Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Trust





Good morning! It's Tuesday!

Nobody and I mean NOBODY likes to see the word "mass" in a medical report let alone read it with your own eyes before your doctor even gets the report and calls you. But it happened to me and I'm sure it's happened to many. Law states that as soon as a result is available the patient has to be notified. I know now that if the report had reached my doctor first the message would have been greatly tempered but it did not and the word "mass" flooded my mind for a solid week. Suffice it to say I was horrified. Suffice it to say I may never open those messages again........

Some of my first thoughts were:

▪︎How do I wait well?
▪︎How do I use the faith that I have to display to others my trust in my God?
▪︎How do I become a great witness for the kingdom amidst a scary trial.....even if the ending is not what I want it to be?
▪︎How do I praise my Jesus IN the storm?
▪︎How do I experience healthy concern NOT needless fear?
▪︎How do I NOT beat myself up because I WAS afraid?

See, when you walk with the Lord, and you desire him and his righteousness, you want to walk worthy. Don't ask me to explain it.....it's just the way it is as a believer. Do I do it right all the time? Absolutely not! Am I flawed? Of course! I am a sinner saved by grace! But the desire of my heart is to be like Jesus. If you know him you know what I'm saying....if you don't know him, my prayer is that you would seek to know him.

So I had to reconcile some thoughts. Dig into God's word to answer some questions I had. Every answer I will ever need in this life is in God's Word!

Fear is NOT sin! Over and over I repeated, "When I am afriad, I put my trust in you." Then, "But what if it's bad? Really bad?" "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." "But God, I can't do this!" "I will strengthen you and uphold you." And over and over again I applied God's Word to my concern and over and over He said, "My child, you CAN'T handle this alone....remember, MY POWER is made PERFECT in YOUR weakness."

Then he (Jesus) said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”


Matthew 26:38

Jesus wept.....

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:39

Jesus petitioned....

He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

Matthew 26:42

Jesus begged....

Then he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same thing.

Matthew 26:44

I am so grateful for Jesus' humanness. I beat myself up over and over about my feelings. I'm going to have them. I need to trust as I allow them to wash over me...and then take a step.

Ahhh....then take a step! As I take a step I begin to ask different questions:

*Do I become paralyzed in my fear? Unable to act?
*Does my fear control me?
*Do I remove myself from fellowship?
*Do I hide from the world?
*What about my time with my Savior? What did that look like in the midst of my suffering?

And Uncertainty? How did I allow her or did I allow her to dictate my thoughts and actions? Did Perseverate come back and threathen my peace?

As I fell to my knees in the dressing room yesterday, tears flowing freely, I realized that praising him for the outcome that I wanted, being thankful not angry with mixups that created such a hard week, being grateful for staff that were kind and compassionate were all part of God's plan for me this last week in this year of 2021. And NOT because the outcome was what I prayed for but because I heard him say, "Dianna, I am with you always, even to the very end of the age." God doesn't say don't ever be afraid....he says WHEN you are afraid.....

Luke 22:44 says, "And being in anguish, he (Jesus) prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." 

Do you know this is a real condition? Hematohidrosis is a rare condition in which a human being sweats blood. Acute fear and intense mental contemplation are the most frequest causes.....WOW! This was JESUS! But here's the real lesson for me.....Jesus, in his fear did NOT turn from his Father in heaven. In my extreme fear I did not turn from my Father in heaven.

Father in heaven, thank you for the perfect example of Jesus. Following him is never disappointing.....I admit sometimes it is hard though. For when I am afraid I will put my trust in you. Jesus did and day by day as you take me through the fire I am being refined to be more like him. I humbly admit that while I'm in the fire I don't like it. But I'm so thankful that after the storm, you give perspective and insight so that I can always see where you work. Even down to the locker key the nurse chose for me....Lord, you knew she'd pick #12...my beloved's jersey number his entire life. The number my grandsons now carry on for their Papa. And the tech that looked just like a young women from church who has a beautiful personality and a really caring heart. Who mentioned you and how you were with me. If these things don't happen for divine reason I know of no other explanation. Who'd have thought I'd be beyond grateful for the minor surgery to come. Only you God, only you.

❌⭕❌⭕❤❤❤👣👣👣

No comments:

Rest in his arms....

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If ...