Sunshine on a Rainy Day

Good afternoon! It's Friday!

Life takes so many twists and turns, you really don't know where you might end up. Today, for me, life takes another turn. Not a bad turn, just an uncertain turn. Yesterday was my grandson's last day with me. Though I retired from having my home daycare, I did have him four days a week for the last couple years. Now that he's on to Kindergarten, today found me officially retired. I began working right out of high school. Now, 45 years later, what does life look like for me?

Today, as I ponder that question, I have all kinds of ideas, hopes and dreams and suggestions of what I'd like it to look like. I'm not completely in the dark about what might be filling some of my time. God has been really gracious in answering my prayers to serve my church family. Though it is something that I prayed about and something that I hoped for, and something that I really, really want.... it doesn't mean it's not scary. Am I qualified? Can I do it justice? Am I good enough? Of course I know that God doesn't call the qualified He qualifies those He calls. It is not for me to determine if I can do justice, HE justifies those whom he calls according to his purpose. It's not about whether I think I'm good enough...it is by His calling he has called me good.

I had a really good friend tell me this morning "be courageous, be very courageous". I don't have the ability to be courageous on my own. But I serve a mighty God who will give me all of the courage, grace, power and strength......abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Yesterday I did a bit of cleaning in the garage. This girly girl got dirty. Cleaning the garage is something I've never had to do before but have had to tackle several times in the last years. I made the choice to tackle a few of the really difficult things that I purposely overlooked in those last cleanings. One, his ice fishing shanty. It does no good hanging on the wall in the garage. It's fairly new, in good condition, and someone would be really happy to have it. That was pretty easy to decide. What's really hard to decide is what to do with things that have so much memory that you can't seem to part with them but they still need to be dealt with. I opened my beloved's softball bag for the first time. In it I found a shirt and his rain jacket, various softballs and his two mitts. I also found four All Star patches for the last four years of his life. I'm still so impressed to this day that at the age of 60 he was still an All Star.....though he always was to me. I was his greatest fan from age 16 to 57. Everything about the garage screams of him. As long as I just have to get in my car and drive out I'm okay but when I take time to be in there it's really painful. This was his place. His domain. His responsibility. And he did it far better than I ever could or want to. So even in this, a mundance task.....what is God trying to show me? I asked that question even as I sat there with his mitt on my hand feeling paralyzed by sweet memories..... He has to be teaching me something. I've said it before and I'll say it again if he's not trying to teach me something then all of this is for nothing and that would be cruel. My Savior is NOT cruel.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Joy? Joy in heartache? Joy in tears? Joy in trials?Joy in testing?

Really.hard.stuff.

So this first day of official retirement finds me a bit melancholy on a really rainy and really cold day when it's really hard to stay busy.

I'm so reminded of my writing about rain a few weeks ago and how God's word showed me how rain is a blessing. And it is! But, when a gloomy day meets a melancholy mood I can't help but wish for sunshine on my skin. Please God forgive me.

What I can count on 100%, are this words:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts then your thoughts."

I actually don't know what he's doing beyond today. I'm exactly where I am supposed to be at this very moment. That's really hard.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

And once again my spirits have lifted. Because the sovereign God of the universe speaks directly to me, in his perfect timing, exactly what I need to hear. Even if.....I will rejoice! Even if....I will be joyful. Even if...my God is with me.

God, you never leave me alone. I don't know what you're working out in me nor what you plan to work out through me. You are the only one who knows the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week, the next year. I pray Lord that I cling to you so tightly even if I don't understand all the "whys".... Help me to focus on what I do know. That you are in control and I am not. That you are sovereign over all. That you created me in my mother's womb but you loved me even before that. That you hem me in behind and before. Not one step do I take that you don't know beforehand. That YOU are the sunshine on a rainy, cold day. That you are worthy of honor and praise.

Have a beautiful day! Remember, HE is our sunshine.

Be the hands and feet of Jesus.