As I was preparing to leave for a medical test this morning I realized that my trust in God is not as strong as I'd like it to be! I felt totally calm about what the results would be but so incredibly nervous about the test itself. See, I have a horrific gag reflex and I just knew that drinking this yucky, chalky "stuff" was NOT going to go down well. Empty stomach, nervous as all get out...not a great combination. So I did what I do so often for others....I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that God would get me through the drinking of that "stuff" and then I knew I would be fine. Guess what? Prayers answered......okay so great....sailed through the test and then......they needed some more x-rays......WHY?? They reassured me that it was because the "stuff" had not coated well so they tossed me on the table and rolled me around until the "stuff" coated the part they needed it to coat. THEN I convinced myself that something was really wrong and with all the build up of tension.....the tears flowed....flowed pretty freely...then I realized right there on the table that I'm not as trusting as I think I am......Now, I'm no longer nervous about the yucky "stuff" but instead the results! At one point during the test the technician asked me to lay on my side with my hands by my face as if I were praying......I responded with "oh, believe me, I've BEEN praying".....they both chuckled. I believe God got me through that procedure and through with not a single gag incident. But now the REAL trusting begins and I'm scared.....I am, I admit it. All the "what ifs" are making me crazy. But I know where to go for comfort, guidance, courage, strength.......I am going to the Word. When I cry out to the Lord I know he will comfort me. I just have to trust in Him.....it's SO hard....I don't really know why because "who by worrying can add an hour to their day".....not me or my days already would be thousands of hours long!! I am thankful that God leads me back to Him, that I know where to go.
I miss you guys SO much. Hope everyone is well.
Love,
Dianna
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