Revelation

Revelation - a surprising and previously unknown fact, especially one that is made known in a dramatic way.

Life, this earthly life, often stings. It's not all a bed of roses, a glass of fine wine, peace love and rock and roll. It's just hard sometimes. Life takes turns you can't imagine......turns you don't even WANT to imagine...turns you don't even THINK to imagine. Yet, we all have hopes and dreams in this world. One dream that I wanted was such a sweet dream. The goal to  be married for a very long time. We were 35 years in and that, alone, was such a wonderful feeling. My marriage was so very precious to me. In the nearly 3 years he's been gone from my life people have said I've changed......I don't see it but that doesn't mean it's not happening.

You've heard the expression "God works in mysterious ways"? Well, THAT I do know. How very precious it is when he begins to work and change some of my deep seeded "issues" and I come out on the other side with a new understanding of who I really am. I'm not gonna lie...when I've heard people say, "I'm trying to find myself" I would laugh and respond, "Did you get lost?" Not to their face of course. Just never understood that........until now. 

The last couple of days God has really begun to work in me ---revealing why I am like I am---why I behave like I do---why I react to certain situations like I do--why I hurt when others are hurting----I'm beginning to realize that I am, at my core, who he created me to be. To the core of who I am, to the depths of my soul I care about people. I am easily and deeply saddened by other's tragedies and hardships. My heart is soft. I can beat myself up and tell myself I am ridiculously over sensitive or a cry baby. I can tell myself, "Dianna, it didn't happen to you! Get over yourself!!" But then....this is my new revelation! I did NOT create my heart. I cannot tell it what to feel and what not to feel. I simply cannot be someone I've never been. I am ME!! I am a highly sensitive person, who yes, cries a LOT! I have to start realizing and accepting that this IS who I am!! God created me exactly this way! I have tried, unsuccessfully, to change myself, dial down my emotions, stuff my feelings, cry less, react less....I simply CANNOT do it! And in the midst of the striving God reveals these things to me. Why now? I do not know. I've said so many times, "sorry, I cry about everything!" SO WHAT??!! Yes, it's embarrassing sometimes! SO WHAT??!! If God is perfect (and I believe that he is) than I am NO mistake. My personality is no mistake. My emotions are no mistake. And I am NO surprise to God. So he gave me an extra dose of compassion, he created me to lead with my heart, he made me with great emotion, he created me to see the good FIRST and admittedly so, a not so great ability to decifer the the not so good. The reverse of that simply cannot be for it is NOT how I'm made! 

Can I begin to embrace who I am? At 60 do I continue to try to create a new me (because I've convinced myself it isn't who God wants me to be) or can I embrace ME and give God the glory for who I am? Do I continue to strive to change ME though I've been incredibly unsuccessful or do I truly let go and let God do HIS work in and through me?

What does it look like to see myself as God sees me? How hard will it be to love myself as much as God loves me? How hard will it be to accept the tears, hurt, pain, anxiety, worry and fears that come and will continue to come? How hard will it be to continue to move forward with emotions that won't paralyze me but instead to ACT in the midst of them? Many questions yet to explore but I am confident that God goes before me, he knows my path!

"You broaden the path before me so that my ankles do not turn." 2 Samuel 22:37

See! When the road narrows and I feel I have no place to go, God WILL step in and broaden the path that I will NOT fall. I need nothing else!

What this revelation doesn't mean is that I'm without fault. So NOT true. Just that I'm to hold fast to who he created me to be and by that truth he will continue to mold me into his likeness. I will fall many times but NOT by my unbelief in who he created me to be. My journey is far from over in this life but it's moving forward. 

God, thank you for your great revelation! What freedom I have when I stop trying to change who I am. Who you created!! I have literally tried for years to change my emotional personality. Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Feeling deeply, hurting for others, being highly emotional is often a burden to carry. Your word tells us to carry each other's burdens but I'm now seeing that in a new light with new understanding. Thank you Jesus that you carry my burdens and so should I carry others. Thank you for being a perfect example that I can follow. Thank you for teaching me more about who I am IN you. Thank you that you gave me the power and strength to hear you. Amen

It's Not Easy Being A Bunny

Have you ever read the book It’s Not Easy Being A Bunny? It follows the life of PJ Funnybunny. He’s a disgruntled bunny….his ears are too long, he doesn’t look like the other bunnies. He has way too many brothers and sisters and doesn’t get enough attention. He sets out to find a new family. He tries living like a bird, a bear, a pig, a beaver, a possum and a skunk. But he couldn’t fly, couldn’t hibernate, hated being dirty, hanging upside down gave him a headache and the smell….oh the smell. So back to his family he went with a new appreciation for them. 

So maybe I’ll write a book called It’s Not Easy Being A Christian. The world looks SO much better, right? We go out and seek what we think will bring us happiness. A great job, a nice house, tons of clothes (or purses…or shoes….or paper paper paper) or whatever is your choice of excess. It seems great…..in the moment….but then it fades….like ALL earthly things fade. What about this? We volunteer, we work ourselves to a frazzle thinking we’ll be better liked, have tons of friends, lots of followers until we realize it doesn’t give us the lasting “high” our expectations placed on it. I can’t help but think about Solomon who had EVERYTHING and more, and said “it is ALL meaningless”….because “stuff” in this life, people in this life CANNOT supply lasting happiness. Your company downsizes, marriages fail, children become wayward, our jobs stink, innocent children die, poverty is rampant, crime is off the charts. 

There is suffering beyond understanding. There is no end. As a Christian, as a sinner, as a human, I seek the world and what it offers.

It’s not easy being a Christian.

The false perception is that if you’re a Christian your life will be fluff and goodness. Jesus says, I have overcome the world!! He also says, WHEN you have trouble…not IF.

It’s not easy being a Christian. 

Being a Christian did not give me a pass on being a victim of a very sad, tragic completely avoidable “accident”. Bad things happen to good people every day. If I hook my happiness to this world, I will have the ebb and flow of happiness…sorrow….happiness….sorrow….and on it goes. 

It’s not easy being a Christian. 

I still make wrongs choices, say the wrong things……indulge in earthly pleasures……I find myself seeking momentary happiness in material possessions. 

It’s not easy being a Christian. 

Being a Christian does not make me a perfect person. What it does is change my heart. I begin to desire to be more like Jesus. To love unconditionally, to defend the poor, support the weak. To do good works, not to work myself to heaven, but out of thanksgiving for what Jesus did on the cross for me. 

It’s not easy being a Christian.

 But at the end of the day when the world looks bleak and my happiness is subject to my own striving I KNOW that this world is not all there is. It’s not easy being a Christian but it is my absolute guarantee for true and lasting joy. Joy IN Christ!

It’s not easy being a Christian.

 I’m called to live IN the world but not OF the world. I’m asked not to indulge the flesh. I’m commanded to live modestly. I’m commanded to be humble. I’m commanded to lay down my life for another. I’m commanded to love others as I love myself. Not easy and I fail often! But I have a Savior that loves me enough to forgive me. Once I invite him into my heart his word says “no one can snatch you from my hand”. He will never leave me nor forsake me. A promise FOREVER. If you are not a Christ follower this world is all there is. If you are a Christ follower you know that this life is but a whisper and that eternal life lies ahead. I read a quote that goes likes this:

“I’d rather spend my whole life on earth believing and following God to die and find out there is no God than to live a whole life believing there is no God and die to find out there is”.

We don’t get a do over but we do have a choice NOW. Is this world and all it’s troubles worth believing that this is all there is?