In doing some research I came across this article and it it so well written I wanted to share. The parts that are bold in red are the parts that particularly touched me. I love the use of the word unique and how many times it mentions "not giving up yourself."I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalms 139:14Have a God Day!XOXOXThe Rev. Patricia Hunter
When seeking approval,
be true to yourself.Every day we make decisions about how much of ourselves to share. What if we share our thoughts, desires and passions, and others reject...
The Rev. Patricia Hunter
Special to The Seattle Times
Every day we make decisions about how much of ourselves to share. What if we share our thoughts, desires and passions, and others reject us? What do we do then? We may need a friend to help wipe our tears, but we will survive.
Though others may not believe in us, it is important to stay true to our values and dreams. It's OK to seek others' approval — if we don't give up ourselves in the process.
Deep down, we all want to be liked. Children want to please parents, teachers and friends. They learn early on that if they please older people around them, they'll get even more attention.
My sister and I went shopping with my nephew when he was 2 years old. We could not get help from the salespeople because Nathan was the center of their attention. He already knew how to work a crowd.
We carry our desire to be liked into adulthood. We join fraternal organizations, social clubs and churches to find community. Finding a place that approves of us is just as important as finding an organization that supports our values.
We want to fit in on our jobs, too, and be appreciated for our gifts and skills. It's important to be a team player if we want to succeed. Often, we think of teens when we talk about peer pressure. In truth, we feel pressure at all ages to conform.
The desire to fit in is understandable, but at times the cost is too great.
If one has to listen to degrading jokes from friends in order to be part of the ol' gang, it may be time for new friends.
If we are looking the other way when we see friends mishandling other people's money, we are not being a friend at all.
If one has to lie about her heritage or identity out of fear of rejection, the spiritual cost is too high.
Each of us is uniquely and wonderfully made in the image of God. If we pretend to be something we are not in hopes of fitting in or getting approval, we are not being the person God created us to be.
It is easy to identify cliques in our churches and on our jobs. The mission statement may say all are equal. But it is easy to see that some people are more equal than others.
Cliques are always going to be around. In a large group setting, smaller groups are formed for support. Cliques in themselves do not bother me, unless they degrade others and members consider themselves superior.
What I find problematic is when one gives up her unique character in hopes of being accepted. We can find support on the job and within our spiritual communities without hurting ourselves or others.
On the job, it may be necessary to limit how much personal information is shared. Work isn't always the best place to discuss your beliefs, identity or heritage. Doing so may adversely affect a career.
But being discreet at work is different from pretending to agree. Losing one's moral compass in search of another's approval is deadly.
Jesus put it another way: He said, what does it profit a person to gain the whole world and then lose his own soul?
We do not choose our heritage. I have a friend who swears her mother took home the wrong baby from the hospital, because her values and goals were so foreign to the rest of her family. Although we have no say in who our parents are, we can learn from their examples. We can emulate their strengths and try not to repeat their shortcomings.
It takes a strong sense of self to listen to one's inner voice or intuition.
I believe we are seldom steered wrong if we listen to our hearts. It is easy to drown out that inner voice if we give our will over to popular opinion, the majority, or those with more power and money. It is so important to remember that history is full of occasions where the majority was wrong — from slavery to the war in Iraq.
I want to be accepted as much as the next person, but my purpose on the planet is not to please others. My purpose is to proclaim the love of God to those who may never enter a church. Going against the grain can make for some lonely times. But knowing I am doing the right thing and being true to my calling is the most important approval of all.
The Rev. Patricia L. Hunter is an associate in ministry at Mount Zion Baptist Church and an employee-benefits specialist for American Baptist Churches in the USA. She and other columnists take turns writing for the Faith & Values page. Readers may send feedback to faithpage@seattletimes.com