My name is Dianna Knapp and I am a mom. When I was a little girl, a mom, is all I ever wanted to be. I have not been disappointed. I'm not quite sure a child will understand just HOW much you love them until they have a child of their own. It starts the day they are born but grows, gets stronger each day you hold them, hug them, dry their tears and take great joy in their accomplishments. Then they become adults...they fly the nest and sometimes they come back for a time and fly again. You invest ALL that you have in them for as long as you possibly can. Your life becomes THEIR life and you feel SO blessed that God would give you such an awesome responsibility. It's really hard at times....really easy at times....really sad at times and there are times of GREAT joy.
Unlike my mom, bless her heart I LOVE her so much, I realize my adult children are busy with their adult lives. I try really hard not to bother them or make them feel guilty. "You know I'm not always going to be around". I have to say my kids are pretty good, usually, at checking in on a regular basis. I'm actually happy with a quick phone call or a text....but I still LOVE it when I see their face and can physically hug and kiss them.
I am truly blessed that all three of my adult children live close by. I suppose I would get used to it if any of them moved away but I can't imagine what that would be like. However, I did get a small taste of it recently. It was February 25th and for some reason I thought "gosh, I havn't seen my oldest son in 2 MONTHS and maybe only talked to him two or three times!" I would text him, no answer...no visit....no phone calls to really speak of.
It needs to be understood here that I am VERY close to my kids. They've told me things that other kids wouldn't think about revealing to their parents! Side note: They've also concealed some things that I've later found out about and I'm sure there are still tons of things buried. I'm hardly naive and I'm not so old I don't remember being a teenager! Sometimes they have told me things, even I, wish they hadn't told me! :-O So, to seemingly have one of them "ignoring" me caused a significant amount of parental concern. He lives with his younger brother so I knew that he wasn't on the side of the road, in a ditch, unconscious somewhere (have you been there?) :-) but I was still wondering IF something was going on....
So, I resorted to the semi-guilt plan. Texting "This is not to make you feel guilty but you're not answering my texts, not calling and I haven't seen you since Christmas. Are you okay?"
Within the hour he was walking through my front door and it was as if my long lost son had finally come home. I wouldn't by any means call him the prodigal but that story was front and center in my mind. I don't think I realized until that precise moment just HOW much I had missed him. I didn't want to let him go of him and of course, I cried. I was so happy to see his handsome face and his beautiful smile. The tears may have been that step from semi-guilt to full fledged guilt! Oops sorry about that!
After he left, I took Bailey for a walk and I thought "God loves me MORE than that". There is no more to add here.....That just about says it all!
A few days ago I mentioned Pastor Matt Chandler. I downloaded his sermon series on Ecclesiastes and decided to listen to Part 1 of 14 during my walk. Ecclesiastes 1:11 says this:
"There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow"
That really made me think "what would I want people to remember about me when I'm gone".
My study bible notes say:
As generations come and go, there are very few people who make any significant impact on the course of world history; the majority of the human race lives and dies in obscurity. The seemingly never ending march of human generations thus appears to be as purposeless as the repetitive cycles of the natural world.
I know what I would like people to remember me for:
1. That it was evident, by how I behaved, lived my life, conducted my business that I loved the Lord.
2. That I was a GREAT mom.
3. That I was a good wife.
4. That I was never proud or boastful about material possessions (though I've been upfront with everyone I know that I covet two things in this world, my dishwasher (which I've had for less than 10 years) and my smartphone (which I've had less than one year).
5. That I was always aware when someone needed a hug or a kind word.
6. That I did my job to the best of my ability.
I pray everyday that I am IN God's will for my life. I pray that I am just where I need to be at this time in my life. I pray that by staying deeply in God's word I can draw on the power and strength that only God can provide and that I can rest there, be content there, have peace and joy there. And maybe, just maybe I can leave a little piece of "God in me" to those I leave behind. I don't feel pressure to make an impact on the world but I'm very much aware of the example I want to be in the lives of others. Which brings to mind this scripture:
Matthew 19.26
Jesus looked at them and said "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.......
and then....
Jeremiah 29:11
" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Comforting yes but also telling. I cannot do this alone!!
In studying The Tabernacle it says "God wants us to live moment by moment, surrendering to his will".....I can do THAT! I don't have to think about tomorrow, heck I don't even have to think about the next hour. I just have to be IN this moment. I can do that!
Hope you had a God day!
XOXO
PS It is now 8:46......I took longer than I needed to (perfectionism is STILL my worst disability) and I, as usual, am so certain I haven't said enough, explained myself enough or got my point across enough....that I've said WAY too much! But it's my journey, right? :-)