Waiting....

Meet my new "friend" Uncertainty 🙄

Uncertainty - refers to epistemic (nature, origin, scope) situations involving imperfect or unknown information.

In other words....you just don't know.

I was sitting here thinking of uncertain situations. Uncertain outcomes. I began to think of different circumstances I've been in and the difference Uncertainty plays in them. When I had my babies you didn't find out the gender beforehand. You just waited until they were born and the doctor proclaimed loudly, "It's a......."! The uncertainty of girl or boy didn't matter. When I was a kid and was uncertain what "Santa" would bring for Christmas the uncertainty caused great excitement and joyful anticipation. When I lost a tooth the uncertainty of what, not if, the tooth fairy would deliver would cause a good kind of restless sleep. I could think of many, many circumstances where imperfect and unknown information didn't really matter.

Hmmm.......

Your finances are a mess, your child is sick, your car is in need of repair, you lost your job, the test result was not what you anticipated....now Uncertainty takes a place that causes very different emotions. Worry, fear, anxiety, disappointment, anger, hurt, pain, dread.....(insert your go to emotion) insidiously creep in and now Uncertianty has taken her place on the throne. A few weeks back I wrote about my "friend" Perseverate.....well, my new pal Uncertainty, walks closely with her. And if I'm not really careful, and sometimes I'm not, I can become absolutely paralyzed by both. They are not the kind of "friends" you want to surround yourself with. Just sayin....

GOD USES TRIALS......I know it! I've experienced it! I acknowledge that I've grown from them! Yet, I still allow Uncertainty, the unknown, to cloud my decisions, my judgement, my opinions, my desires......did you notice all of those "mys". I KNOW the RIGHT thing to do in the waiting.....when I do it my way I invite Perserverate and Uncertainty to join me....when I do it God's way, I invite Jesus in to carry the burden and though scared or anxious, with a healthy necessary concern (not needless worry), I step (even if it's one very small step) out in faith that no matter what the resolution he will sustain me. Faith as big as a mustard seed can move mountains, yes?

James 1:2 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Gets me everytime.....not IF but WHEN you face trials.....There is no doubt in this world you WILL have trouble.....and PURE JOY about the trouble? What is that about?

1 Thessalonians 3:3 says, "Timothy, who is our brother and God's fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that NO ONE would be UNSETTLED by these TRIALS.

Curious if anyone else has a list of their greatest fears? I only have two. As I sit her today, one of those two greatest fears stands in the midst of my new friend Uncertainty. There is NOTHING I can do but wait. I cannot orchestrate an ending....I cannot wish it away.....I cannot change it. What CAN I do? I NEED to do something! Anything? The need to be able to control the situation is REAL! But I cannot...that is just plain hard. I suspect I'm not alone in this thinking....where desperation slips in and is countered with fiery swords over the doorway of resolution. So what can I do? What I CAN do is stand on the promises of God.... which I KNOW..... but honestly, is hard.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillippian 4:6-7

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I'd like to say God's word erases all fear and anxiousness.....in some it might, I'd like to be a part of that "some"...but I am me. Unique in design. My relationship with Jesus is unique. He knows me, obviously better than I know myself. He says, "I am with you during the waiting...I WILL uphold you." So instead of lying and saying there is no fear I'll say this: I refuse to allow fear to paralyze me. I refuse to allow fear to be cause for bad decision making. I refuse to allow Uncertainty to dampen my witness. I refuse to allow Uncertainty to steal my joy. I hate how I feel right now. HATE IT! I want it gone...but it is not to be....not today.....

So how do I honor God, the Lover of my soul, the Keeper of my heart, the Protecter of my mind? How do I hold fast to his promises that he will never leave nor forsake me, that he is with me until the end of time, that he will strengthen me, uphold me, carry me, walk beside me, fill me to overflowing with courage, he will stand FOR me? And as I sit on my beautiful new porch this morning listening to the birds chirping and the gentle breeze toss the trees to and fro I'm going to remember how he takes great care of his creation and even more so, me!

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26

Lord, I know that Perseverate and Uncertainty are Satan in disguise. I'm not sure why I continually invite them back in. They are crafty and smooth and seek to steal my joy at every turn. God, in your power, would you tear them away from my thoughts. Settle my heart like no one else can. Waiting is hard but I desire to wait well. Would you please wait with me? Would you show me your presence and give me the eyes to see through Uncertainty at the greater things you are working in and through me? Thank you for the gift of writing my thoughts and feelings down. I never saw it as a gift until now. But you knew that writing them down is a way for me to speak the fears and then allow you to apply the healing balm to my soul. I'm grateful Lord, truly humbled.