Hell

I'm almost certain I'm living in hell.....the crushing blow of the realization each morning that he's really gone and I'm faced with another WHOLE excruciating day to live without him. I miss him SO much that it's physically painful....my body physically aches. I am not alone. Im surrounded by those who love me and want so desperately to take the pain away. But they are as lost as I am as to how to move forward....slow motion has taken on a whole new meaning.....life goes on around you like nothing has changed.....I want to shout "LOOK AT ME! NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME! CAN YOU SEE ME? CAN YOU SEE I'M DYING? DOES ANYONE, ANYONE AT ALL, SEE ME?" I'm trying to establish some new "normals". I'm giving myself credit for at least KNOWING I NEED to. I want to but my heart aches for him, my soul bleeds for him. I long for his smile, his touch, his quirky jokes.....his presence. I'm hanging on.......barely.....Though I still don't feel the prayers, I've been assured zillions have prayed for me and over me. It is my prayer that those zillions of prayers will fall on me and provide the precious comfort I longingly seek.