40 days in the wilderness...

The Lenten season has begun! I wrestled with what I might give up or sacrifice for 40 DAYS!! Mind you, that is 40 days NOT including weekends! So many things to decide....would it be something simple, something hard, would I tell anyone so that I could be held accountable or would I keep it to myself so that I could fail and nobody would know it? God knows what I need to do and He continued to prod me....so yes, I chose the "hard" and have declared it to all I know! There! Now it's out there....I am giving up sugar! Some may not really think that is a difficult thing to do. Don't ya just love those people who say "oh, I don't like sweets!" or "I'd much rather eat a carrot!" Please........really??? How is that possible? I know, God created me to be ME but if I could have given him just a tiny bit of help I would have opted for loving carrots over the craving of anything that tastes remotely sweet!

I began to really think about this sacrifice thing. I thought about how hard it will be for me. Especially since I'm married to a man that can eat absolutely anything and maintain his high school weight! Oh the pressure! But I really began to think a lot about the lack of discipline in my life all around. Isn't that really what sacrifice is all about? Being disciplined? Bill and I cleaned the house from top to bottom last weekend and I said "why can't it stay this way?" Lack of discipline! If I don't make a concerted effort EVERYDAY to pick up, clean up, attack clutter, control junk mail, clothing, shoes, beds, dog hair, kids, pets.....well, it's easy to see why it doesn't stay that way. Discipline...I've always had pets, I've always had kids, I've always worked full-time but never did I let things go......like I do now. "Oh, I'll clean up the kitchen in the morning"...."I'll vacuum tomorrow" and I know full well that tomorrow will not come until Saturday!

And that's not all....

I think back four years ago when I embarked on a healthier lifestyle. I worked hard, ate well, exercised like a maniac and lost 48lbs. Never did I feel better than I did that year. Then slowly....my lack of discipline and a million and one excuses found me slipping back into my old habits and before I could blink an eye I had 30lbs of that weight back on....none of my clothes fit, I was truly disgusted and disappointed in myself. Lack of discipline.....

So here I am. I've come to a crossroads and I'm making some changes.

I've lived in my tiny 1050 square foot home for 32 1/2 years. I moved so much as a child I swore when I got married I never would....and I haven't. To this day I still absolutely LOVE my house and am so thankful for it. Last year we remodeled the entire inside. Since Bill and I did most of the work, we can take great pride in looking at our accomplishments. Hence another reason why my lack of discipline in keeping it "new" was really wearing on me. On cleaning day we would work very hard and spend HOURS cleaning every nook and cranny and then sit back and say "wow, everything looks so nice" and at least once a week I say "I still love our house!". For 5 full days now I have been able to look around and really enjoy zero clutter, no "tumbleweeds", a shiny bathroom sink, beds made....it's been wonderful! Discipline!!

Isn't funny how a new perspective changes things. Now I'm not deep cleaning one day a week but instead doing a light cleaning every single day....May seem like more work but it means I get to enjoy a clean, picked up house everyday instead of just ONE day. Makes sense! Discipline!

Just looking at discipline in general is a hard thing. It means I have to change something about myself. I have to give MORE, do MORE, want MORE......but more, more, more means I have to DO, DO, DO. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to DO MORE!

Soooo now.....the sugar "thing". I am seriously addicted to sugar. I'm just going to lay it on the line. Cookies rarely last a day at our house because I've got to grab one every time I pass by. Chocolate....of boy, I'll search the house for a morsel or make a big mug of hot chocolate with way more than a dollop of whipped cream on top. Ice Cream will do it, marshmallow fluff, candy of any kind (unless it contains coconut) and the worst....I will open a can of icing and eat a few spoonfuls....Right this very minute I have homemade vanilla icing in my fridge! So when I say sacrifice...oh baby.....I don't even open the refrigerator door if I don't absolutely have to. And even if the icing needs to be thrown away, I may just keep it there just to say "I made it another day".

One discipline that I have maintained for several years now is my relationship with Jesus Christ. He shows me that I know the mechanics of being disciplined and He also tells me that he will help me, but guess what? I don't ASK him! Why do I not draw on the power of God to help me to discipline my life and get me on a track of healthy living? I guess I think it's a waste of God's time to ask for something so silly.

Wouldn't it just make sense that if I am going into the wilderness for 40 days, that I KNOW I'm not alone. That Christ is with me and he wants to be with me and he WANTS me to lean on him and not my own understanding! He does NOT want me to be alone! He wants to help me, He IS my help. Why does it take so much time to figure these things out. How can I really claim to have a relationship with Christ yet not know these simple things?

So, I am asking God to hold my hand and of course, he already was BEFORE I asked....I know that but I also asked for a turning of my heart. That I would really feel his presence, that I would be sensitive to his voice and cognizant of his leading. I've decided to blog my journey through the wilderness. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. His beauty, his power, his love, his strength, his awesomeness will be MUCH sweeter than any amount of sugar I could eat!