Accountable

Accountable - required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.

I remember when I was a little girl and even when raising my kids that accountability was a big thing. If I got in trouble at school, I was in even bigger trouble at home. I raised my kids the same way. You are accountable for your actions, period. No excuses, no blaming, no shouting, "that's not fair!!" I was taught to "own it". Admit, say you're sorry, serve your punishment and don't do it again. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them. Writing it here, it still makes perfect sense.

I read this morning a heartbreaking story. The story of Judas. Though he walked with Jesus for three years he still did not repent for handing Jesus over to the Pharisees. I went digging for answers because those verses, while I found Judas' sorrow palpable, I never thought before about Jesus standing right there. I immediately thought, "Why didn't he fall to his knees in repentance?"

 A commentary I read this morning said this:

"Even after his dreadful deed, Judas could have fallen on his knees to beg God’s forgiveness. But he did not. He may have felt some remorse born of fear, which caused him to return the money to the Pharisees, but he never repented, preferring instead to commit suicide."

Judas was accountable for his actions. It goes on to say this:

"However, the fact that it was all foreordained does not excuse Judas or absolve him from the punishment he would suffer for his part in the drama. Judas made his own choices, and they were the source of his own damnation. Yet the choices fit perfectly into the sovereign plan of God. God controls not only the good, but also the evil of man to accomplish His own ends. Here we see Jesus condemning Judas, but considering that Judas travelled with Jesus for nearly three years, we know He also gave Judas ample opportunity for salvation and repentance."

He was accountable and so am I.

So what does that look like in my life? 

I live alone. I make my own decisions. I make my own choices. To whom am I accountable? In my mind I've been flying solo for six years now. I can get out of bed when I want to, eat what I want when I want, I can say yes or no to anything, I can work if I want to, I can sit and watch TV if I want to, I can say no to those I don't want to see, I can say yes or no to going somewhere or doing something if it does or does not suit my mood, desire or ambition. I can exercise if I care to, clean my house if I want to, cook if I want to.....you get the picture.

 It's really hard not having my accountability partner. After so many years of caring for and about one another, I'm not sure I'll ever feel like a whole person again. He was my other half. Two flesh become one....so when one is removed, at least for me, it feels like an amputation. I have to learn how to walk again. There is no one, in this day to day life, who will love me, care for me and hold me accountable like my beloved did. His thoughts, feelings and ways meant the world to me. I am really accountable to no one.....or am I?

This thought came to mind: Though I no longer have an earthly accountability partner, as I did with my beloved, my actions and the freedom to make my own choices can and will have consequences. If God is sovereign and I believe that he is, HE IS my TRUE accountability partner. From the day I ask Jesus to come into my heart and forgive my sins this is what he says:

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I am NOT my own. It matters not that I no longer have a spouse! Once saved, I am and always have been accountable to Christ. When I stand before him someday he will not ask me what my beloved and I did together. I will stand alone, accountable for ME.

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. For everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
Matthew 12:36-37

"If anyone, then, know the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them."
James 4:17

And the verse that really got me:

"For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."
2 Corinthians 5:10

And one more:

"For since creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."

Romans 1:20

Without excuse......

All who have professed Christ as Savior are without excuse, period! Matters not our earthly circumstances. It just doesn't. God is never, never, never going to love me less on a bad day or more on a good day. He has been so good to me. When I stand before my Abba Father on that glorious day he calls me home, my desire is to be right before him. 

Revelation 3:11 says, "I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown."

I love what this commentary says about this verse:

That no one may take your crown: If they failed to hold fast, their crown might be given to another. The idea is not that it might be stolen by another, but given. This was not a crown of royalty, given because of royal birth. This was a crown of VICTORY. Jesus encouraged His saints to finish their course with victory, to “play the second half” just as strongly as they “played the first half.” 

“Never forget that the man most likely to steal your crown is yourself. ‘Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life’ (Proverbs 4:23). You are in no greater danger from anyone or anything than from yourself.” (Havner)

As always happens when I'm fretting, going to the word of God will keep me from leaning on my own understanding and he will set my path straight again. And just maybe each time he sets my path straight I'll have a bit more understanding of how to keep it straight. Bit by bit he is honing me and sharpening me. Am I listening, really listening? Am I keeping my eye on the prize? What a glorious day it really will be when I stand before God with my crown firmly in place....until I can, with a heart pounding joy, place it at his feet as he says,

"Well done good and faithful servant."