering started to look for ways to "explain" to Job the "why" of his suffering. I know this to be true, it is very, very hard to respond to another's suffering. It's awkward, you don't know what to say, you want to take their pain away.... I can say, for me, my friends were absolutely amazing. They sat with me for weeks, months and years. I would never be able to thank them or express my gratefulness for the countless kindnesses that have been extended to me. Job's friends? A bit....maybe more than a bit.....rough.

I've spend a lot of time in the book of Job in the last years. Job POURED out his grief yet he NEVER cursed God. One thing I never want to do is quantify loss. Job lost everything but his wife. His children (all ten of them), his way of life and his health. Would I say, "but he didn't lose his spouse?" Of course not! Would I say to the woman who is divorced through no fault of her own, "well at least he's still alive?" Absolutely not! Would I tell a young woman that can never have children that at least she has a great career? Good heavens! I've been following a young man who had a devastating accident that rendered his body useless from the neck down. Would I say to his mother, "aren't you at least thankful that you still have him?" No! Grief, no matter the circumstances or the outcome, is grief. A lost job, marriage, singleness, childlessness......dreams not attained...hopes and desires seemingly unnoticed.....grief IS grief.

Those who profess to follow Jesus know that nothing happens outside of his plan. In our hearts and minds we know that he has a plan, a perfect plan, for each of us. We often may not understand it. I still don't understand why, nearly seven years later, I am where I am. I may never understand the whys on this side of heaven...actually that's a 100% certainty in my case. I.will.never.understand, period.

In chapter 29 Job begins to reminisce about his former life. How many of those who have suffered loss have done just that? Job says, "Oh, for the days when...". I've said that too but then God opens my eyes to familiar scripture and shows me something new and really sweet. "Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when GOD'S intimate friendship blessed my house...."

One commentary says it this way:

"Job especially longed for the days before he lost his sense of God's closeness. There was a time when he felt that God watched over him and those days were gone." (EWC)
"His keenest sorrow is discovered. It was that of the feeling that, in some way, and for some reason, God no longeer watched over him." (Morgan)

“It is a great thing for a man to be near to God; it is a very choice privilege to be admitted into the inner circle of communion, and to become God’s familiar friend. Great as the privilege is, so great is the loss of it. No darkness is so dark as that which falls on eyes accustomed to the light.” (Spurgeon)

Oh my, that last sentence: "No darkness is so dark as that which falls on eyes accustomed to light."

And as Morgan said above, "His keenest sorrow is discovered." He could not feel the God who promises over and over to never leave us or forsake us.

Keenest sorrow....When you place your hope and future in the One who promises to love you, guide you, walk with you FOREVER you cannot comprehend WHY he allowed such things to happen and WHY he seems to have disappeared in the midst of it. I've done some research and can't find any definitive information on how long Job lamented.....how long God listened before he finally spoke...but in the end God DID speak and Job DID hear and Job DID see and Job DID realize, just as I did, that God was always there. He had never left. Deep sorrow is like that. We feel so very alone.....so alone that we often can't feel God. Job was a faithful man. He loved the Lord and even in his pain and crying out he did not sin against Him. Job KNEW God and he thought he understood him. I spent years pouring God's word into me and I thought I KNEW God too. After reading chapters 38-41 (which I highly recommend for those who believe and those who quesiton) you might find just what Job says here to be quite convicting:

"My ears had heard OF you but now my eyes have SEEN you."
Job 42:5

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon set out to prove that all he could possess with his great wealth would make him happy. At the end he said this:

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind."
Ecclesiastes 12:13

When I put my faith in man and earthly "stuff" I will always be disappointed. When I place my trust in the One who has a plan and a purpose for my life I will never be disappointed. God doesn't say I won't have trouble, in fact, he says:

“Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:31‭-‬33

Don't be a fixer....

Recently I was going through a hard time and I was angry. I had moved from hurt and sadness and I was just ticked. A friend said to me, "I hear you." I look back at that conversation and realize there could have actually been a correction of my anger or questions such as:

•Is your anger valid?
•Is your anger holding back healing?
•Is your anger keeping you from seeing your part?
•Is your anger clouding your ability to see the circumstance as it really is?

All of these are great questions however, at the time and in the moment she chose to love me while I was hurting. She chose to acknowledge my anger. She chose to HEAR my pain and frustration.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Sometimes people don't want you to "fix it". They want to be heard. It was powerful then and it's powerful now as I sit here thinking about it.

And I'll say this....this friend and I have had many conversations since and she has spoken truth into that particular circumstance and I'm grateful for her speaking truth in love....WHEN I was ABLE to HEAR it.

How loving a gesture to simply acknowledge that you hear someone in their pain, grief, anger, frustration, confusion...

This snippet from a book on grief talks of great loss and the need for the bereaved to be supported not "fixed". But reading it I realized how profitable it is in many of life's turbulent ups and downs.

Contentment

Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

Matthew 8:20

I'm reading through the New Testament this year and in reading in Matthew, I am reminded of Jesus' response to the teacher of the law's proclamation in Chapter 8:

"Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."
To which Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
Matthew 8:20

I read a commentary that said, "Jesus was functionally homeless"...the commentary went on to say:

"These same passages mention two others who had similar discussions with Jesus. In each case, Jesus made the point that there is a cost to following Him. The scribe who said he wanted to follow Jesus wherever He went was not considering the lifestyle Jesus led. The scribes were among the wealthier citizens. It was as if Jesus were saying, “Are you sure you want to be homeless with Me?”

Jesus just picked up and went....at his Father's instruction he moved. He had nothing to tie him down. He was FULLY available, COMPLETELY willing and OUTRAGEOUSLY obedient and He had freedom to be who he was called to be.
I want to be like Jesus!! I'm not saying I want to be physically homeless. I'm saying I want to be available, willing and obedient. Metaphorically speaking I want my home to be the heart of Jesus.

I wrote in my planner yesterday, "Jesus, let this be the year I learn to rest in the peace that only you can provide."

The hardest part for me is learning to be still and wait.....that does not mean I'm a lump, sitting on my couch! NO! It means that I am ACTIVELY waiting for his next instruction, WILLINGLY accepting that instruction and obediently MOVING.
AND I have to set my mind on the FACT that it's likely not going to look, at all, like I think it should.

Take yesterday as an example....I never left my house. How in the world was that pleasing to God? At the end of the day I assessed my day and in my view, meh....nothing spectacular.....but if I ask the question, "Was God pleased?" I believe he was. I spent a good amount of time reading and writing scripture, got my planner up to date, prayed, nourished my body with good food choices and found myself actively listening for God's instruction. I ended my day by crawling into bed with thanksgiving and praise on my lips. Yes, even when I want to put pressure on myself to go out and make a big splash for His kingdom God gently reminds me that there will be days (maybe weeks, months and years) when it will be the sweetness of communion between just him and I. There may be times of big splashes and there may be times of tiny ripples but I don't need to focus on the "how much". That's not my "job". That's FREEDOM! Freedom to BE!

•BE present
•BE available
•BE still
•BE ready
•BE willing
•BE obedient

Sometimes God may call me to be still. I need desperately to learn that being still actually IS actively pleasing him. I am available, I am listening and I am willing to MOVE when he says move. Can I truly be content with what he has for me? I want to believe I can be and I do have the desire. I will ponder that question for a time......God's working in me the ability to be still is definitely a journey. One not easily "fixed" in a day...this I know ....
The REAL blessing is that I don't have to DO anything (my definition of DOING).....Praise God! He's got this! THAT is how I rest in the peace that God provides.

May it be so in 2022

Resolutions

 

"Be still, and know that I am God....”

Psalms 46:10

"Hudson Taylor (British Protestant Christian missionary to China and founder of the China Inland Mission) was so weak and feeble in the last few months of his life that he told a friend, “I am so weak I cannot write. I cannot read my Bible. I cannot even pray. All I can do is lie still in the arms of God as a little child, trusting him.” This wonderful man of God, who had great spiritual power, came to the point of physical suffering and weakness where all he could do was lie still and trust." (Streams in the Desert)

At first when I read this I thought how precious, that even if I am unable to do anything physically I can still have sweet communion with my God. THAT really IS precious! But upon further pondering I felt a bit sad ...sad that I don't have to be physically disabled or incapacitated to be still with my God. That sweet communion should be happening everyday as I'm going about daily life.

"The idea is not that the faithful reader should stop activity and stand in one place. The sense is more that argument and opposition should stop and be still. This is done in recognition of God's glory and greatness..." (EWC)

I think a lot about the amount of alone time I have. It's really hard to direct my thoughts and keep them from going to places that no longer have value. I'm not going to spend my retirement years with the man I shared life with for 41 years and I don't know what or if God has anything grand for me to DO in these coming years. What I DO know, with 100% certainty, is that my ability to "be still" is a "skill" I have not learned yet.

Years ago I could be totally content to be in my house for days and days. The way I looked at it and expressed it then was like this, "My HOUSE was my workplace 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. When it wasn't it was my opportunity to enjoy it as my HOME."

Now, 24 hours a day, seven days a week it is my home. And for some reason it is ridiculously hard to be here. I suspect a huge part of it is because it's just me. I often find myself hard to live with 🤦🏻‍♀️. Beyond that I feel the need to be busy. To be doing..... something....anything....

I haven't made a New Year's resolution in a very, very long time. I start out gangbusters and fade quickly. To me it's another failure to add to my pile. This year, with God's strength, courage, wisdom and direction I want to learn how to, "Be still and KNOW that he IS God.." I want to cling tightly to this scripture passage:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Philippians 4:6‭-‬9

And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding WILL guard my heart!!

Lord, 2022 is here and I want to be still and know that you are God. I want to learn how to turn my thoughts towards you and rest in the peace you promise when I do just that. I want my mind to be filled with that which is TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE, EXCELLENT & PRAISEWORTHY. Only by learning to rest in you can I have peace. I KNOW it in my head....Lord please take that head knowledge and show me what it feels like in my heart.

It's a NEW year!

"Jesus answered, “I am the way and

 the truth and the life. No one comes 

 to the Father except through me."

John 14:6

❤

I woke very early on New Year's  Day with this verse on my lips. First, can I just say that waking up with God's word on my lips and in my heart is pretty amazing. It's not an accident nor is it a mistake. It is now 24 hours later and this verse has not left my thoughts. What is God trying to show me, tell me? Time to dig into God's Word.  Pray and listen. 

Enduring Word Commentary:

I am the way, the truth, and the life: Jesus didn’t say that He would show us a way; He said that He is the way. He didn’t promise to teach us a truth; He said that He is the truth. Jesus didn’t offer us the secrets to life; He said that He is the life.

• I’m wandering about; I don’t know where I’m going. Jesus is the way.
• I’m confused; I don’t know what to think. Jesus is the truth.
•  I’m dead inside and don’t know if I can go on. Jesus is the life.

“Without the way there is no going; without the truth there is no knowing; without the life there is no living. I am the way which thou must follow; the truth in which thou must believe; the life for which thou must hope.” (a’ Kempis, cited by Bruce)

                                     ***************

Though it grieves me to say, there are times that I doubt that....

●He knows me
●He knows what I need
●He knows my desires
●He has my best interest at heart
●He hears my cries
●He SEES me
●He's listening

Doubt - a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction; to have no confidence in someone or something; distrust

Look at the ARCHAIC definintion - fear; be afraid.....

I ask myself, "What drives my doubt?" I think of Peter.

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”   Matthew 14:28‭-‬31

When Peter took his eyes off of Jesus he became afraid, when he was frightened, he began to doubt, when he doubted, he lost confidence.....

“Peter walked on the water but feared the wind: such is human nature, often achieving great things, and at fault in little things.” (Bruce)

I really like Spurgeon's thoughts:

“THERE is only one word in the original for the phrase, ‘O thou of little faith.’ The Lord Jesus virtually addresses Peter by the name of ‘Little-faith,’ in one word.” 

Peter here shows us the weakness of little-faith.

•  Little faith is often found in places where we might   expect great faith
•  Little faith is far too eager for signs Little faith is apt to   have too high an opinion of its own power.
•  Little faith is too much affected by it surroundings.
•  Little faith is too quick to exaggerate the peril.

Yet Peter also shows us some of the strengths of little faith.

• Little faith is true faith. 
• Little faith will obey the word of Jesus.
• Little faith struggles to come to Jesus.
• Little faith will accomplish great things for a time.
• Little faith will pray when it is in trouble.
• Little faith is safe, because Jesus is near.

 “You do believe, and if you believe, why doubt? If faith, why little faith? If you doubt, why believe? And if you believe, why doubt?” (Spurgeon)

Doubt versus Faith - As nouns the difference between faith and doubt is that faith is a feeling, conviction, or belief that something is true or real, not contingent upon reason or justification while doubt is uncertainty, disbelief.

I like to beat myself up every time I doubt, every time I falter.....every time I perceive that I've failed. But just like Peter, Jesus will IMMEDIATELY pick me up and set my foot on solid ground. He's not giving up on me. He's not disappointed in me. He isn't going to abandon me. He IS the way. He IS the truth. He IS the life. He loves me unconditionally. 

And maybe that's just what God is saying to me today...this first day of 2022. Every time I fear, every time I doubt, every time I feel abandoned, every time I'm disappointed, every time I feel unseen, unheard, He says, "fix your eyes on me, I AM the author and perfector of your FAITH.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!