Ragamuffin

Ragamuffin -a poorly clothed often dirty child.

Orphan - a child deprived by death of one or usually both parents.

When God says.....I write. If it's from God, words flow onto the page through my hands and mind. If it's of me....there is no flow, period. Many ideas have landed on the cutting room floor....I literally just stop for lack of words. As I prayed this morning these two words came to mind....very odd...but we shall see what God wants to show me this morning.

My mom used to tell me I looked like a ragamuffin when I'd come in from play all dirty, hair asunder...I'm not gonna lie...my first thought....this spiritual journey often leaves me feeling like a ragamuffin.

This journey IS hard. There is nothing in the Word of God that says it will be a piece of cake. I was immediately able to pull up 30 verses about hardship and suffering.

I'm reminded of the lyrics to a song titled Worn  (Tenth Avenue North)

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on living
But I KNOW that you will give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left.....

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2

WHEN ...NOT IF ...

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"
Romans 8:35

SHALL.....NOT MAYBE.....

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

WILL....NOT POSSIBLY.....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds."
James 1:2

WHENEVER.....NOT IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES.....

Participate in his sufferings....... don't be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come to test you...... you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.....

Is there any doubt why a Christ follower feels a bit tattered...a bit like a ragamuffin? No! It's not easy! I, many times, heard a great teacher of God's Word say, "We were created for Eden but we live here." Is that not the most accurate picture of why I might feel so tired and worn?

Another song titled Weary Traveler (Jordan St. Cyr) says this:

Weary traveler
Beat down from the storms that you have weathered
Feels like this road just might go on forever
Carry on
You keep on givin'
But every day this world just keeps on takin'
Your tired heart is on the edge of breaking
Carry on
Weary traveler, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It'll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won't be weary long....
God's Word also addresses orphans.

Though I now lack a human father Psalm 23 says this:

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing."

I.LACK.NOTHING

Scripture speaks powerfully of how God feels about widows and orphans. They are to be cared and provided for, period.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:27

In biblical times widows and orphans we're the most vulnerable in society. So God, in his love and faithfulness was clear in his instruction that great care be given.

As a widow I've been given great care and love. I've been surrounded....it's a beautiful thing to see and it's incredibly comforting and life changing to experience.

We often think of an orphan as one who has lost both parents but in the Bible when a woman becomes a widow her children become orphans as well.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:16‭-‬18

I will not leave you as orphans.....

Because I KNOW, BELIEVE, REPENTED and PROFESSED (openly and freely declared or acknowledged) and asked Jesus to come into my heart he has sent the Holy Spirit to indwell me. I will NEVER be an orphan!

The Holy Spirit...

"The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:17‭-‬18

I AM a child of God. I'll shout it from the rooftops! I may feel like a ruggamuffin in the day to day toil of this world but I am being transformed from the inside out. One day, one glorious day I will stand amazed in His presence....when I return to Eden....and I will see and experience all that I was meant to be.

In the in-between?

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13‭-‬14

Amen! And Amen!

Character

Character - the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.

In studying this morning I went on a search for scripture describing God's character. After all, if I have accepted Christ as Savior, if I've been given eternal life, if I am to walk in a way that is pleasing to him, if I proclaim him as Lord over my life .....well ....I should KNOW who he is, right? Intimately. Deeply. Personally.

What I know, according to the definition of character, is that God's character is unique and individual to him. I can and I am supposed to mirror his example....because as a Christ follower, that is the point 👉 to become more and more like him.

Jesus sets an absolute perfect example. Perfect! Without flaw! Impeccable! Clean! Exemplary! Magnificent! Excellent! Unmatched! Unequaled! Unsurpassed! Phenomenal! Sensational! TO.DIE.FOR! Amazing isn't it? That the last synonym for perfect in a long list would be "to die for". Wow!

So what are these perfect character traits that Jesus possesses that I should strive to acquire, every moment of every day? I'll list some below but it's the responsibility of every believer to dig deep into God's Word and read it and EAT it! Did you know that scripture actually says to eat it?

"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty."
Jeremiah 15:16

•Jeremiah first found God’s Word; neither neglecting nor taking it for granted. (EWC)
•Jeremiah then ate God’s Word; taking it in as food for the soul and receiving refreshment and nourishment from it. (EWC)
•Jeremiah then regarded God’s Word as the joy and rejoicing ofhis heart. He delighted upon the Word of God, and did so in his innermost being. (EWC)

I LOVE the Word of God! I.LOVE.IT. But that's not enough! I need to READ IT! INGEST IT! BUILD MY LIFE AROUND IT! BECOME IT! SHARE IT!

"Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart."
Proverbs 7:2‭-‬3

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up”
Deuteronomy 6:5-7

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13

“You shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul”
Deuteronomy 11:18

Hundreds of verses! Hundreds!

Read about God's character. For only by sitting at his feet can you truly grasp and grow and know.

If you don't know Jesus as your Savior pick up his Word and read about his character. Ask him into your heart. He is a faithful God.

Faithful - 1 Corinthians 10:13
Light - 1 John 1:5
Patient - 2 Peter 3:9
Unchanging - James 1:17
Love - John 3:16
Provider - Matthew 6:26
Just - Isaiah 40:23
Perfect - Psalm 18:30
Eternal - Romans 6:23
Sovereign - Psalm 68:19-20

And when you can't stand, his word will prop you up....when you have no fight left, he will fight for you.....when you despair, he is the light in the darkness.....he is who he says he is.....he does not change like shifting shadows.

I pray you know my Jesus. He's waiting for you. ❤️

Hope

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope."
1 Thessalonians 4:13

When you first lose someone you love more than you ever think you have the capcity to love, it is overwhelming. It takes you to places you never dreamed you would go. Places like the deepest pit, with no light, no end, no comfort. The pain is excrutiating though you are completely numb and can't feel a thing. The mind goes to places you'd never want your loved ones to see or hear about. They would be scared and you have just enough mental capacity left to at least understand that much. It's a journey you would not wish on a single person, even if you hated them. At least, I know I wouldn't....not even the young girl who caused my deep anguish. Wishing another to suffer as I have suffered brings zero relief....the anger I've experienced will never be a healing balm......unforgiveness is another heavy burden to carry....it's ALL a tangled mess....that you can't untangle EVER.......

But....

There comes a time, at least for me, that you reach the "other side" and can look back.....and know, that no matter how many years pass, you will always miss the one you loved so much. You will not grieve as one who has no hope. That time has been much longer coming than I thought. Not because I was waiting but because I didn't actually know it existed. God's timing is perfect. Never early, never late.
God is calling me into new life and I know that is where I am today. To explain it simply, not every waking moment, not every shed tear, is about my tremendous loss.

That's where I'm at in my spiritual journey with my Savior today.

He is a good, good Father and I'm amazed how he responds to me. Why? I sometimes can't fathom that he is THAT good and I could never have imagined I would ever recover.

Him, directing me, to Psalm 126 this morning was both bizarre AND unbelieveably comforting....yep, all at the same time. I'm sure I've read it before but needed it perfectly today. 🥰

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who
dreamed. Our mouths were filled with
laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great
things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, Lord,
like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
Psalms 126:1‭-‬6

Two different senarios commentators express: 1. The people were freed from exile under Ezra and Nehemiah #2 perhaps describes David's return from his brief exile from Jerusalem in Absolam's coup (2 Samuel 15).

“The mercy was so unexpected, so amazing, so singular that they could not do less than laugh; and they laughed much, so that their mouths were full of it, and that because their hearts were full too.” (Spurgeon)

But this part really spoke to me:

"Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them."

One commentary says this:

"Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy: The gladness of the first half of Psalm 126 was real, but only part of the picture. With wisdom the Psalmist reminded himself and all of us that great joy is often preceded by a season of tears, as if they are seeds we sow that will bring a crop of joy to be later reaped."

And then this:

“Some husbandmen (a person who cultivates the land) steep their seeds before they sow them. It is well when Christian workers steep their lessons and addresses with their prayers and tears. It is not enough to sow; we may do that lavishly and constantly, but we must add passion, emotion, tender pity, strong cryings and tears.” (Meyer)

“He drops a seed and a tear, a seed and a tear, and so goes on his way. In his basket he has seed which is precious to him, for he has little of it, and it is his hope for the next year. Each grain leaves his hand with anxious prayer that it may not be lost: he thinks little of himself, but much of his seed, and he eagerly asks, ‘Will it prosper? shall I receive a reward for my labour?’ Yes, good husbandman, doubtless you will gather sheaves from your sowing.” (Spurgeon)

Clearly, for me now, there is a definite turning. The only thing I am totally sure of is that he is working in ME. Not through my grief. Not in my loss. Not in what might have been. Not in what never will be. He is working in ME. As an individual. My walk. My journey. I shed many, many tears these days. Not unlike my entire life which has seen tears shed for many, many reasons, under many different circumstances. But this is really, really different. I never looked for it, for I didn't know it existed. It's revelation to me. I'm sloshing through like I'm in quicksand. But the beauty of it is this, even when I don't understand and I don't know what's happening and I have no idea where I'm going, GOD DOES. AND the bonus and comfort? I KNOW it's God!! It's NOT me!!

I'm being as honest as I can be. I don't know what God is doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know his plan. I don't know if I'm going to love it or hate it. I don't know if I'll be in or out of my comfort zone. I don't know what "it" is. What I do know. "It" is handpicked especially for me. It will fit me perfectly because God WILL be with me in whatever "it" is. All of that to say, it doesn't really matter at all what "it" is. My focus is skewed and incredibly misdirected if I think that way. Here's what keeps coming back to me time and time again:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1Peter 5:6-7

Due time - Eventually at an appropiate time.

Yes, Lord. I know.

What's in your hand?

What's in your hand? To what do you hold tight? What do you claim? What do you think you need? What do you think you can't live without? What do you think you have to offer? What are you good at? What talents are you just sure God will use for kingdom purposes?

In This Exodus, God asks Moses, "What's in your hand?" That question sent me the on a trip through scripture and concluded with the answer to my questions, "God, how can you use me? What do I need to do to help you out?" 🤦🏻‍♀️

A brief, but important, synopsis of who Moses was, what he did and how God used him:

"Moses was a prophet, led the Israelites to Mount Sinai and received the Ten Commandments on stone tablets. Moses was 120 years old when he died. He had wandered the desert for 40 years leading the Israelites. He was within view of the Promised Land when he died."

God, sent Moses to speak to the elders of the Israelite people. He told him what to take with him, what to say and how he'd be received. The Israelites were enslaved by the Egyptians but God assured him that he would not be alone....He, God, I AM would be with him.

Moses' response is often my response.

"Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied.
Exodus 4:1‭-‬2

That staff sent me on a journey about the significance of what's in my hand. Might not be what you think.... certainly wasn't what I thought I was going to find....and learn....

God used that simple shepherd's staff to do miraculous things. Here are three:

•To part the Red Sea
•To bring water from a Rock
•To win the battle over the Amalekites

"Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”
Exodus 17:9

It was not a Royal Septor (described as a ceremonial staff often used by Kings) but an ordinary tool....carried by an ordinary man...to wield extraordinary power and leadership...neither which Moses felt comfortable or equipped to do.

That was Moses....let's look at some other ordinary people used for extraordinary purpose.

Shamgar was a judge. He was an Israelite. He faced 600 armed pagan soldiers with a lowly farm tool called an oxgoad. God used what Shamgar had, what was available, easily accessible. Shamgar, like Moses had to be willing and courageous. They were and God, through him displayed great victories.

Let's go on....

David, a shepherd boy, with a slingshot in his hand and a bag of stones hanging on his shoulder, slew a giant. No gun, no bow and arrow.....but what he had in his hand. His courage and willingness were required and God did the rest.

Let's go on...

In John 6:9 the people were hungry.... Jesus questioned how they would feed the crowd. It seemed impossible for all the reasons we could think of to feed a crowd of people today . Andrew spoke up and said,

“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”
John 6:9

Jesus told them to have the people sit down and he took what was in the boy's hand and multiplied it to feed the 5,000 men with twelve baskets leftover.

A little boy with a basket of bread and a couple of fish in his hands. A willingness to obey and believe was all that was needed.

Let's jump back to the Old Testament for the most precious of the stories to me....you'll see why....

"The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.”
2 Kings 4:1

"Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?” “Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.”
2 Kings 4:2

"Tell me, what do you have in your house?"

With courage and belief the woman did as Elisha said, gathered empty jars from her neighbors, and began to poor from her small jar until all of the jars were full of oil. Enough to sell and provide for her and her sons.

"She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.”
2 Kings 4:7

And with those beautiful examples of extraordinary courage, amazing willingness, exceptional obedience, astonishing strength I now understand that, just like Moses, Shamgar, David, the little boy and the widow that God will use the ordinary to do remarkable, miraculous, sensational, incredible, phenomenal, spectacular in his people.....in HIS timing, for his people.

Honestly, I am blown away.... God's word does not EVER leave me stranded in my own thoughts of inadequacies, my feelings of uselessness, my striving for worth, nor my struggle with what I perceive to be lack of contribution.

He WILL use what I have for his kingdom work. I need not add to it or subtract from it. I need to be still, wait patiently and when he calls, for he will, I need to step out with what I have with great willingness and courage.

Conviction

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Colossians 3:23‭-‬24

After having made excuses for years (me, speaking to myself here) have you begun to be truly convicted about something?
Many things?

Some examples below (actual conversations I've had with people), though they may seem to be small, are actually a blessing. Building blocks, if you will, to mold and create right thinking and firm conviction.

So here are a few conviction making moments for the sake of conversation...

•Speeding even if just five miles over. Justification - Everybody does it. No big deal.... they'll give you 5mph to 7mph over the speed limit. Conviction - the speed LIMIT is the LIMIT. It is the LAW!

•Taking packets of sugar from the restaurant....I'm out of sugar at home... Justification - They buy in bulk they won't miss it. Conviction - This is actually STEALING

•You get to your car and realize there is something in your cart you didn't pay for. Justification - Oh, it's only $$$$ they can just write off the loss....I'm already running late. Conviction - again, this is STEALING.

(I've actually been made fun of by friends and store clerks for this conviction) 

Conviction - the state of being convinced of error or compelled to admit the truth.

I have oftened wondered if I was stopped for going 37mph in a 35mph zone if I would try to argue myself out of wrong doing. If the officer said he tracked me going 37mph how could I say, "Okay, but technically that's not speeding". How do I argue my point? Do I, personally, go exactly 35mph or 33 or 34 just to be sure? No. But I am prepared for the consequences that come with.... willfully....ouch..... breaking the law.

Willfully - with a stubborn and determined intention to do as one wants, regardless of the consequences.

Oh man....I am really stubborn....

Some would no doubt argue that I would be justified about being angry......."Wow, that officer must be having bad day!" or "Must not have met his quota this month." "That's ridiculous!! It was only 2 mph over!!!" Conviction: Am I angry at him for not letting me off the hook with a warning or because I got caught? 😳

How many times in all my years have I tried to explain something away, tried to free myself from guilt, argue my way out, when, in fact, I'm guilty?

Then my thoughts take a bit of a "kingdom" turn.... because conviction is multi-faceted.....

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."
Romans 1:20

This verse is saying that God's qualities have been displayed. They are seen, clearly seen, by the believer and unbeliever as well. One commentary says this:

"He has given a general revelation that is obvious both in creation and within the mind and heart of man. Men cannot charge God with hiding himself from them and thus excuse their irreligion and their immorality.” (Lenski)

Clearly (not to use God's word out of context) this is saying that NO ONE can claim they have been uninformed.  That no one told them...therefore, they have an excuse. You don't want to have that discussion  before Jesus on judgement  day.

As a believer  I am also without excuse. I'm not to behave as if I don't know. I now have responsibility. 

WHATEVER you do.....and THAT is where I should be looking! Do it with ALL my heart, for the Lord.....NOT for men. Where am I looking? To please man? Myself?

I get it! It's a hard concept....but here's a perspective. Would I rather do right, do my best, in the eyes of God or work through all the "why did I do thats"?

I've beaten myself up so many times.....mostly because I got caught or because I was embarrassed I got caught. But the longer and more passionately I walk with my Savior the stronger the conviction and the softer my heart becomes. My desire is to please Him. That's conviction at it's deepest level.

Oh, how many times have I said, "that's good enough"? Actually hurts my heart because I know (conviction) I did enough to get by but it wasn't my best.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:17

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."
1 Corinthians 10:31‭-‬33

"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."
1 Corinthians 11:1

Do not cause anyone to stumble? 🥺

Have you ever thought you've caused someone else to stumble? A fellow believer? I have. Whether I actually did or not... or intended to or not...is not the point. Have you ever spoiled your witness in the presence of someone who doesn't know the Lord? I'm sure I have. These thoughts (convictions) really make me sad...to think I may have caused a fellow kingdom worker to stumble in their walk or someone who has yet to enter the kingdom to say, "That's not what I want" because of my behavior. 😢

Everything counts! Itty bitty or life changing. Conviction! 

Walking with the Lord is not easy. It comes with immense rewards and much responsibility.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
Luke 12:48

Walking in the world, at best brings temporary happiness at worst, temporary everything.

When I truly believe (and I do) that this world isn't all there is AND the world to come is SO much better, guaranteed....why would I (anyone) choose otherwise? And why would I not want everyone to know the peace that comes with that knowing? Circumstances in this earthly life are hard and confusing and not what I want or desire but Jesus says, "Fix your eyes on ME."

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us THROW OFF EVERYTHING THAT HINDERS and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:1‭-‬3

Jesus ENDURED THE CROSS for ME and YOU. Let that sink in. ❤️

Expectations

Thinking about expectations ...

Realizing once again that even though (I perceive) MY expectations to be good doesn't mean they will be God's will for me.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8‭-‬9

The sooner I learn that each minute of my life is established, predestined, ordained... the sooner I can stop fighting and start living.....but honestly, though I shouldn't be, I'm discouraged.....the only choice I have in this life is to follow God or choose wrongly ...while following God should bring deep abiding joy...it doesn't always. 😢

It almost always means not having what I desire but what he desires for me.....I admit that sometimes he has better for me or he knows outcomes and I don't or he saves me from circumstances that could have harmed me....but I also feel like good things have been taken from me or withheld. That's just me being honest Lord... doesn't mean it's right thinking.... actually it is NOT right thinking!

Your Word proclaims:

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:9

And this, which is often so misused and misquoted....

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4th 

These are not MY desires! When I delight in the Lord HIS desires for me become MY desires. God supernaturally changes my wants and desires to align with what he already had planned for me before I was in my mother's womb. Before the foundation of the world. 😳

"...for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
Philippians 2:13

HIS GOOD PURPOSE.....not mine. Not MY wants, needs, desires, longings....NOT ME AT ALL.

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."
Philippians 1:20‭-‬24

As I've written about expectations before....."a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future"....

I am reminded that MY expectation/s may not (probably will not) align with God's will for my life. Therefore, it will appear that God doesn't care about what I want at all.

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."
Psalms 5:3

What am I waiting for? For MY request as I've laid out perfectly or HIS will which WILL be done?

I make this all sound doom and gloom and I am a bit down this morning....but in my heart I know that God desires good things for me. Why the discouragement? I think it's just one of those days that, in my discouragement, actually drives me to his word, causes me to seek him and know that his will for my life IS good. That his love for me IS enough. That his plan for me IS exactly what I need. That his timing IS perfect.

And what does he ask from me in return?

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8

•Act justly
•Love mercy
•Walk humbly

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal."
Isaiah 26:3‭-‬4

How precious is God's word? Perfect peace promised to me!! The peace that passes ALL understanding!!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

The Word of the living God....

I know it! I believe it! I speak it! I think it! I write it! I ponder it! I wrestle with it! I am transformed by it! And.....I am delivered by it!

Thanks be to God! The only God who can rescue me from the muck and mire of my discouragement and set me on the Rock.

Lord, today has only just begun. Help me, for you know I need it, to remember what you've shown me this morning.

Insignificant

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Psalms 8:3‭-‬4

David's thinking was that compared to the grandeur of the creation of the heavens, the moon and the stars...man seemed but such a small part....yet the psalmist goes on to say that we are crowned with glory and made ruler over the works of His hands.

•Do you feel rather insignificant in the whole scheme of things?
•Do you ever think about the meaning of life.
•Do you ever wonder if you're seen?
•Do you pin your value and worth on your circumstances of this world?

Insignificant - too small or unimportant to be worth consideration.

How "beautifully" that definition flows into the lies that Satan wants us to believe about ourselves.....and our God.

When those lies creep in I go (I'd like to say immediately...but sometimes....errrr....often I wallow in my own understanding first) to TRUTH....the Word of God...living and active, sharper than a two edged sword!  Two reasons I know (could someone please tell my heart) that this should be my first stop:

#1 - Satan is THE author of lies, period! (John 8:44 talks about this - "When he (Satan) lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he (Satan) is a liar and the father of lies.”

#2 - Jesus IS the Way, the TRUTH and the life, period! (John 14:6)

Two, diametrically opposed views.

Satan is crafty (clever at achieving one's aims by indirect or deceitful methods). You can swear on everything you hold dear that you will not be tricked....and you have the best intentions and motivation....but do you have and use THE best weapon with which to fight?

I would venture to say 90% of who I think I am, how I speak about myself, how I think I look, how I think others view me, my accomplishments, lack of accomplishments, quality of my work, if I'm loved, how much or little I'm liked....you get the picture.....comes from the father of lies. The other 10%? Meh....I can counter with many reasons they simply aren't accurate or true (which, by the way, is also from the father of lies). But what does God say? What weapon am I using to counter these lies with truth.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2

HIS will....not mine.....

The undoing of conformity is REALLY.HARD.WORK.

"The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives."
Proverbs 18:7

I am THAT fool, backed by the all-too-willing father of lies and the ensnarement of those lies . Painful........

But praise be to an amazingly, gracious God who WILL speak truth into the darkness using the very circumstances He places you in to show you your warped thinking.

I spoke at church last week and with that harrowing (acutely distressing) experience I learned a very valuable lesson. In preparation, I prayed.....a LOT! I asked God, through his Holy Spirit, that is living IN me, to give me the words of my mouth and the strength and courage to speak them. But here's the incredibly amazing part. In the end, I got in my car, took a very deep breath, closed my eyes and said, "God, were you pleased?" THAT is what matters above all else! Satan will/did sneak in and tell me I didn't do a good job and .....you should have said this......you should have left that part out.....WHY on earth did you say THAT.... awfully chatty......too long....... borrrring.....WAIT!!!!! STOP!!!! Was GOD pleased? Was I obedient to his calling? Was I pleasing in HIS sight? Did I speak truth to the best of my ability? Did I do my BEST? If the answers are yes, then everything else DOES.NOT.MATTER, period! 

What this slow learner is beginning to learn is that pleasing God is above and far beyond anything I can do in the horizontal. I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I'm not going to please everyone. And that's not actually why I was born.

As I sit in the quietness of my house this morning, the only sound, the ticking clock on the wall in my office, I feel God's presence. How precious and delightful that HE is mindful of ME! And, I of Him, even more so because it IS quiet.....and because I AM still. Sweet communion. I must never forget (though I confess, I do) that my soul purpose in this life is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. THAT my friends, can be done whether I'm speaking to a group, doing ministry for my church or reading his Word in my jammies and journaling my thoughts to the tune of a ticking clock. 

I am not insignificant!  

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you."
Isaiah 54:10

From where does my peace come? From the circumstances of this world or from the promise that His peace is with me forever?

"Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever."
Psalms 136:26

From the peace that comes with truly knowing God's love for me is unending? 

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
1 John 3:1

"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."
John 15:13b

From knowing he loves me like a father loves his child AND he loves me as a friend?

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalms 73:26

That he knows my heart?

YES! ALL OF THE ABOVE!!

YES! Even when my heart fails....and it does....and it will.....God is my strength and my portion......FOR-E-VER......100%, no additives needed.

Life isn't passing me by. I'm not insignificant, unworthy, unseen, lacking value....I'm "just" looking horizontal.

For when I look vertical....heavenward.....I know...

" ....he satisfies the thirsty (Me) and fills the hungry (Me) with good things."
Psalms 107:9

HE satisfies me! Earthly striving, MY striving to do better, be better in the eyes of the world and others will never satisfy me.....but God....

It's nearly Noon....five hours have passed and yes, I'm still in my jammies.....and honestly, I am exactly where God wants me to be.....so quiet......so still.....so present......

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7
❤️

Self

Self - a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others...

I woke this morning, turned to look at the clock, which read 4:44....AM......
I typically have two thoughts:

•It's too early to get up!
•How long is it going to take me to go back to sleep?

This morning I had a different thought:

"Okay Lord, what do you want to tell me? Hit me, I'm listening! And this is what I heard, "put off your old self"..... yikes..... I DID ask. 🤷🏻‍♀️

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 4:22-24

That, coupled with some pondering, it was now 5:15....time to get up and hear what God had for me this morning.

Put off your old self .....there are so many things about myself I'd like to toss like yesterday's news.... insecurities, perfectionism, impulsivity, hypersensitivity....

•Am I liked?
•Did I do/say the right things?
•Is she upset with me?
•Does this dress make me look fat?

HOURS spent getting things just right....even when nobody but me would know if the end result was supposed to be anything different than what they see.

Reacting or doing on emotion lacking zero forethought......😫

Or the lack of the proverbial "poker face" which, if I could buy one, I would. Looking at my face is like reading a book. My emotions are written all over it. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've displayed that which would be best left unsaid....my face speaks!! And when I'm called on it.... for I have been more times than I could ever count.....I simply cannot lie.....and I spill like a hose with no nozzle. And most of the time, with me, emotion overtakes reason and my ability to see the circumstance clearly. If I happen to spill to someone who's willing to speak truth into my life, correction for wrong thinking, can be painful or at the least incredibly embarrassing.

And this very big one:

I.CRY.ALL.THE.TIME!!

Talk about struggle! Trying to prayfully seek God's will in the difference between how HE actually created me and who the world created by life's circumstances.

So I start in the only place that is truth....the word of God! God, who do YOU say I am? And my gentle Jesus says, Dianna you are:

•Daughter of the King - 2 Cor 6:18
•Dearly loved - Col 3:12
•A friend - John 15:15
•Chosen, Holy, Blameless Eph 1:4
•An heir - Romans 8:17
•Accepted - 15:7
•Secure Eph - 1:13

Dianna, you ARE:

"God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:10

My insecurities, perfectionistic tendencies, impulses and sensitivities are not a surprise to the God who MADE me!

So let's break it all down.

Insecurity is lack of TRUST.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, LEAN NOT on your own understanding (emotions, insecurities); in ALL your ways (thoughts, actions) acknowledge HIM and he WILL direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Perfectionism is PRIDEFUL.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves..."
Philippians 2:3

Impulsivity is lack of SELF-CONTROL.

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
Proverbs 25:28

"An impulsive vow is a trap; later you’ll wish you could get out of it."
Proverbs 20:25

Sensitivity - takes things personally, and ends up believing the Devil's lies and becoming discouraged.

Ouch! Now that stings! Sensitivity is also described as PRIDEFUL, lacking TRUST and the absence of SELF-CONTROL. 😳 What? Really Lord? I am truly amazed! Why? I don't know.

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."
Psalms 5:3

Did I not just do that at 4:44 am?

Boy does Satan like those who lack trust, are prideful, are devoid of self-control and cannot corral their emotions. He can slip in ever so quietly....he is cunning (good at deceiving people).

The immense deception of the serpent in Genesis has been so impactful to me....the mere four words, "Did God REALLY say...." makes me realize that when I am tempted to ask myself, "Does God's word REALLY say______?" my response must be twofold. First, I must go directly to His word and seek... his word says when I seek I WILL find....and when I find I must proclaim, "YES!! God DID say!!!"

So, today, I end where I began, seeking out the truth of who God says I am IN Him, who he created me to be, outwardly and in my heart. Learning....even if slowly....how to put off my old self (my desires, my insecurities, my lack of trust, my pride) and put on the new...."created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness", is hard WORK. Yes! It is work...a working out...

I am a work in progress...and until I see Jesus face to face I'm not finished. I have no arrival date on this earth...and I'll never have this day, called today, again in my life. I can't think of a better way to equip myself than putting on the full armor of God first thing in the morning before the light dawns. If I can remember that I'm never alone, that the One who calls me daughter and the One who loves me more than I can comprehend, my heart will literally leap in my chest. And that is deep abiding joy that life's circumstances cannot steal. And I have the courage and strength to put off the old self and embrace my "Child of God" status.

I can't think of a better way to start this day.... Valentine's Day... than knowing how much my Savior loves me. ❤️

Dry Season

Unknown - something that requires discovery, identification, or clarification.

Dry seasons are very hard....in fact, dry seasons are....just....well... dry. Dry is defined as: not yielding what is expected or desired; lacking. Telling isn't it?

Have you ever been in the "in-between"? You're not sure where you are and you have no idea where you're going. Life doesn't look like you thought it would look, the future looks "fuzzy". You know WHAT you want to do and you know what you want to do IS good, but the foresight of your desires are fuzzy and vague....because....well...... it's not YOUR plan.

I was following a truck the other day and it was going soooo sloooow. I had definitely given myself enough time to get where I was going but I did not plan to follow a truck. I could not see beyond that truck. For some reason I find that very confining and extremely frustrating. When that truck finally turned I was grateful...no I wasn't.....I shouted, "FINALLY!!" 😡 And at the same time that trucked turned right, it allowed another truck to turn in front of me. If I hadn't figured it out before then I certainly did after....my patience was being tested..... as was my memory verse for this year.


"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE—if anything is EXCELLENT or PRAISEWORTHY—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:8‭-‬9


I failed miserably....sigh....and God's peace was definitely not upon me.

I was however, reminded that my walk with the Lord is just like following that truck. I couldn't see past that truck and I can't see past where I am right here, right now, either.

But the beauty among the ashes? An amazing reminder that God wastes absolutely nothing. Not even a frustrating drive.

So what am I to do in this "dry season"?

When I first began walking with Jesus he said I was to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow him. His Word also tells me that he has a plan for me and that I am to lay down my life for him just like he did for me. Now here's the kicker, ALL while living in this world.

Don't get confused about

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My first "obligation" is to delight in the Lord....everyday, every minute of everyday....can you begin to see how delighting continually in the Lord actually turns your thoughts from self? He begins to show me that HE is ALL I need. When I see it, feel it, truly experience it...HE becomes the desire of my heart!! That's the desired result..... difficult....

There is such beauty and peace when striving ceases. No, it's not easy and, no, I don't have it all figured out. Sometimes I know the answer but putting it into practice evades me.

What about Psalm 5:3?

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."

Am I expecting God to answer my requests exactly as I laid them out or does he use my requests to show me Himself in a way I've never seen Him before?

Retirement doesn't look like I envisioned.....why? Why what I thought, were great desires to serve God's kingdom, seems to have fallen on deaf ears...... I do not know. Those deaf ears do not, I repeat do NOT belong to Jesus!! He hears my every petition, he sees every tear. I think they are the ears of my desire to lay out my own plan.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."

Proverbs 19:21

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." 

Romans 8:28

"The plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations." Psalm 33:11

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established."
Proverbs 16:3

Instead of a dry season I'm beginning to see I'm actually in a learning season.

•Is God calling me to be still and KNOW that He IS God!
•Is He calling me to sit at his feet and saturate myself with his presence?
•Does he want me to know the freshness and energy of Him above everything else?       Above my wants and desires?
•Is this THE time in my life that there is nothing to hinder my drawing near to Him?

Romans 12:2 says be transformed by the renewing of your mind...transformation is defined as a thorough or dramatic change.....ouch!

I'm definitely beginning to begin to understand....I'm not there yet ...I've resolved to surrender my will ....I'm still kicking and screaming a bit....but there is also a peace there as well.

God, I don't know what you are doing but your word says that I am to humble myself before you and in due time you will lift me up. Until then I am to cast my anxieties on you and you will care for me. I'm going to hold fast to that promise.