A TRIP OF MY LIFETIME

Scripture tells us that God will meet us where we are. He doesn’t expect us all to be on the same page. This “thing” called a Spiritual Journey comes in all shapes, sizes, lengths and depths. It grows over time and sometimes it even shrinks. It’s affected by life’s challenges, our own willingness and many times impeded by our selfish desires. We often think we can control it and very often we try. But wherever we are and no matter how long it’s taken us….or how long we’ve turned away……God WILL meet us WHEREVER we are.

I've been in just about every scenario mentioned above but consider this…..God meets us where we are….LITERALLY!  I SAW HIM! I FELT Him! I could SMELL Him. There isn't a sense that God gave me that was not heightened by my experience. I saw Him in the sunshine.  I felt Him gently touch my skin with the warm breeze. I could smell Him in the salty sea air. He dazzled me with the waters of the Caribbean. He awed me with the magnificence of a huge ship, created by human hands that He blessed with a God-given talent to design and build.

God was present….oh so present….in the smile on my husband’s face when served beautiful meals, in pictures taken and when he held my hand. God was available to move his heart when he said “maybe we can do this again next year”.  God showed up big time in all the wonderful conversations we had with “strangers” that weren’t strangers at all the next time we saw them around the ship. God was so apparent in the smiles on everyone’s faces…..and their relaxed carefree attitudes. God stopped by in the giggles of the little children, their happy, content parents and their proud smiles when people commented on how cute they were or how well behaved they were. God definitely moved my heart when I saw tiny two year old twin girls, Makenzie and Paige. I HAD to have conversation with their parents and remark how very cute they were!  I have a wise friend that said “you know God is in every sunrise and every sunset?”. She was right on the money. We made it a point to see each one!  I watched the sunrise as I worked out in the Shipshape Center each morning and watched it set (with my main man) after beautifully prepared and amazingly delicious meals were lovingly served to us each evening.

 I saw God each time we returned to our room and saw the special things our cabin attendant did for us and in the wonderful way he took care of us.  We were pampered and loved the entire time, not just by people, but by actions, circumstances, surroundings. God, in his infinite wisdom, orchestrated this entire trip.  Being invited to dinner by friends, wonderful conversation and then……THE INVITE! “Go on a cruise with us”. REALLY???? ……and the husband that said yes…..and how all the plans fell perfectly into place with a few minor glitches that simply could not steal our joy……Yes, God will meet you where you are AND God will meet you WHERE you are!! So incredibly blessed to have had this experience. It was absolutely God ordained! Praising Him who carried us safely and then gently deposited us back into reality.  

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen."

God REALLY does speak!

This morning as I sat down with a hot cup of tea, in the darkness, in the quiet, I felt ready to receive whatever message God was going to send my way. I am NEVER disappointed IF I can put aside all the thoughts in my mind to allow him access to me. Sometimes that is a hard feat as I often get in my own way as well! :-) I was reading in John 4 where Jesus talks to the Samaritan women at the well. She is amazed that he, a Jew, would even talk to her, a Samaritan......can you imagine being offered living water by Jesus himself?! 2000 years later he is still offering living water to all who believe that he is God's Son, the Messiah. Yep, it's that easy....

"He was chosen before the creation of the world, 
but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 
Through him you believe in God, who raised him from 
the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and 
hope are in God."

Anyways, it came to me, like a lightening strike......I am leaving my cocoon, out of the VERY familiar into the VERY unfamiliar! I am going to have an opportunity that I haven't had in a very long time.....an opportunity to bust out of my very comfortable bubble and maybe, just maybe, impact others for Christ! I don't know what those opportunities will look like at this point but I've prayed that God will open my eyes to the needs of others....who knows, perhaps an elderly person in the airport or a mom with an unhappy baby on the airplane...... whether it is a warm smile, a kind word or a helping hand....these are all ways in which we can allow Christ's light to shine through us.  I am a willing vessel and I am excited to see how he might use me during this MUCH needed, MUCH anticipated trip.

All the glory and honor is his as without him I would have nothing and I would be nothing! There I'll rest...in Him...the One.....

God Gained an Angel.......

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:13-15

Our church family at Riverwood Community Chapel and God’s universal church, lost a wonderful, wonderful servant, our precious Shannon. I’ve been thinking about her, nearly constantly, for the last few months, since her diagnosis. When I’m running on the treadmill I have a lot of time to think, pray and reflect. This morning during my devotional I read the above scripture Romans 10:13-15 and I’m reminded that I am called to share the Good News of Jesus Christ, something Shannon did so well. What a beautiful example she was to me and the many who knew and loved her. I began to “size myself up” and God reminded me of so many of the things he tells me in his Word like, “you won’t know the hour or the day”, and, “I will come like a thief in the night”, and more, “diligently work out your salvation”….I have work to do! Shannon’s death brings to me an urgency like I’ve not felt before. She was diagnosed with cancer around the same time as I was diagnosed with my brain tumor. Our outcomes were very, very different. Today I am thankfully healthy and Shannon is now sitting at the feet of our Savior, praising him and giving him glory. While those of us who mourn her are deeply saddened by her absence, we KNOW where she is and that we’ll see her again someday. That is not only comfort for us but hope! Hope beyond this world! Praise God! However, my story didn’t end at healthy…instead where healthy left off I have an urgency and heart’s desire to spread the Good News and to love others as Christ loves me. I still believe in miracles….I prayed for a miracle for Shannon every single day. Even Jesus went off alone and asked God to “take the cup from him should it be his will” but he also said “your will not mine”……and he did that right up until “the” time. I believed, with all my whole heart, that God COULD have performed that miracle because, in my mind, Shannon had SO much more to give. But I also realize that I do not know God’s plan….God sees the end of the story…..I do not have that ability. I want to be like Shannon. I want to stand before God and hear “well done, good and faithful servant”, as I know Shannon heard. I want a hope that is MUCH MORE than this world could ever give. I want to LIVE FOREVER!! And with Christ I WILL!! If you don’t know Christ as your Savior and the hope and everlasting life that he freely gives….please, please, please pick up a Bible and read the book of Romans or seek out a church or Pastor or friend! I absolutely guarantee it will change your heart forever! In a few short months someone I admire and love is gone….and of course, I mourn…..for her family and friends, but for her I REJOICE! She is in no more pain, her body is healed for eternity! Praise God!

Life - Sometimes so fleeting.......

I had a most unsettling experience this morning:


Laney is so into jewelry so this morning I got my old, old jewelry box down for her to explore and perhaps find a few trinkets to her liking. I found myself curious too.....there are stories and memories attached to many of the pieces.  I find myself unwilling to part with many and many more that have no meaning at all that Laney will happily wear and model. There was a bracelet given to me by my biological father when I was just a little girl. A locket he had given to my mother and she passed on to me. A necklace a daycare parent gave to me when her last child left my childcare for school. Rings that Bill has given to me over the years and jewelry I bought especially for Mandy's wedding. But my memories were about to get a huge jolt.  As I looked at a locket given to me by my cousin Karen, I was most surprised that the date engraved on the back was 6-6-76. Yes, today's date 36 years ago.


A little background is necessary here. I haven't seen Karen since 1989 when her and her young family were passing through on the way home from a...gosh I don't remember....I think a horse show.....I remember when they stopped by we had just gotten a new puppy.....for which Bill was NOT happy. The kids and I went and picked her out and brought her home and I was just sure Bill would love her....he did NOT and just like that, Karen offered to take her home with them. We had very little contact again after that.....Karen was a cousin from my mom's side of the family. My mom had a tumultuous childhood. Abandoned by her mother and then soon after abandoned by her father who could no longer take care of her, her brother and sister. Over the years we had little contact with her side of the family. My parents divorced when I was four years old and through custody battles, anger and misunderstandings I haven't seen my biological father in 43 years. I have very little memory of either side.  But somehow Karen found me! I think I was about 16 when we first met. I have to be honest, in my incredibly difficult childhood, if SHE didn't contact ME there would have been no contact at all. I was not equipped nor did I even begin to have the understanding of what it meant to be family. And then years went by and nothing....she was raising her children and I was raising mine and can I say, when raising children there is really little time for anything else. Writing this now, after my children have been raised, I realize what a horrible excuse but one I used all too often. It's pretty sad but if you weren't in my life for the duration, it was just too difficult for me to add one more thing to do or one more person to love. How is it that we find out, only too late, when we are older and empty nested, just how much those relationships would have meant in the long run. 


In the age of technology, my first thought was, "Hey, I wonder if she is on Facebook?". So I went right to my computer to see if I could find her. Couldn't find her or her husband or her daughters there so I did a Google Search. To my horror, I found a little blurb that read something like this, "Karen L. Rapp born October 7, 1955 died January 7, 1997".......She was 42 years old, had been dead for 15 YEARS and I didn't even know it. My heart is really sad today.....


This isn't the first time this has happened to me. There was a beautiful little girl that was the flower girl in my wedding.....she died a couple of years ago at the age of 36. I saw her obituary in the paper and was literally stunned. I had not seen or talked to her in 30 years. How does that happen? Oh, is it the children....I was just busy being a parent?....Excuses, excuses......


I don't even know what to say, how to react....I'm just stunned. Should I contact the family? Well, that's embarrassing....am I willing to put myself on the line like that? Am I willing to subject myself to the tough questions....like "why NOW, where were you THEN?" Ya know, God never promised that life would be easy...that there would be nothing but smooth sailing, no bumps in the road......everything shiny and pretty all the time. Times such as this are tough times but they are also PACKED with lessons.


"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail, They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."


I am so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. That I can count on Him 100% of the time to be there for me and to keep his promises to me. He will not forsake me, He will never leave me. I also know that if I ask, He will give me the answers for which my heart searches.


Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.


If you, O Lord, kept record of sins
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.


I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word, I put my hope.


And one more:


O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise,
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.


Dear Heavenly Father,
I am thankful that you know me and that you know my thoughts and words.
I pray that you would give me the strength and courage to NOT use excuses
that keep me from doing the things that I should and loving the people you've
placed in my path. Certainly the ones that have come into my life under the
most unusual, unexpected way. Help me to learn from these experiences
that really hurt my heart that I might chose the path that you would choose
and not my own selfish one. Thank you for always forgiving me even when
I don't deserve it. Thank you for your lessons. May they never be wasted
on me. In Jesus' precious, powerful, loving name I pray...
Amen


Have a God Day!
XOXO

40 days in the wilderness

I believe that sometimes God just throws me some curves balls just to see if I put into play all that he has taught me. Do I practice what he preaches? Do I REALLY believe what he promises. I have SOOO many ways I could go here...bear with me.

I like the word "promise". I looked up the definition and it says this:

A declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that guarantees that a particular thing will happen.

Assure someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen.

To me, a promise is absolute! There is no negotiation, no changing your mind.....whatever "it" is IS set in stone. It is a vow, an oath a covenant.

When my kids were little I took the words "I promise" very seriously. If they asked me for something or to go somewhere I would really think out the situation, all angles BEFORE I would say "yes, I promise". I know there are circumstances beyond my control that could have changed those situations but I'm almost positive that never happened. My kids knew with 100% certainty that when I said those two words, "I promise" that it, whatever "it" was WOULD happen. If there was even a slightest chance that what they asked wasn't possible I might say "we'll have to wait and see", or "I'm not sure", or "maybe" but I would not say "I promise". I think those words are important. For me, there is no wiggle room. It's like I've always said, "No one forces you to get a pet or have a child". If you neglect and/or abuse either one WHY do you have them? Same with a promise. If you can't follow through, just don't say it! It IS important!!

Can you imagine if God didn't uphold and follow through on the promises he's made to us? I can't. Every morning I pray "Thank you for being the constant in my life. Thank you for being the SAME, yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever". Where would I be?

Psalm 119:5 says:

"Your promise preserves my life"

Psalm 145:13 says:

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises

and loving toward all he has made"

Titus 1:2 says:

"a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of times"

God promised Noah that he would never flood the earth again. God promised Abraham and Sarah a child though they were both very old. There is not a single time that God has broken a promise. It is a foundation we can lay our very lives on and KNOW with 100% certainty that God will deliver.

That is GREAT comfort to me. Especially on those days when the world seems to want to derail me or someone has broken a promise to me.

Sometimes I promise to do something that seems good and right because I have attached my own expectations to it. Then when that "something" doesn't meet MY expectations a few things can happen.

#1 - I'm disappointed that it didn't turn out like I thought it should.

#2 - I may have hurt feelings

#3 - I have to stick with it because by promising to do it, my integrity is important.

Those are hard things. BUT I CAN rest in the comfort of knowing that God has promised to work all things for his good.

Soo...I promised God, made an oath to him that I would abstain from sweets and extra added sugar. So far, I AM abstaining. I didn't say it was going GREAT, didn't say I haven't been tempted, didn't say "gosh, I never even think about it"....nope, not there yet, if ever. :-) It is very hard and I find myself looking at something and justifying whether or not it counts as a "sweet". "Dark chocolate is good for me, right?!" One M&M couldn't hurt, right?"

I remind myself that the satisfaction of one little bite would be momentary and I would feel so guilty. That is not an emotion I like to feel. So I have to think of that every single time I'm ravaging my cupboards for something that just might be an acceptable treat!

I'm learning a LOT from the sermon series on Ecclesiastes! It is SOOO good. Solomon is right, everything under the sun is a chasing after the wind! Pleasure is momentary.

"The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again., there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time."

I have to chuckle...isn't it true. A small bite, an M&M, a cookies, a piece of candy, or six, a Reese Peanut Butter Easter Egg that are only out this time of year and are so yummy and so fresh like that big bad of them I saw at Sam's Club and wanted to buy 10 bags and I was counting and wondering if they would still be selling them so I could have one when I am done being in the wilderness {{{{{breath}}}}} would only bring temporary happines.....errr.....euphoria.......If you said "Dianna, that is a run on sentence" you are right and I'm aware of it. Therein gives just a little window to my struggle. :-)

Through all of this I can be so thankful for God's word. It holds me up because it NEVER changes in a world that never stops changing.

My hope is that you are all resting in God's promises today.

Have a God day.

XOXO

40 days in the wilderness....Day 9

It was a quiet day. If I'm being honest, not much inspiration today. Not an A-HA moment. I know there are bound to be days like today but I'm still surprised when it happens.

I listened to the last of the sermon series taught by Pastor James MacDonald. If you've not heard him teach, tune in to Walk In The Word (online). You will not be disappointed. The series was called Lord, Change My Attitude (Before It's Too Late).

This is what the series looks like:

Week 1: Replace a Complaining Attitude

Week 2: With a Thankful Attitude

Week 3: Replace a Covetous Attitude

Week 4: With an Attitude of Contentment

Week 5: Replace a Critical Attitude

Week 6: With an Attitude of Love

Week 7: Replace a Doubting Attitude

Week 8: With an Attitude of Faith

Week 9: Replace a Rebellious Attitude

Week 10: With a Submissive Attitude

Week 11: Lord, Heal Me

Powerful, powerful messages. In Week 11 he said " Our attitudes reveal who we really are -- our real selves"

Scripture says "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks".

He defined wilderness attitudes as the following:

*Complaining

*Coveting

*Criticizing

*Doubting

*Rebelling

Yikes! That is hard to take. ALL of those are attitudes I need to work on!

He said, "Turn on these attitudes"

*Thankfulness

*Contentment

*Love

*Faith

*Submission

I spend a lot of time in the wilderness. My attitude needs adjusting often. Sometimes moment by moment I must make a choice of where I'm going to be. There's no question where I want to be but that doesn't mean it's easy to get there and stay there. I've been well aware of my complaining. I had myself convinced that it wasn't me but instead the circumstance surrounding me. But through a LOT of prayer and study God helped me (very lovingly) to see that is was ME. God is a gentle correcter.

James says "The circumstances of life bring us, continually, to a fork in the road. We continually have a choice to make". Isn't that so true? There is not a single attitude on that wilderness list that I don't have total control over and look at the beautiful choices I can replace that wilderness attitude with......thankfulness, contentment, love, faith, submission.....those are beautiful choices. But even more beautiful than that? I'm not alone, EVER!

Hope you had a God day!

XOXO

40 days in the wilderness.....Day 8

I'm going to try to do a few things here today....not ramble, be long-winded, try to get to the point and do it quickly. I am starting this at 7:30. Let's see how long it takes to get down my whirlwind of thoughts.

My name is Dianna Knapp and I am a mom. When I was a little girl, a mom, is all I ever wanted to be. I have not been disappointed. I'm not quite sure a child will understand just HOW much you love them until they have a child of their own. It starts the day they are born but grows, gets stronger each day you hold them, hug them, dry their tears and take great joy in their accomplishments. Then they become adults...they fly the nest and sometimes they come back for a time and fly again. You invest ALL that you have in them for as long as you possibly can. Your life becomes THEIR life and you feel SO blessed that God would give you such an awesome responsibility. It's really hard at times....really easy at times....really sad at times and there are times of GREAT joy.

Unlike my mom, bless her heart I LOVE her so much, I realize my adult children are busy with their adult lives. I try really hard not to bother them or make them feel guilty. "You know I'm not always going to be around". I have to say my kids are pretty good, usually, at checking in on a regular basis. I'm actually happy with a quick phone call or a text....but I still LOVE it when I see their face and can physically hug and kiss them.

I am truly blessed that all three of my adult children live close by. I suppose I would get used to it if any of them moved away but I can't imagine what that would be like. However, I did get a small taste of it recently. It was February 25th and for some reason I thought "gosh, I havn't seen my oldest son in 2 MONTHS and maybe only talked to him two or three times!" I would text him, no answer...no visit....no phone calls to really speak of.

It needs to be understood here that I am VERY close to my kids. They've told me things that other kids wouldn't think about revealing to their parents! Side note: They've also concealed some things that I've later found out about and I'm sure there are still tons of things buried. I'm hardly naive and I'm not so old I don't remember being a teenager! Sometimes they have told me things, even I, wish they hadn't told me! :-O So, to seemingly have one of them "ignoring" me caused a significant amount of parental concern. He lives with his younger brother so I knew that he wasn't on the side of the road, in a ditch, unconscious somewhere (have you been there?) :-) but I was still wondering IF something was going on....

So, I resorted to the semi-guilt plan. Texting "This is not to make you feel guilty but you're not answering my texts, not calling and I haven't seen you since Christmas. Are you okay?"

Within the hour he was walking through my front door and it was as if my long lost son had finally come home. I wouldn't by any means call him the prodigal but that story was front and center in my mind. I don't think I realized until that precise moment just HOW much I had missed him. I didn't want to let him go of him and of course, I cried. I was so happy to see his handsome face and his beautiful smile. The tears may have been that step from semi-guilt to full fledged guilt! Oops sorry about that!

After he left, I took Bailey for a walk and I thought "God loves me MORE than that". There is no more to add here.....That just about says it all!

A few days ago I mentioned Pastor Matt Chandler. I downloaded his sermon series on Ecclesiastes and decided to listen to Part 1 of 14 during my walk. Ecclesiastes 1:11 says this:

"There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow"

That really made me think "what would I want people to remember about me when I'm gone".

My study bible notes say:

As generations come and go, there are very few people who make any significant impact on the course of world history; the majority of the human race lives and dies in obscurity. The seemingly never ending march of human generations thus appears to be as purposeless as the repetitive cycles of the natural world.

I know what I would like people to remember me for:

1. That it was evident, by how I behaved, lived my life, conducted my business that I loved the Lord.

2. That I was a GREAT mom.

3. That I was a good wife.

4. That I was never proud or boastful about material possessions (though I've been upfront with everyone I know that I covet two things in this world, my dishwasher (which I've had for less than 10 years) and my smartphone (which I've had less than one year).

5. That I was always aware when someone needed a hug or a kind word.

6. That I did my job to the best of my ability.

I pray everyday that I am IN God's will for my life. I pray that I am just where I need to be at this time in my life. I pray that by staying deeply in God's word I can draw on the power and strength that only God can provide and that I can rest there, be content there, have peace and joy there. And maybe, just maybe I can leave a little piece of "God in me" to those I leave behind. I don't feel pressure to make an impact on the world but I'm very much aware of the example I want to be in the lives of others. Which brings to mind this scripture:

Matthew 19.26

Jesus looked at them and said "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.......

and then....

Jeremiah 29:11

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Comforting yes but also telling. I cannot do this alone!!

In studying The Tabernacle it says "God wants us to live moment by moment, surrendering to his will".....I can do THAT! I don't have to think about tomorrow, heck I don't even have to think about the next hour. I just have to be IN this moment. I can do that!

Hope you had a God day!

XOXO

PS It is now 8:46......I took longer than I needed to (perfectionism is STILL my worst disability) and I, as usual, am so certain I haven't said enough, explained myself enough or got my point across enough....that I've said WAY too much! But it's my journey, right? :-)